Oct. 7, 2022 "Experts explain how to speak to your partner about finances": Today I found this article by Iva Poshnjari on BNN Bloomberg:
Talking about finances with your significant other in the best of times can be challenging, but living through economic uncertainty may bring additional stress to these conversations.
BNN Bloomberg spoke with financial experts who offered insight on how couples can approach speaking to each other about their financial situation and find strategies for success.
FINDING THE RIGHT TIME
The consensus among money experts is to discuss finances with your partner sooner rather than later. Still, one advisor said the best strategy is to let these talks come up organically.
"Instead of offering a specific timeline, I suggest that couples lean into these pieces of the financial conversation as they naturally arise," Stefanie O’Connell Rodriguez, a financial expert and host of the Money Confidential Podcast, said.
She explained that conversations about money usually come up organically when couples book a trip or plan on moving in together. However, she said that this doesn't mean that talking about money is off-limits on the first date.
"You can ask someone, even as soon as the first date,
what they like to splurge on
and what kind of goals they're working towards.
This way can feel out your financial compatibility early on," she said.
HANDLING JOINT EXPENSES
At some point in a relationship, couples will likely begin sharing expenses. This setup will look different for everyone, Rodriguez said.
Some couples are comfortable with a
50/50 split,
while others prefer to approach expenses in proportion to their income, she explained.
Some ways to track a joint budget can be through an
excel spreadsheet,
or digital apps that help couples keep a monthly tab, such as Splitwise or Buddy.
It's important to remember that what's financially "fair" when splitting expenses is different for every couple, Rodriguez noted.
"A significant other who was once the breadwinner can lose their job, or someone in the relationship can get promoted.
Situations like this mean what's financially fair changes," she explained.
There's also the reality of budgeting for possible pre-existing debt from either partner when committing to a relationship.
One-in-three Canadians (31 per cent) took on debt from a partner when entering a relationship, the latest data from Finder Canada revealed.
The average amount of debt inherited in a relationship was $17,417, according to the report.
"It's crucial that couples practice full financial disclosure - with each partner sharing their income streams, debts, assets, etc., prior to a marriage," she said.
FEELING INSECURE
If financial circumstances differ significantly between partners,
or insecurities about income arise,
one advisor said compassion and money allocation can be key to resolution.
"It's not always about how much you make,
sometimes it's about how you spend it,"
Jessica Moorhouse, a money expert and accredited financial counselor, said.
There is a way to make both people feel like they are contributing to the larger financial goals you both share despite a gap in income, she said.
Moorhouse explained that conversations about money can be challenging because people bring their financial trauma into relationships.
It's for this reason that she advised each partner to bring compassion to these discussions, and to remember there's a human being on the other end.
There's also the option of seeking external help if couples are having a hard time.
"If you are struggling to find common ground with finances, you can consider bringing in a third party like a financial advisor or even a therapist," Moorhouse said.
One tip she provided was to set aside a specific time and day of the month where finances are discussed.
This can look like tracking your financial goals or seeing where things may have gone wrong in that 30-day period.
"Talking about money will always bring ups and downs, but if you keep having the conversation it will get easier," Moorhouse said.
Experts explain how to speak to your partner about finances - BNN Bloomberg
Feb. 17, 2023 "Am I in your will? New game playfully asks partners to get real about finances": Today I found this article by Cathy Kearney on CBC:
Whether you are just starting to date or have been together for decades, talking about money can quickly lead to friction-filled arguments that often drive a wedge into the heart of a relationship.
It's no wonder this emotionally charged topic leaves couples struggling with all levels of financial decision-making when questions like:
'Should we share expenses equally or proportionally?,'
or
'Do you have debt?'
require answers.
"It boils down to some of those big feelings like
shame,
embarrassment,
fear of getting into an argument with your partner
or fear of being judged,"
said Charlotte Pecknold, a financial expert with Coast Capital Savings.
To help ease the stress of those terror-inducing conversations, Coast Capital developed a card game called Talk Money to Me that aims to help partners open up to one another about their financial realities and goals —
by either
slowly wading into the murky waters of money talk
or diving right into the deep end.
"Couples can shuffle the deck and get right into the meat of it by pulling up the cards as they come, (that's) for the more risk adverse," said Pecknold.
"But we recommend keeping it in the order they come so that you are not jumping right into the most provocative questions."
The cards prompt partners to ask each other weighty questions such as:
Do you save for retirement?
Would you rather buy or lease a car?
Should we sign a cohabitation or prenuptial agreement.
Do you owe your friends or family any money?
Do you have a will or estate — and am I in it?
"Once couples learn basic healthy communication skills
without escalating
or avoiding
they can talk about pretty much anything," said Edel Walsh, a certified relationship counsellor and owner of Love Done Well Counselling in Vancouver, B.C.
Coast Capital commissioned a poll that asked Canadians about why they think talking about money is so challenging.
And while 97 per cent of respondents believe transparency about finances is fundamental to healthy relationships,
nearly half — 45 per cent — admitted to being dishonest with their partner when it comes to their money.
Make or break?
The survey shines a light on just how uncomfortable partners are when talking about money, with 75 per cent of respondents saying they would consider ending a relationship if they found out their partner was engaging in risky financial behaviour.
"It's such a triggering topic," said Walsh, adding that one partner will sometimes feel so threatened talking about money that they experience a fight or flight response.
"A lot of people would rather avoid the conflict and the conversations than potentially risk losing the bond of the relationship," she said.
Pecknold describes meeting with a recently-married couple who were opening their first account together with the intention of sharing expenses like groceries, phone bills and other utilities.
"It very quickly was uncovered that we had two very different financial situations sitting at that table. And they were learning it at the same time I was," she said.
The conversation revealed a financial imbalance within the partnership where one person had worked through university, paying their tuition and even saving a little, while the other racked up student debt and struggled with their credit score.
"It really speaks to needing to have that conversation early and often so you aren't learning that information about your partner at the 11th hour," Pecknold said.
The Coast Capital study was carried out by Angus Reid Forum and was an online panel survey of 1,549 adults in Canada from Jan. 10 to 13 of this year.
Am I in your will? New game playfully asks partners to get real about finances | CBC News
My opinion: Before you get married, you should know your partner's financial situation like if they have debt.
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