jokes/ crazy job interview questions

May 20 Jokes: I was thinking about that time I unintentionally offended my friend with a light joke.  I thought she would laugh, but she didn't.  So now, I am more self-aware.  I always say this before I put in a joke: "This may be offensive, so I'm forewarning."  So here is one: Marriage: I got this from Daily Silly: A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the lady. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my husband's mule stumbled. "My husband quietly said "That's once." We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My husband promptly removed a revolver from his pocket and shot him. I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said 'That's once!" Me: I didn't find that joke funny at all.  A man threatening to kill his wife is not funny. Working joke: Also from Daily Silly. A 17 year-old Antartican boy was hired to paint a white line down the middle of the highway. On the first day, he got off to a good start and he painted a white line 7 miles long. The next day, however, he painted a line only 4 miles long. On the third day, he was down to less than a mile. Finally, his friend Max asked him why he was doing less each day. The boy replied, "I guess it takes me longer and longer to get back to the bucket each day." Me: That's not funny.  It's just stupid.  Bring the bucket with you. Dance Flick: A month or so ago I was checking what's on TV that night.  I can go through all the channels as I had MuchMusic on in the background.  They were playing the movie Dance Flick which is parody movie that makes fun of all these other dance movies out there. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1153706/?ref_=sr_1 As I was checking the TV, I did watch a bit of the beginning of the movie.  I was offended by this part in it.  Cut to a car hits a woman. Cut to the car's license plate "LINDSAY."  The joke is Lindsay Lohan's driving causes lots of accidents. Cut to another car hits the same woman. Cut to the car's license plate "BRANDY."  The joke is the singer/ actress Brandy Norwood caused a car accident. I was so offended by the Brandy part, because the car accident she got into, someone actually died from it.  Read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brandy_Norwood#2006.E2.80.9309:_Car_accident_and_Human I even remember seeing a clip of it on TV where Brandy is crying in an interview: "I didn't wake up one day to kill someone."  38 yr old Awatef Aboudihaj died from her injuries. I'm not offended by Lohan's joke because though she caused accidents, nobody died from it. May 22 Test joke: I had earlier sent this Daily Silly joke about a test where the teacher asks 4 students: "100 points for which tire that broke down when you were getting to school." Me: Oh, that's a good one.  However, what if they're all friends and thought exactly the same?  They all immediately thought the front right tire.  What are the chances all four said that? I asked my friend Sherry if I could quote her, and she said yes.  She says this: "Guess she was willing to reward if they had the brains to remember to decide before they saw her which one it was...." May 23 Childless joke: I was reading this article "What to expect when you're not expecting: a lot of stigma, disapproval, and blame" by Elizabeth Renzetti in the Globe and Mail on May 18, 2013.  She talked to American comedian Jen Kirkman who also write for the Chelsea Lately show. In Kirkman's stand-up, she makes fun of herself for lack of interest in motherhood.  She thought it was funny, but a lot of people didn't. Kirkman: "After the shows, people were coming up to me and saying, 'You're being selfish, you should really think about what you're contributing to the planet.  It was happening more and more, and they were really getting in my face about it.  On the flip side, I had all sorts of women saying, 'Thanks for the jokes, I feel the same way and people think I'm a weirdo.'" She has released a book called I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids.  "It's just my funny way of saying to people, 'Hey, you're offending me.'" http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15757384-i-can-barely-take-care-of-myself Me: I read the article and it didn't give one of Kirkman's jokes as an example.  I would like to hear it. The Simpsons: What about the time when Homer was driving Bart? Homer: Yeah, well that's the thing with being a dad.  Long hours and no pay. Did anyone write to The Simpsons writers and say that was offensive?  When I saw that joke, I was like: "That's a good way to put it." I don't want to have kids.  There is so much work and responsibility.  I have read in the newspaper that there is a myth that parents are so happy when they have kids.  There is actually a lot of stress because you have to take care of another human being. May 25 Farrah Abraham: I read this in the newspaper that Teen Mom Farrah Abraham did a porn movie.  Now I read that she is getting another reality TV show.  She has done 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, and now this untitled show. My take is this: I don't approve her going into the porn industry.  However, she is an adult and she can make her own decisions. Seventeen: This was a few months back, but I was flipping through Seventeen magazine and there was an article called "Cute or Creepy?" "A guy gives you a box of chocolates: Cute. A guy gives you whip cream: Creepy." Crazy job interview questions: I was going through my old emails like a Hire Ground newsletter.  This was supposed to be for my job email, but these questions are kind of funny so it belongs in my joke email. 5. “What songs best describes your work ethic?” – Asked at Dell. More Dell interview questions. Me: I immediately thought "Push It" by Amerie.  It's about working hard, staying focused and "pushing it to the limit."  I haven't thought about that song in a long time.  I'm always listening to music, so I guess I was able to think of an answer to this question faster than the other ones.  Here's the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RgtuNMi68U 20.  “Pick two celebrities to be your parents.” – Asked at Urban Outfitters. More Urban Outfitters interview questions. Me: I remember reading a book of questions and it asked: "Who would you choose to be your parents?"  I thought: "A celebrity", but no one in particular.  I remember way back in 2001 this TV show Vampire High had a character rant about her: "My little brother would love to be adopted by Madonna." http://www.hiregroundsoftware.com/blog/hr-blogs/25-wacky-interview-questions/