Monday, September 18, 2017

"I'm a shy adult who's never dated- now I have a crush"/ guys like independence

Apr. 5, 2015  I'm a shy adult who's never dated - now I have a crush:  I cut out this advice column from Zarqa Nawaz in the Globe and Mail on Mar. 23, 2012.  Here's the whole article:

Regina-based Zarqa Nawaz is the creator of the CBC-TV sitcom Little Mosque on the Prairie.

Group Therapy is a relationship advice column that asks readers to contribute their wisdom.

A reader writes: I’m a shy guy in my early 30s who has actually never dated. I’ve had crushes but never the courage to tell girls I like them. Last summer I travelled to Europe for a Catholic gathering and fell for a girl who is 21. I’ve seen her twice since then but have said nothing about my feelings. How do I let her know I’d like to get to know her and see what happens? I’m worried she may be more experienced than me in relationships.

Start small

As a guy who never dated until my late 20s, I'd say, “What are you waiting for?” I always assumed that my crushes were too good for me and I made the excuses so that I never had to hear NO. Don’t build it up bigger than it is. Start small with a meal and don’t be afraid to ask at the end of the night if it’s something she'd like to do again. Every relationship is new at the beginning and experience doesn’t dictate if it works or not.

Todd Simpson, Windsor, Ont.

Try being friends

When my husband and I met, he was the shy guy. He had never had a girlfriend, while I’d had other boyfriends. We met in college and got to know each other, talking a lot about our pasts. He was never judgmental. We started dating and a year later we were married! So do not be afraid to ask her out as a friend at first. Hang out, get to know her and do not think about her past. Be honest with her and yourself. The worst outcome is that you may have a new friend.

Lucia De Santis, Brampton, Ont.

Chalk up some experience

Not to put too fine a point on it, but with each passing year, the women you meet and are attracted to are going to be more and more likely to have more experience than you. That may matter in the case of this girl in particular, but it really may not. Attraction is one of those funny things that can break down almost any barrier. That being said, if she does not return your affections, don’t get discouraged! Even rejection is a form of experience in love.

Adam Green, Ottawa

The final word

My mother comes from the world of arranged marriages. Nobody, no matter how shy or bucktoothed, got left behind. When I put my foot down and refused to partake in what I thought was a medieval custom, I found out fast that there is one significant benefit to meeting your spouse on your wedding day: no work.

And work you must do in order to meet your future partner. The woman you’re interested in belongs to the Facebook generation, so do your homework. If you find out she’s in a relationship, it’s not the end of the world because, last I heard, there are still single women left on this planet.

And if she’s available, take Todd’s advice. Start small. Ask if she’d like to meet for coffee and see what happens. If that’s too difficult, it’s time to bring in the cavalry. Asking people who care about you for introductions is another way to meet people. I was nerdy, weird and simply incapable of attracting someone on my own.

When your conservative Muslim mother tells you “it wouldn’t kill you to flirt with a man,” you know you’ve hit rock bottom. My brother actually had to phone his friends across Canada in a hunt for a suitable husband. After exhausting several provinces, he struck gold in Saskatchewan.

Dating websites are a fantastic resource. I would go to one that says something like (I’m just guessing here) “” and be honest in your profile. Share, among your other good qualities, that you’re shy and don’t have a lot of experience. Like Lucia said, the right woman won’t care. And if you don’t judge her, she won’t judge you.

Remember Adam’s advice: Rejection is par for the course. You can’t let it deter you. It’s either that or have my mother hook you up on your wedding day.

Feb. 17, 2017 Guys like independence:

Looks can hook a guy, but what is it that keeps them wanting more? After discussing the topic with some guy friends, my boyfriend, and even my parents, I noticed a particular trait that was consistent across conversations. It was agreed that the sexiest trait in a woman by far is independence.

Independent women are assertive, self-assured, and play by their own rules. They don't need anybody else but themselves to validate who they are. So when it comes to relationships, they're low maintenance as partners because they're busy running their own lives. They know when and what to give without being overbearing and have enough confidence to thrive on their own.

Here's what some of them said:

"It shows that they don't need me." - Jacob (27)

"Independence is attractive because it means they have their own thoughts and interests outside of me - creates a much deeper and interesting person." - Sam (26)

"To be independent, you have to have a lot of other good qualities. Like you've gotta have some sort of level-headedness, intellect, and confidence." - Marcus (27)

"Because you're creating your own path for others to follow." - Sunny (49)

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the biggest turnoff they said was neediness. It's a deal-breaker if she doesn't know how to be without her boyfriend. This can be in the form of expecting constant communication, not wanting to hang out with her own friends, or showing irritation when her significant other is unavailable. If this sounds like you, cut it out.

You have to know how to be secure with yourself and in return, you won't need a man to make you feel complete. Whoever recognizes this about you will appreciate you as a partner even more.

But there's a difference between being self-reliant and playing hard to get. It's only a matter of time before that becomes old, and the chase is no longer fun or going anywhere.

Independence is a characteristic, not a game. Men appreciate this quality in a potential partner because it proves you'll be a good teammate who can pull their own weight.

My week:

Sept. 12, 2017: Yesterday was my day off.  I dropped off an envelope to my co-worker S at my 2nd restaurant job.  

Sell Travel: I found this in the Edmonton Journal classified ads.  I did the phone interview a couple of weeks ago.

It's selling travel plans and insurance.

You need a license to sell travel insurance (like a real estate agent).

It's work-from-home.

It's not a scam.

They have a 2 day class to train you.

You get 60% commission of what you sell.  Ex.  You sell $100 plan and you get $60 of it.

The co-worker S says she lives in a military base at Lancaster Park.  She is looking for an administrative assistant job like I am.  However, she lives by the north side and I told her I will send her job ads on that side because it's really far away from me.

Also the military base has buses that are like 6am-8am and 3pm-5pm.  In her case, she needs to get a driver's license and a car to help her get to and from work.  That's why I sent her the work-from-home job.

Chiropractic office: I did a job interview there last week.  


1. It was really close by, like 1 short bus ride.

2. The pay was good.

3. It was part-time, but the hours were days.  I can work my restaurant job around it.

4. I can do the job.

Cons: None.

My opinion: I would work there if I got hired.  However, I didn't get hired.  I will give them points that one of them called me back and said I wasn't hired.  

Sept,. 14, 2017 Kristen Bell Saves Frozen Co-Star Josh Gad's Family From Hurricane Irma:

Now that's friendship.
Josh Gadrevealed late Friday that his Frozen co-star Kristen Bell "literally saved" his entire family on Florida's east coast from Hurricane Irma by getting them a hotel room further inland. The actor, who voices Olaf the snowman, was raised in Hollywood, Florida, which is located near Miami. Hurricane Irma is projected to hit those areas on Sunday morning.

"So @kristenanniebell literally saved my parents and my entire family tonight from #hurricaneirma," Gad wrote on Instagram, alongside a selfie showing Bell with his parents. "When they were stranded in Florida, she got them a hotel room at her hotel in Orlando and saved them, my brothers, my sister-in-law and niece and nephew."

The actress is in Florida to film her new comedy movie Like Father and has been hunkering down at a Walt Disney World resort. The theme parks are shutting down over the next few days because of Irma.

"They don't make them like this girl. Thank you Kristin. You are truly an angel sent from above. And thank you @ewablueeyes for bother her when I asked you not to!!!!" Gad added.

Summer 2017 shows: These are the shows I have been watching.

1. 21 Thunder- it's an average show.  I only watch it for Edmonton actor Kyle Mac.

2. Midnight, Texas- it's an average show and it's fun.  

3. Somewhere Between- it's an average show.  I have recorded 4 episodes and I haven't watched them yet.

4. Zoo- they're in the 3rd season it was fun to watch.

I haven't watched Salvation at all.  I watched the pilot and recorded all the episodes.  Now I will go and delete it.  I don't like the pilot.  I recorded this show in case I didn't have anything to watch over the summer.

I remember the days when I used to watch Maury in 2003-2005.  I used to like watching the paternity test results.  It's not until in 2005, I started disliking and getting too angry at it.  Why are you watching something you hate?  This is your free time, and you should be doing something you like. 

Chores: It's not like doing household chores.  I don't like washing dishes, but I'm not going to buy paper plates and plastic forks and knives and throw them out.  That's bad for the environment.  I know you're using water to wash dishes, but you're not creating more garbage. 

Starting Over TV show: Though the shows like Once Upon a Time and Emerald City episodes got deleted, fortunately, I got the One Network (Telus channel 349).  It airs this TV show on syndication at 6pm.  I have recorded all the episodes.  

I have currently watched the last half of season 3.  I saw the season 3 finale/ series finale.  Now they started mid- season 2. 

The Fall 2017 TV shows: They are all coming on the last week of Sept.

These are the pilots I'm going to check out:

1. Wisdom of the Crowd
2. The Brave
3. Seal Team
5. The Good Doctor
6. Alias Grace (6 eps)
7. Inhumans
8. Ghosted
9. Frankie Drake
10. 10 Days in the Valley (10 eps)
11. The Disappearance (6 eps)
12. Star Trek: Discovery
13. The Gifted

I'm probably going to watch Alias Grace, 10 Days in the Valley, and The Disappearance because they are all mysteries.  Also it is a limited run.  Everything else I will probably watch the pilot and never watch again. 

Sept. 18, 2017 Fergie and Josh Duhamel announce separation:

Pop star Fergie and actor Josh Duhamel have announced they are separating after eight years of marriage.

"With absolute love and respect we decided to separate as a couple earlier this year," the couple said in a joint statement to CNN. "To give our family the best opportunity to adjust, we wanted to keep this a private matter before sharing it with the public. We are and will always be united in our support of each other and our family."

The two married in 2009 and are parents to 4-year-old son, Axl.

My opinion: I'm not really a fan of either of them.  I'm kind of sad, but I will give them points they lasted 8 yrs.

Amber Alert: The highlight of my week was that I saw this TV movie that starred Edmonton actor Kyle Mac.  I tweeted to him:

Your TV movie Amber Alert is on CTV 2 tonight at 8pm. I'm going to watch it.

He "liked" my tweet.

On  It is also called I Have Your Children:

A young man takes a bus full of kids hostage in a desperate attempt to receive ransom money from an insurance company save that denied his very sick mother's claim.

My opinion: There were quite a few surprises in this action movie.  

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