Nov. 27, 2022 "'Dirty debt secret' guides couple out of the red, others struggle to stay afloat": Today I found this article by Bob Becken on CBC:
With Christmas around the corner, Matt Walker says he's terrified to once again have a credit card after four years without one.
Walker and his wife, Dioné, racked up approximately $40,000 in debt from travelling, getting married and having kids — all the while not adjusting their spending habits.
"You get to a point where all you're paying is just interest," he told Cross Country Checkup's Ian Hanomansing.
"We had points where we took out a loan and tried to pay that off just to lower the interest rates.
It was never enough to pay off. You have so much debt. It just kind of snowballed."
Statistics Canada says the average Canadian household had about $1.82 in credit market debt for every dollar of disposable income in the second quarter of 2022.
That puts the country's debt-to-disposable income ratio at 182 per cent — the ratio peaked last year at 185 per cent.
In an effort to beat down inflation, the Bank of Canada raised its benchmark interest rate in October by 50 basis points to 3.75 per cent. But even as inflation cools, food prices continue to rise, putting further stress on people's finances.
The Medicine Hat, Alta., couple was able to eventually turn things around and have been debt free for about one year.
"My wife did a lot of financial research, and it was a lot to swallow.
No credit cards,
no lending,
and we had $700 a month that we had to pay on a loan.
Just to take away that parachute, having no credit to fall back on, it's so scary."
And when they did eventually clear that financial hurdle, Walker says it didn't feel real at first.
"It kind of forces you to be like a team.
Open dialogue,
trying to discuss where we're at
and not have it be like a secret from your wife," he said.
"It felt like having one person [be] part of your dirty debt secret."
Debt can bond or break relationships
Nora Beninger says finding a new partner with a shared financial approach was a major criteria after her first marriage ended.
The Ottawa resident says she was with a "financially irresponsible" person who accumulated significant debt, making her feel as though she lost control of her life.
"I just remember the constant fear that I would end up eating cat food in retirement," Beninger said.
As a refugee who came to Canada at a young age, her parents arrived with essentially nothing, she says. They were always very money conscious — a trait that was passed along to her.
Remarrying nine years ago, Beninger — a chartered professional accountant — says it was important to her to be with someone who had a similar attitude about money.
"He told me right away that he owned his house outright. I knew this guy had no debt. He also told me he had enough money stashed away to get him through one year if he was ever laid off."
Beninger says she and her husband, Brent, don't need a life of luxury to be happy.
"I don't stay awake at night anymore.
We're in it together, and we're rolling and pulling in the same direction.
It is such a huge difference."
The relationship/money connection is indisputable, says Bruce Sellery.
Money can be either the source of a life well lived
or the cause of angst, pain and heartbreak, he says.
The CEO of Credit Canada asserts that very few couples take the time and energy to have critical conversations surrounding their financial health that could end up saving both money and the relationship.
He stresses it's "way cheaper" to stay married, if it makes sense — and is safe — to do so.
Sellery suggests taking the "yours, mine and ours" approach.
Paycheques come in and go into a joint account to cover shared expenses like the mortgage and property tax.
"Maybe there's some savings, but then there is money that is yours — and you do whatever the heck you want with that money.
Same with your partner. I promise I will not say a word about it. You won't judge me and I don't have to hide packages when they arrive from Amazon."
Ailing partner, pandemic purchases led to near insolvency
Sue Defoor's longtime partner was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease in 2017, while they were living on Vancouver Island.
She decided to move them to Brockville, Ont., to be closer to her family for support — ultimately losing money on the "rushed" sale of her house and from mounting programming and service care costs for her ailing partner.
"COVID hit, and then everything went to hell in a handbasket," she said. "You had to use your credit card [to buy necessities online] because you couldn't go anywhere and didn't want to bring anything [illness] home to him."
Defoor says as interest rates "started going through the roof" she couldn't afford to do anything. She says she pondered consolidation but ended up deciding to sell her house and move into an apartment.
The third person in a relationship: money
Navigating financial compatibility between partners is key for relationships to flourish, according to Justin Michel.
The Mississauga, Ont., psychotherapist says it's important for couples to be on the same page financially whether they're married or not.
Before getting into romantic relationships, people have a relationship with money itself that is fostered and developed in childhood, Michel says.
"It's kind of like money is this third person in the marriage or in the romantic relationship."
The pandemic was good in many ways for some of his clients, Michel says, as it brought finances to the forefront of their conversations at home.
"Before, you had two people where the narrative was just: Go to work and come back and do whatever we can ... and those few hours we have remaining on the weekend. Rinse and repeat."
But during the pandemic, when couples were forced to stay at home, there was a lot more opportunity to have those kinds of conversations, Michel adds, and realize how much they differ in terms of financial values.
'Dirty debt secret' guides couple out of the red, others struggle to stay afloat | CBC Radio
Jan. 27, 2023 "How couples can team up on debt repayment": Today I found this article by Sara Rathner on BNN Bloomberg:
Between financially helping his parents and losing income as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, Jeremy Mazza landed into serious credit card debt. Relief came from a source he wasn’t expecting: his partner, Ginna Lambert, who had come into a small inheritance. She suggested “investing” part of her bounty in their shared future by lending small amounts to Mazza that he could apply toward his debt.
It took a bit of convincing.
“To have to ask for money when I was the provider and had parents who themselves were asking for money, I didn’t want to follow in their footsteps and be taking,” Mazza says. “But that’s not what this was, this was a caring thing.”
Mazza and Lambert approached the situation with open communication and specific loan terms. And for them, it’s paying off: Mazza estimates his credit score went up by about 150 points. The couple, who live in Richmond, Virginia, are getting married this year, and they hope to buy a home soon as well.
“I had a very, very, very vested interest in making sure my partner’s credit score and finances were in as good of a shape as possible,” Lambert says.
While joint debt is a shared responsibility, individual debts you bring into a relationship are ultimately yours to tackle.
Still, they can get in the way of making life plans as a couple, so it may make sense for your significant other to help you with your debt in some way.
But don’t enter into an arrangement of this kind without a plan.
GET VULNERABLE WITH THE FULL FINANCIAL PICTURE
It’s essential to be open with each other about your individual financial situations, especially as your relationship gets more serious.
If a couple is planning to get married, it’s a good idea to have a conversation before tying the knot,” says Trina Patel, a Los Angeles-based senior financial advice manager at Albert, a financial services company.
Schedule a few distraction-free money dates where you talk about what’s going on for each of you. Those conversations can help you
establish shared goals
and figure out what actions to take to meet them,
like adjusting your budget
or finding ways to increase income.
“Debt can often bring feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment leading spouses to not talk about the debts they have,” said Leanne Rahn, a financial advisor at Fiduciary Financial Advisors in Grand Rapids, Michigan, by email. “Vulnerability is hard but remember, you and your significant other are a team.”
CONSIDER NONMONETARY WAYS TO HELP
You may be unable, or unwilling, to pay off your partner’s debt.
There are lots of other ways you can provide support, however.
You can serve as an accountability buddy,
help rethink your household budget if you live together
or find ways to be more frugal in your shared spending.
Maybe you can take on some more chores at home to give your partner time to pick up additional hours at work, or you can help your partner edit their resume if they want to find a higher-paying job.
DISCUSS A FINANCIAL ARRANGEMENT
If you’re comfortable gifting or loaning your partner money to put toward their debts, iron out all the details. Specify dollar amounts and write it all down.
Lambert, for example, started by offering a six-month, interest-free $2,000 loan to Mazza. Over time, they both felt comfortable with additional, larger loans.
Working with an attorney on a contract can help both partners feel at ease.
“A legally binding agreement would definitely make the responsibilities of each spouse/significant other clear and straightforward with the law holding them accountable,” Rahn says.
KNOW WHEN TO SAY ‘NO’
It’s OK to not want to take on someone else’s financial burden, even if you care about them.
If your relationship is relatively new
or you’re unsure of how it might progress,
you can still cheer on your partner as they pay down their debt.
And if your partner won’t take your “no” for an answer, consider it a money red flag and proceed with caution.
“I wouldn’t have offered this if we were still in our honeymoon phase,” Lambert says. “At that point, we had already moved in together. He had already proven, time and time again, that he was reliable.”
This column was provided to The Associated Press by the personal finance website NerdWallet. Sara Rathner is a writer at NerdWallet.
How couples can team up on debt repayment - BNN Bloomberg
No comments:
Post a Comment