Nov. 17, 2016 "Staying connected": Today I found this article by Renee Henriques in the Globe and Mail. This is aimed at seniors, but I feel like anyone could read it and apply it to their lives:
One of my clients calls me at least once a week to check on me. She makes sure I am doing well and then she talks to me about her life. She tells me how she used to make jam with her husband: “He would put on an apron and do whatever I said,” she’ll say, and then she makes me promise that if I ever make jam, I’ll use a wide-bottomed copper jam pot. My client took a liking to me when I went to assess what kind of home care she needed and she got my office number from her niece.
I know that she calls me because she is lonely. So I listen. I talk back. I ask questions. I tell her it is unlikely I will ever have time to make jam, but if I do, I’ll be sure to follow her instructions. But last week, I was swamped. I was in and out of meetings. I cut her short. She hasn’t called back.
The problem of loneliness is not senior specific. We live in an increasingly isolated society, which has affected the health and mental well-being of people of all ages in Canada. And while there are no bullet points that can solve this issue, there are some things that can help.
Do not expect technology to solve this problem
There is no substitute for in-person contact, and many technological tools that are supposed to make it easier to connect are baffling to seniors. This is not the fault of the senior in your life. I repeat: This is not nonna’s fault.
It is the fault of tech companies who aim their products at superusers and early adopters. Seniors very rarely fall into these categories. We need to stop trying to make FaceTime a replacement for actual face time.
It is the fault of tech companies who aim their products at superusers and early adopters. Seniors very rarely fall into these categories. We need to stop trying to make FaceTime a replacement for actual face time.
Encourage your loved one to get outside
Nature is the opposite of technology. Put help in place so your elderly loved one can get to a park, or meet a friend for lunch. Many cities are recognizing the importance of outdoor meeting places and are building them into their urban designs.
Portland, Ore., has turned its intersections into urban piazzas, and Berlin turned unused lofts into community gardens. Research has shown that variation in a streetscape makes pedestrians walk slower and be more in tune with the people and nature in their surroundings. Even just cutting through a park can lead to feeling less isolated, more generous and more social.
Portland, Ore., has turned its intersections into urban piazzas, and Berlin turned unused lofts into community gardens. Research has shown that variation in a streetscape makes pedestrians walk slower and be more in tune with the people and nature in their surroundings. Even just cutting through a park can lead to feeling less isolated, more generous and more social.
Encourage your loved one to volunteer
Volunteering, even once a week, can help bolster a senior’s self worth and put him in contact with others.
Encourage your loved one to learn a new skill
It is never too late for the senior citizen in your life to take a course or learn something she has always wanted to learn.
Get your loved one a pet
Taking care of someone or something is one of the greatest joys in life and will help a senior with feelings of isolation. Owning and caring for a pet can also lead to getting out more and can be a conversation starter.
Do not dismiss loneliness as inconsequential. Humans are meant to be social, and if we do not get enough human contact, our quality of life diminishes.
My work often centres on the physical needs of my clients: medication, food, hygiene. This year, I am working to ensure that we do not lose sight of our clients’ emotional needs as well. And first on my to-do list is to give my jam-loving friend a ring.
My work often centres on the physical needs of my clients: medication, food, hygiene. This year, I am working to ensure that we do not lose sight of our clients’ emotional needs as well. And first on my to-do list is to give my jam-loving friend a ring.
Renée Henriques is a registered nurse and the owner and managing director of ComeForcare Home Care Toronto, providing personal support services to seniors. Her passion for seniors and their families stems from her past work as a neurosurgical nurse, and her experience going through a care-giving journey with her own family members.
|
left-turn 4 days ago
Interesting article. Another issue I've noticed is that many seniors are now aging in suburban neighbourhoods where many amenities are not within walking distance and where opportunities for spontaneous social interaction are rare. If they want to sit somewhere and have a coffee their only option is to drive to an indoor mall.
left-turn 4 days ago
Interesting article. Another issue I've noticed is that many seniors are now aging in suburban neighbourhoods where many amenities are not within walking distance and where opportunities for spontaneous social interaction are rare. If they want to sit somewhere and have a coffee their only option is to drive to an indoor mall.
Dec. 14, 2018 "Benefits with friends": Today I found this article by Juli Fraga in the Edmonton Journal:
For many of us, especially those without family nearby, spending time with friends can be a meaningful way to celebrate the holidays. As fewer people opt for marriage, friendships have become more than social relationships: Friends are proxy families, and they may be better than the real ones.
Researchers have found that these personal connections may be more beneficial to one’s health and well-being than family relationships. And at a time when loneliness has become a public health crisis with young adults saying they feel lonelier than older generations, studies show that investing in friendships pays off. According to the Mayo Clinic, these bonds can help reduce stress, increase happiness and bolster self-confidence.
With hectic schedules, finding time to nurture these relationships can be challenging. But the holidays provide an opportunity to renew these bonds, giving us a chance to deepen what friendship expert Shasta Nelson calls Frientimacy: the intimacy between friends where both people feel acknowledged in a safe and satisfying way.
“Three requirements for healthy friendships are positivity, consistency and vulnerability,” Nelson said.
A few intentional behaviors can help give these relationships a boost.
Acts of kindness as gifts
Many people feel pressured to buy loved ones the most ideal gifts, which can cause more angst than joy. A survey conducted by the American Psychological Association found that 27 percent of Americans often feel stressed about money during the holidays, while 47 percent occasionally feel obligated to buy the perfect presents.
With that in mind, consider giving friends nonmaterial gifts, like acts of kindness. Even small gestures can make a difference. Nelson suggests leaving a heartfelt voice mail, making plans to spend quality time together or attending a friend’s holiday event, like their child’s winter recital.
Studies reveal that these generous acts can increase joy and emotional well-being. Acts of kindness have also been shown to produce oxytocin, the hormone responsible for cultivating attachment and social bonds.
“Showing up tells friends that we’re thinking of them and adds positivity to their lives, making them feel loved,” Nelson said.
Extend an invitation
The holiday season also can be an opportunity to foster closeness with a newer friend. But stretching beyond our more intimate social cohorts can feel uncomfortable. If we’ve invited a new acquaintance to socialize, and they haven’t responded, we may assume that they’ve written us off. But unlike dating relationships, this behavior isn’t an indication that the burgeoning friendship may be doomed.
“Friends may hesitate to contact each other because they believe that initiation needs to be 50/50. This is rarely the case,” Nelson said.
Take advantage of the season by making plans to shop together, watch a holiday movie or grab a cup of tea. These activities can also be meaningful to friends going through tough times because of an illness, divorce or other kinds of loss.
Empathy researcher and social worker Kelsey Crowe said, “Friends going through a tough time often need extra support during the holiday season. The best gift you can provide is empathy. Spending time together, paying attention and listening are ways to show compassion.”
Appreciate differences
At times, conflict is unavoidable, even with close friends. If you get into a dispute over hot-button topics such as politics during your holiday dinner, respectfully express how you feel, and then let it go — at least for a moment.
Emotionally charged topics can cause us to lose our cool. But taking a defensive stance widens the distance between friends.
“Accept that you will not win the argument or change anyone’s mind,” said relationship expert Venus Nicolino, adding, “You have to ask yourself, ‘Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?’ ”
Instead of trying to alter your friend’s viewpoint, share your feelings by saying something like, “I feel sad that we’re arguing, instead of respecting our differences.” Studies on conflict resolution suggest that expressing one’s feelings in this way can help distill tension between friends.
Once you’ve cleared the air, find a way to reconnect. You might redirect the conversation by discussing a shared interest, reminiscing about happy holiday memories or talking about upcoming plans.
“The holidays can bring unwanted stress, but disagreements can be an opportunity to turn conflict into connection,” Nicolino said.
Write a letter
While the holidays bring loved ones together, not everyone feels joyful during the season. “The holidays can leave us feeling lonely, especially if we compare our lives to the romanticized ideal of a vibrant social circle with lots of parties and friends,” Nelson said.
Furthermore, feelings of sadness and disappointment may arise if dear friends live far away. But even if distance makes it tricky to see each other, old-fashioned letter writing can be one way to reconnect.
“Digitally created holiday cards may be cute, but they hardly feel special. Instead of seeing curated photos, friends want to hear about your personal experiences,” Crowe said.
When penning your letter, get personal and specific. Tell your friend how much they’re missed. If a certain holiday song or movie reminds you of them, mention that, too.
“Being vulnerable in this way can encourage Frientimacy, even with friends we don’t see regularly,” Nelson said.
Ask intentional questions
And when catching up with friends, Nelson recommends transforming these conversations into something more intimate by asking intentional questions.
“Instead of updating friends on your holiday plans, ask thoughtful questions like, ‘What was a holiday tradition in your family when you were growing up’ or ‘As a child, what was your most memorable holiday gift?’ ”
Open-ended questions such as these show that we’re curious about our friends’ lives and can help transform chitchat into deeper dialogues.
Whether you’d like to connect with an old friend or forge a new friendship, take the time during the holidays to foster these intimate relationships that provide health benefits throughout the year.
Juli Fraga is a psychologist and freelance writer. You can find her on Twitter @dr_fraga.
Jan. 29, 2019 Gr. 7 eating disorder flashback: I wrote about this before, but I will write about it again.
It was at lunchtime.
Ashley goes to throw out something. Angela then tells me, Leslie, Heidi, and Spyrola.
Angela: Whenever she thinks she ate too much, she throws it up so she won't get fat.
We all say "That's bad."
Ashley comes back.
Angela: I just told them that after you think you ate too much, you throw it up so you won't get fat, and all 4 of them say that's bad.
Ashley: I've only done it like 5 times.
I thought Ashley was going to yell at Angela: "Why did you tell them that? This is personal and private."
You guys are either:
"That's good that Angela told 4 peers that. She wants to help Ashley and show her that 4 peers thinks this action is bad, so stop doing it."
"That's bad that Angela told 4 peers that personal and private information. I won't be telling Angela anything personal and private."
"Angela should be telling Ashley's parents or a teacher about this. They are the ones who have authority and Ashley will listen to them."
Bulimia: I read a Teen magazine article prior to that. It was something about a teen girl who occasionally throws up so she won't get fat. Then she did it daily, and didn't go to sleepovers and overnight trips because she was afraid someone will find out about her problem.
Helping people: I like to help people and solve problems. That's why I like to read advice columns and charity, and celebrities donating to charity.
Jan. 31, 2019: I was thinking about my friend/ old boss A. He's a white guy in his late 30s. I tell him something and he said: "What would you have done?"
After that, I didn't tell anyone about Ashley's habit. I guess I could have told a teacher about it. However, Ashley said she did it 5 times and it wasn't something she does often.
My week:
Sun. Jan. 27, 2019 Work: It was quiet. There were 5 customers.
Turnover:
K- he was a teenage boy and a busser. He got fired after a month. I never met him.
E- she was a woman in her 20s and a server. She got fired after a month. I worked with her for 1 shift because of a big reservation.
Mon. Jan. 28, 2019: I went to work at my other job. It was quiet.
Time Escape: I like the moving graphics on this website.
Mon. Jan. 28, 2019 Job scam: Today I called the Anti- fraud Centre to report another job scam. I called them a couple of weeks ago for another case. This one is the same where the company sends me a check. Never deposit the check.
I already wrote about this before:
Tues. Jan. 29, 2019 Blue Ruby x Cause We Care: Today I found out about this charity in the Edmonton Journal:
Blue Ruby x Cause We Care
Introducing Blue Ruby x Cause We Care Collection, 100% of the proceeds from these beautiful bracelets go towards Cause We Care Foundation’s programs and initiatives in support of single mothers and their children in need in the Greater Vancouver area. Since the program’s inception in 2013, Blue Ruby has successfully donated over half a million dollars to Cause We Care’s initiatives.
"Whether you’re treating the incredible mothers in your life, or simply treating yourself, these bracelets make the perfect gift. We are so grateful to Blue Ruby for their incredible donation to date and for continuing to provide a way for others to give back. It is such an honour to support the many women in our community who fight every day to provide for their families in the face of hardship." - Andrea Thomas Hill, Founder of Cause We Care Foundation.
Fri. Feb. 1, 2019 Winter: I saw the weather for the next few days. I planned not to go out at all. I shoveled a lot of snow today: the sidewalk, front walkway, back walkway, and the steps on both doors.
Sat. Feb. 2, 2019: Today my brother P and I shoveled the snow together.
Be careful driving: I was reading in the Edmonton Journal today that because of the big snowfall, there have been over 100 car accidents.
1. Be careful driving.
2. Ride the bus.
3. Don't go out at all unless you have to like school or work.
Death: This does remind me of the time I was in gr. 12. This girl Sarah who was in my gr. 12 math class, had gotten into a car accident and passed away. She went out on a Fri. night with her friends and was sitting in the back. It was Feb. 2003. My school held a memorial for her.
I don't know if anyone remembers this, but in 2006, I emailed each friend "Thank you" for your friendship and mentioned the accident.
The highlight of the week:
Self-help telesummits: I would have to say the telesummits I mentioned last week are the highlight of this week. It's 2 weeks long.
Work: I got an extra shift at work because someone was sick.
Paycheck: I also got paid this week.
Job interviews: I went to 2 interviews this week: a school cafeteria and a flower shop.
Friends: Today I called Sherry and we talked for about an hr about work and movies.
Burden of Truth: In the season 2 premiere ep "Salesman, Cheats, and Liars":
Billy: They pay you for your advice, but they never want to take it.
Teddy Lavery: You don't invest in relationships, because you don't value them.
I'm going to put those 2 lines in my inspirational quotes. The last one, I thought about putting more effort into my relationships. That's why I called Sherry.
No comments:
Post a Comment