Jan. 15, 2018 "Time is up: #BeCivil": Today I found this article by Eileen Dooley in the Globe and Mail:
Human resources strategist, VF Career Management, Calgary office.
Isn't it time we all started being nicer to each other? There is lots of talk about continuing the #MeToo social-media movement, which no doubt will come with more allegations of inappropriate conduct in the workplace. More high-profile names will be released, and more careers will be in ruin.
For those of us who want to be more proactive about creating workplaces where such behaviour doesn't happen in the first place, I propose making 2018 the Year of Civility. By its dictionary definition, civility means politeness and courtesy, and is related to orderly behaviour by citizens. As the U.S.-based Institute for Civility in Government quite rightly defines it, it is about "disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences, listening past one's preconceptions, and teaching others to do the same."
Lately, we seem to be surrounded by the opposite – and incivility appears dangerously contagious. Seeing high-profile celebrities or industry leaders and, especially, elected officials behaving badly can cause others in more "commoner" roles to think this is the new normal and act out accordingly. Let's not let that happen. We can be better.
Civility, after all, is rooted in respect.
Respond to messages
Start with some basics – if someone reaches out to network professionally, or to raise a difficult issue, have the civility to return the call or e-mail. Sounds simple, but it is not as commonly practised as it used to be.
The reality is that we have all been in a place where we need help from others – be it a research conversation, getting information about an opportunity or simply the desire to build a new professional relationship. Not returning a phone call or an e-mail, especially if this person knows someone you know, is simply uncivil.
Equally uncivil is telling that person you do not have time. We all have time, and we can start the Year of Civility by returning that phone call or e-mail the minute it catches your attention.
This kind of civility goes both ways. If someone offers to help you, take them up on it. Civility crosses the lines of different social ranks and workplace titles, and reminds us that everyone merits respect and attention.
Be inclusive
Especially in our workplaces, we need to dump the outmoded and elitist "knowledge is power" saying from the last century and embrace a view that, the more everyone knows, the more engaged (and happier) they will be. And a happy employee is a good employee.
Recently, I examined civility in a project I was working on. How do employees define civility in a workplace? Collegiality and co-operation are part of the picture, but more important by far was transparent, two-way communications.
Having the opportunity to be included in difficult discussions about the business, to have their views heard, even if not all the input was accepted by leadership, scored higher in importance for employees than fair treatment for all.
In the larger picture, no one is more important than someone else, and everyone deserves the courtesy and respect of being able to share their knowledge and insights.
Whatever your role at work, encourage communication with those you might not normally think to include, even if you anticipate that they might have contrary views.
You may even get a different perspective – one that challenges your own, fills in the blind spots in your own preconceptions and makes for a better outcome.
Unplug to focus
Much has been written about the effects our smartphones have on our social life, as well as our ability to have a productive, non-interrupted, focused conversation. Remember sitting with someone and giving them your undivided, uninterrupted attention for at least an hour?
Chances are it was years ago, before you were reachable 24/7 and had reminder beeps for every other thing you could be doing.
Be civil, and give someone all your time and attention – and stop letting your phone have priority. That device does not care about you (as much as your phone's digital assistant professes otherwise), but the person in front of you does. So, buy a watch, and go have a conversation with someone without your phone. It will take some getting used to, but you will be getting back those good habits you have lost.
Respect, inclusive communication and focus – three necessary components to make 2018 the Year of Civility. We all have it, and have practised it in the past. If we need anything as an antidote to more #MeToo stories, let's make it #BeCivil.
Jun. 11, 2018 "I was a hard- charging workplace bully- until it cost my my job": Today I found this article by Mo Dezyanian. I like this article, because it's about his personal experience and how he changed and improved his behaviour:
My aggressive style served me well as a consultant.
Four years ago, a project I was working on went sideways. We had an ad campaign live but our website was not behaving as promised. As I was walking into the office, I received an urgent e-mail from the client. He was more than upset.
I dialled the website contractor before I’d finished reading, demanding the problem be fixed, stat. Thirty minutes later, when the problem wasn’t resolved and I hadn’t received an update, I called again. And then again 10 minutes later, my tone tighter and harsher each time.
When I hadn’t received the immediate response I required, I punched in the number for my contact’s supervisor, demanding that the problem be resolved immediately. Then I hung up.
I got what I wanted that morning. I usually did.
As a consultant, I was usually hired by top managers for a short-term assignment. I’d hit the ground running – move in, choose a course of action and turn on the afterburners.
I’d demand swift results from staff and stakeholders, never taking no for an answer. Once the problems were addressed, I’d move on to another job, with another executive, at another company.
Many of the company bosses – who hired me, but didn’t usually work directly with me – loved my results and track record. After all, that’s exactly why people often hire consultants; they’re looking for someone from outside to make the hard decisions and execute the tough tasks.
But after one successful short-term stint, where I fired and replaced a whole division that wasn’t performing well, I was offered a full-time gig. For me, the timing was right. With a new mortgage signed and plans for kids on the horizon, I decided it was a good time to take on a regular job.
But working on staff was a whole new ballgame.
No surprise, my style clashed with management and other line-of-business leaders, and the intense competition over bonus dollars only added fuel to the flames. Based partly on this clash, I left the company before my probation period was over
.
The full-time gig had clearly not been a success story. I was discouraged and shaken – still faced with the mortgage and plans for a family, but without any financial certainty. I had to rev up my consulting business again, pronto. I started calling and e-mailing, sending LinkedIn messages, reaching out to my network.
But few returned my calls and notes.
And as the no-reply pattern continued, the realization dawned that a lot of people didn’t want to work with me. It was a seriously tough pill to swallow.
When we get hit hard, we tend to think hard. That’s what I did. And I thought in particular about how I’d approached my work in the past.
I’d always start by attacking the big problems. But I didn’t stop there, I’d attack the people who got in the way of change.
We’ve all been in that place, knowing who was standing foursquare in the path of progress, and wanting to transport them halfway around the planet.
Yet, I loved the business I was in. So I decided to rebuild my relationships, one by one.
I started by sending gift packages to a few former clients. Something simple, something sweet – say gourmet muffins, or chocolate. I got a 100-per-cent callback rate on those ones.
But with most, I tried to learn what motivated them to get into business, and what they were like as human beings. I was vulnerable. And, more than that, I was sincere.
This wasn’t just about assuaging old hurts; it was about me moving forward as an empathetic colleague and leader.
This wasn’t just about assuaging old hurts; it was about me moving forward as an empathetic colleague and leader.
Moment by moment, one coffee at a time, I built up a new consulting business, this time focusing on advertisers instead of agencies. I named my new agency Empathy, to remind me of the value of building long-term relationships.
Now when I tackle a business problem, I put considerable effort into understanding
why previous decisions were made,
and how different courses of action could affect various stakeholders.
I listen. I invest time and effort into understanding the motivations and values of the people I work with.
why previous decisions were made,
and how different courses of action could affect various stakeholders.
Short-term results are often temporary and changeable. Lasting achievement or change only comes from a long-term approach.
Sure, there are times when a more inclusive approach takes a bit longer, but today’s solution is the basis of tomorrow’s new initiative. And while short-term results will please an impatient boss looking for a certain metric, long-term relationships and strong teams are how mountains are moved.
Sure, there are times when a more inclusive approach takes a bit longer, but today’s solution is the basis of tomorrow’s new initiative. And while short-term results will please an impatient boss looking for a certain metric, long-term relationships and strong teams are how mountains are moved.
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/small-business/managing/article-i-was-a-workplace-bully-until-it-cost-me-my-job/
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My opinion: This woman needs to call the police because this is assault.
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