Feb. 20 Jokes: I got this from Daily Silly recently, but I think they sent this one to me before:
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her."
Me: lol.
"A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."
Me: At first I didn't get it. I was like: "Is this supposed to be sexual?" Then I was like: "Oh yeah, it's making fun of the saying 'Beggars can not be choosers."
Feb. 22 Quirky: I got this from Daily Silly, and I thought it was quirky.
DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
Feb. 23: I got some more:
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
New friend: It was so cool yesterday. I went to a job interview and was waiting for the bus. This guy comes and asks when the bus is supposed to come and how to get to the airport. We started chatting and his name is Neil. He's 32 and he was going to visit his family in Toronto.
We talked about movies, writing, and blogging. We discussed my script The Vertex Fighter. We got on the bus and I gave him my two blog addresses and email address. I got his blog and email address too. We got off in downtown and went to Tim Horton's so he could get a green tea. We then went to the library so he could use the internet to find a cheap hotel to stay in.
Me: This reminds me of Futurama.
Bender: Get a room!
Guy: We are in a room!
Bender: Then lose some weight!
Neil laughs. So we hung out for 2 hrs since we met at the bus stop. I went home and looked up his blog and read a post, and then I emailed him.
Feb. 25 Job application joke: I got this joke from Daily Silly. It says it's a real, so I looked up his name. I then found this link, and a few of the answers were different, but still funny.
Here's Greg Bulmash's officical site. It says this: "Bulmash.com is owned by Greg Bulmash (yes, that Greg Bulmash). No, he never worked for McDonalds, though he did work for Jack in the Box for 2 days in the mid-80s (mostly frying tacos before he got disgusted and moved on to bigger and better things). The job application was a joke (see the April 10, 1997 humor column below) that became an urban legend."
http://www.bulmash.com/
Here's the Bulmash's job application on his site:
http://www.bulmash.com/04-10-97.html
Here's the Daily Silly one:
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing
that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
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