Mar. 31 Funny video: I
found this funny video where Justin Timberlake surprises his fans.
It's so funny to see the fans so happy to see him. I put it up on my
Facebook status.
Apr. 1 Jokes: I got these jokes from Daily Silly:
School jokes:
Four high school boys
afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they
reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief
she smiled and said: "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart
from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she
waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question (100
points): Which tire was flat?"
Me: Oh, that's a good one. However, what if they're all friends and thought exactly the same? They all immediately thought the front right tire. What are the chances all four said that?
Here's another one:
Teacher to a student:
"Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?" "Yes, sir! I'd put
all the men on one island and the women on another." "And what would
they be doing then?" "Building boats!"
Here's another:
With high-definition TV everything looks bigger and wider. Kind of like going to your 25th high school reunion.
College joke:
Here's one:
A student comes to a
young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his
door, and kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to pass this exam," she
says.She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes
meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do
anything..."He returns her gaze, "Anything?""Anything."His voice
softens, "Anything?" "Anything," she repeats again. His voice turns to a
whisper. "Would you...study?"
Me: I was like "this is insinuating sex.... oh, wait, never mind."
Here's another:
Dear Dad, School is
really great. I am making lots of friends and studying very hard. With
all my stuff, I simply can't think of anything I need. So if you would
like, you can just send me a card, as I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your Son
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep
even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge
is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
Me: Ha, ha, you're not getting any money from dad.
Love letter:
Dear John,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you
forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool,
nobody can take your place. I love you.
All my love,
Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery!
Laughing about death:
Two ladies were hanging out
together and one was depressed. "What's wrong?" The depressed one
replied, "I've been married four times and everyone of my husbands has
passed away." The other lady asked, "What did they used to do?" The
depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the
second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a
mortician." And the other said, "Oh, one for the money, two for the
show, three to get ready, and four to go."
Drinking and driving:
One night a police officer
was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At
closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb,
and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat
in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine
and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He
stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the
Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled
officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight
I'm the designated decoy."
Me: Oh, that's creative. Distract the cop.
About life joke:
When humans were young,
they were pushed around in strollers. When they were old, they were
pushed around in wheelchairs. In between, they were just pushed around.
Apr. 3 School joke:
Teacher: Farai, what are the two days of the week, which start with letter "T"?
Farai: Today and tomorrow Sir.
lol. We were all thinking Tues. and Thurs.
IRS joke: This is just in time for tax season.
Did you ever notice? When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
Apr. 4 Joke at myself: So it was awhile back, but I made this (what I wrongly thought was) a light joke at my friend. She didn't think it was funny, and I felt really guilty. I apologized on the phone and email.
The thing is, I always thought I was self-aware not to offend people with my Daily Silly jokes, comedy comparisons, and the ample forewarning before I tell what I saw
on Tosh.O, Family Guy, or
MadTV.
So to even it out, I will tell a joke that one of my friends made fun of me. It was way back in 2008, but I kept her email she sent. I had asked about my job search and she says:
"Especially since at this point your resume looks more like a saturday at
the mall :p I really hope your not listing all of them as it will look
really bad."
You either think:
A. "It's funny because it's true! Tracy's resume consists of restaurants and stores, with the exception of call centers."
B. "That is so mean! She's dissing Tracy's resume and work experience."
C. "I feel indifferent. I don't find it funny or offensive."
I'm
not offended by it, I know she was joking around. I also know my
resume isn't that good at that time. Also, I think it's because I'm so used to my sister dissing me all the time, it really has no effect on me.
Family: That leads to a mild rant of my sister and I eating pizza from Pizza 73. It was like last week. It's the deal where you can buy 1 pizza and get the other one free.
S: You don't have to buy two pizzas if you don't want to. You can buy one pizza that's it. It's just not part of the deal.
Me: Yeah, but I want to get my money's worth.
S: You don't even have any money.
Like how does telling me I don't have any money related to getting your money's worth? Even if you are rich, you still would like to
get your money's worth. |
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