Mar. 23 Here are some jokes from Daily Silly:
Political jokes:
Bill and Hillary Clinton
and Vice President Gore were on their way back to Washington on Air
Force One, when Bill said "I'd like to drop a $100 bill out of the plane
and make one person very happy". Hillary thought for a moment then
replied "I'd rather drop ten, $10 bills out and make ten people very
happy." To which Vice President Gore said, "I would drop a hundred $1
bills out and make a hundred people very happy."
The pilot then spoke up and said "Why don't all three of you jump out
and make 250 million people very happy?"
Me: Somehow I can imagine the 3 politicians yelling: "Hey!" at the pilot. lol.
Here's another one:
A visitor from Holland
was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about
the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes
our taxes, the man said. We get red when we talk about them, white when
we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with
us, the American said, "only we see stars, too."
Three friends - a
surgeon, an engineer, and a politician were discussing which of their
professions was the oldest. The surgeon said "Eve was created from
Adan's rib - a surgical procedure." The engineer replied, "Before Adam
and Eve, order was created out of chaos, and that was an engineering
job." The politician said, "Yes, but who do you suppose created the
chaos?"Here's one more:
An aide to the prime
minister of Canada called President Bush a moron. Well that's not fair.
Here's a guy who never worked a day in his life, got rich off his Dad's
money, lost the popular vote and ended up president. That's not a moron,
that's genius!
School joke:
Early one morning, a
mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to
school!" "But why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two reasons why
you don't want to go." "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers
hate me, too!" "Oh, that's
no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." "Give me two
reasons why I should go to school." "Well, for one, you're 52 years old.
And for another, you're the Principal!"
Me: I like this one, because the entire time you think the son is a kid, but he's really an adult.
Funny names: From Daily Silly:
A pregnant woman gets
into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no
longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The
doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are
fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to
herself, "Oh no, not my brother - he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst,
she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad
name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks
the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "DeNephew."
Me: At first I was like: "That's a bad name. Oh wait, I get it now. He named Denise meaning his niece." lol.
Farm jokes:
A farmer and his wife had
just waken up one morning to the crowing of their rooster. While still
in bed, the farmer's wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?"
"Yes Ma, I reckon I do," replied the sleepy farmer. "Well, every morning
before he leaves the house for work, he gives his wife a big ol' kiss.
Why don't you ever do that?" The farmer sighed and said, "Well, I reckon
I can, but I just don't know her very well."
An out-of-towner drove
his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came
to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to
the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the
farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more
the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer
nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the
car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very
curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name
three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he
was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!
Me: You don't hear too many jokes about lazy horses.
This farmer had a wife who
nagged him all the time. One day while he was outside plowing the field,
she came out and started nagging him. While she was doing this, the
mule kicked her and she died. At the funeral, the ladies came up and
talked to the farmer. The farmer nodded his head "yes". The men came up
and talked to him and the farmer nodded his head "no". Well this other
man wondered why he nodded his head "yes" to the ladies and "no" to the
men. Then, he went up to the farmer and asked him why. The farmer
replied, "Well, when the ladies came up, they told me how pretty my
wife's dress was and how pretty she looked. When the men came up, they
asked, "That mule for sale?"
Tree planting: There were two guys
working for the city. One would dig a hole - he would dig, dig, dig. The
other would come behind him and fill the hole - fill, fill, fill. These
two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up
again. A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how
hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were
doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what
are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and
fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who
plants the trees is sick today."
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