Aug. 23 Feelings: It's a good thing that I wrote out my feelings,
so I can see things clearer. Also it's good to get my anger out. Then
get over it, and move on.
I guess I'm angry because there are
some things in life you can't control or avoid. For example, not being
able to go to Victoria Performing Arts school. I
know that when I get to high school, it was going to be challenging and
be a struggle.
No matter how hard I work and study, I will
barely pass. Well that's school for me. It's like even though I
graduate
out of high school, I know I will have to spend a yr afterwards to
upgrade my grades to be able to apply for college. I have to upgrade
all four core courses like math, biology, English, and social studies.
It's not
just math, but all four.
There was nothing I could have done
to avoid having to spend another yr in school to upgrade my grades. It
was so amazing that I graduated out of high school within 3 yrs, and
within some gr. level classes and passable marks.
It's
frustrating because I can't say: "If I work really hard and study a lot,
I don't have to spend another yr upgrading. I could go straight from
high school to college." I know I couldn't. I'm not putting obstacles
in front of myself, limiting myself, and not believing in myself. This
is my abilities. I can only do so much.
Teen pregnancy:
This also brings to other unrelated things. Like when Angela told me
that Ashley got pregnant as a teenager. I knew Ashley for one yr in gr.
7. When I found out she was pregnant, I wasn't surprised because she
wasn't school smart or street smart. What about her
parents? Her parents should have known or done some sort of protective
measures to prevent this from happening.
I never met her
parents, but if they knew Ashley, they should have done something. Talk
to her about sex and tell her to use two forms of birth control like
the birth control pill and a condom. If one stops working, there is a
back up. Put Ashley on birth control and make sure she takes it by
having her take the pill in front of you.
Tell her the
consequences about what would happen if she got pregnant. Make it seem
like: "If you get pregnant, you're not bringing a baby home."
This reminds me of 16 and Pregnant.
This girl Ebony got pregnant with her boyfriend Josh. Josh's parents
have been talking to him about sex since he was 10, and he still got a
girl pregnant. Like how frustrating is that?
Look, the point
is about getting angry, is don't take it
personal. How does Ashley and Josh have an effect on my life? They
don't. I'm using them as examples of how you can't control some things
in life.
Aug. 26 Fate: This is from The Matrix.
Morpheus: I see it in your eyes. You have the look
of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up.
Ironically, that’s not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don’t like the idea that I’m not in control of my life.
I
don't either. Does anyone like the idea that they can't control their
life? Unless it's a good kind of fate, like how it can save your life
or lead to a good job.
High school: It's
like I'm angry at my job search and then I'm angry about other things.
Just write about it, to get it out. My parent's won't let me go to
Victoria school because it's inner city, so it's kind of ghetto. They
also can't keep a close of an eye on me if I go there.
One
of my closest friends said that we should go to the same high school
together so we can be reunited with our other friend who went to a
different jr. high school. But they both dropped out. I didn't have
any close friends. Even if I went to Vic, and I don't make friends
there, it's still the same at the high school I
went to.
It's fate that I will struggle
academically in high school. No matter what high school I go to, even
if it's a really good school, I will still struggle.
Not getting my way: I'm
use to not getting my way. I didn't get to go to Victoria, didn't get
accepted into the NAIT's TV program or Radio program. My bank job
didn't work out, or the office job I got in 2010 didn't either.
Trust:
I think my parents trust me. No matter what high school you go to, you
are still a teenager. You are going to experience peer pressure to
smoke, drink, do drugs, party, skip school, and mean people.
My
parents know I'm like a goody-two shoes, that I have morals. It's like
the saying: "It's not that I don't trust you, I don't trust them."
I submitted my poll to this website called youthone.com back in 2003.
They put it up and here are the results:
What influences you the most?
46% friends
43% family
5.5% school
5.5 TV
I
said TV. The poll says teenagers get influence from their peers. So
if your peers are a bad influence, it can affect you. When my friends
dropped out, they didn't really have an effect on me. I wasn't like:
"Well, no point in attending school if they aren't there."
School is important. I was willing to go to a Vic where I didn't know anyone.
Sept. 1 What am I doing right?:
After a lot of thinking and analyzing, I'm bringing high school up
because it's like my job search. I had to work hard, study, pay
attention in class, go to my math tutor, and my sister and ask for help
so I can barely pass Applied Math 20 and 30. When I did the harder
grade level class of Pure Math 30, I got
63%.
My job search, I look for a job on the internet
where they're hiring. Unlike in 2009, I walked around and passed my
resumes to places and 7 months went by with only 1 interview. Angela
did ask: "Were they even hiring?" Good question, no they weren't.
I
pass 100 resumes out a month, go to all these interviews, went to
career counseling, read business section of the newspaper, job articles
on the internet. These are good, smart, productive things to do.
Staffing agencies:
In 2008, I applied to some staffing agencies. I was doing something
wrong by applying there. I didn't know they were making money off me
until my parents told me how they worked.
Sept. 3 Extreme parents: I was watching 20/20
on May. 4, 2012 and it's about "Extreme Parents." They gave a few
examples of that mother who took her 5 yr old daughter
tanning. Movie actress Alicia Silverstone and her "bird feeding" her
son. She chews up her food and gives it to her kid like a bird.
There
is the question: "Can you buy the perfect child?" In Las Vegas, there
is an entrepreneur named Lana Fukes. She gave her daughter a $1 million
Bar Mitzvah. She works in the fashion industry. They have body
guards. The way they shop, is that the store comes to their mansion.
Fukes doesn't call it bribing, she calls it "rewarding." She rewards
her daughter for good grades.
The Bar Mitzvah had a $50,000 cake, and it looks good. She got 7 dresses and $150,000 on the decorations. What is this? My Supersweet 16? Lana's sister Letanya doesn't approve of the parenting style.
There is a Reward Board. If you get these many As, it will go towards a designer bag or a free
trip.
Lana: Don't get lazy or distracted.
My
opinion is: You can't buy the perfect child. Look at my sister. She's
perfect with her grades because she wants to get good grades, she cares
about it, and works hard because being smart and good in school is
important. My parents don't bribe her with things like $10 for every
A. Some families do, some don't.
Lots of middle and low-income families have children that have good grades or good kids without these rewards.
Flashback: I
remember back in gr. 11 when I was struggling with Applied Math 20, and
I had to pass it. My sister was tutoring me everyday for 3 months.
She said: "If you pass math, I'll give you $50." I don't care about the
$50. It's not about the money, it's about the time. I wanted to pass
math so I don't have to do it again next year. I
passed.
The $50 didn't motivate me more. I was already very motivated to pass now.
Sept.
10: I was talking to Angela yesterday. She said that knowing that I
was going to struggle in high school is not fate. It's a known
challenge. She's right.
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