Feb. 18 Joke: Here's a joke I got from Daily Silly:
John invited his mother over for dinner one evening. During the meal, she couldn't help but notice how attractive his roommate Judy was.
She had been suspicious of a relationship between her son and his roommate for quite some time, but this only made her more curious.
She watched the two of them interact over the course of the evening and began to wonder whether there was more between John and Judy than met the eye.
Realizing only too well what his mother was thinking, John said, "I can see your wheels turning Mom and I know what you're thinking. Rest assured Judy and I are strictly roommates."
A few days later, Judy went to John and said, "You know the beautiful silver gravy ladle? Well, ever since your mother came to dinner I can't seem to find it. You don't think she would have taken it, do you?"
"I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure," replied John.
John then sat down and wrote his mother the following letter: "Dear Mom, While I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'didn't' take a gravy ladle, the fact remains that ever since you were here for dinner one has been missing. Love, Your son."
Several days later, John received a reply from his mother which read: "Dear John, While I am not saying you 'do' sleep with Judy, and I'm not saying you 'don't' sleep with her, the fact remains that she would have found the gravy ladle by now if she were sleeping in her own bed. Love, Mom."
Me: I thought it was a good joke, but it sounded a little familiar. I don't know if it's real or imagined in my memory, but I may have read this in an Ann Landers advice column. Maybe when I was 10 or 11 yrs old was when I started reading her advice column.
Condoms at work: This may be the law of attraction here. Or a coincidence. So last week my friend pointed out that she found a condom in a drawer at the restaurant. I was like: "What?" I saw it and I checked the expiry date. It doesn't expire for a few more years, so it stayed there. If it expired, I would have thrown it out.
Well my favorite joke of all time is: "So the other day I bought of condoms....because my last one was expired."
I then got a flashback and told my friend. I was recently reading a Cosmopolitan magazine my sister gave me. There's a section about rants. A woman wrote in: "I asked a co-worker to use a highlighter. She said it's in this left drawer. I go there, and there were condoms there. Why do you have condoms at work? Why did you tell me to go to the drawer if you knew I would see them?"
Laughing about death: I was thinking about those death jokes about a dead spouse or parent. But I have finally made a joke that's too dark to laugh at. Remember Arrested Development where Tobias says to Michael:
Tobias: I don't know why you're giving us marriage advice. Look at you, you're not married. Why? Because your wife is dead.
I then thought, it would be really dark if he said this:
Tobias: I don't know why you're giving us parenting advice. Look at you, you don't have any kids. Why? Because your kid is dead.
Death of a child is nothing to laugh about. I got a flashback of the show Lucky Louie. It stars comedian Louis CK. I saw promos on Comedy Network and tuned in for one ep in 2010. There was lots of profanity. I have a really dark joke, I have mentioned it before. Be prepared, because you will be offended.
Louis CK plays a dad on the show, and his daughter is a real brat.
Louis: Now I know why they throw babies in the garbage.
Parks and Recreation: In other news, Louis CK guest-starred on Parks and Recreation where he blurts out to his ex-girlfriend Leslie that he's still in love with her.
It's February sweeps season, where TV shows get the really good episodes. You know like in November and May sweeps before the show goes on hiatus for a month or so. Last year they had Will Forte guest-star (he's from Saturday Night Live.)
Cadence of a joke: Also from Parks and Recreation, do you remember that time where the news reporter Berd interviews Leslie on TV? He asks about how a man sent pictures of his genitals to all the women in the City Hall's office.
Berd: How big of a deal is this?
Leslie: Well it's not that big of a deal. If you know what I mean.
Berd: I don't, but it does have the cadence of a joke.
Cadence means rhythm.
The Simpsons: That reminds me of The Simpsons. Homer thought Bart may be gay, and Bart was wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
Homer: Hey where did you get that shirt?
Bart: I don't know, it just came out of the closet.
I was like 10yrs old, so I didn't even know that was that a joke. I never heard of that phrase before. I didn't hear the cadence because shirts are from the closet. I thought it was setting up for the joke in the next scene.
Homer: Look Marge, there are 2 kind of guys who wear Hawaiin shirts. Gay guys and big, fat party animals. And Bart doesn't look like a big, fat party animal to me.
Blue: I'll even throw in that British boy band Blue. There was that interview I told you about.
Host: Do you guys own any pets?
Lee: My cat committed suicide.
The audience of teenage girls: What?
There was no cadence of a joke because Lee said it so plainly. Lee's face was completely straight. Antony then burst out laughing.
Dateline: I was kind of inspired by Antony from Blue laughing at something that isn't supposed to be funny. What if one of the predators on Dateline: To Catch a Predator is in court? The prosecutor shows the Dateline video to the jury as evidence.
I can imagine Antony sitting in the jury box, and he is laughing when watching it.
1000awesomethings.com: I've been reading The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha in my free time. He talks about little things that make him happy. I will share mine.
It was a couple of months ago, but I watching Once Upon a Time, and the ep was "The Good Shepherd." There is a homecoming party for amnesia patient David Nolan (Prince Charming.) At the party, I see one of my favorite actors David Anders show up. I screamed. Every time I see him pop up on a TV show, especially when I'm not expecting it, I scream with excitement.
When I see his name on the screen before I see him, I don't exactly scream. I just look forward and wait to see him appear. I usually scream with a lot of actors I like that suddenly appear on screen.
Rickshaw: A couple of months ago I was reading the New Year's Day movie review and it mentioned about a rickshaw. I had to ask what that word is to my sister.
Me: What's a rickshaw?
S: It's a carriage where you're pulled from.
Me: Like a horse carriage?
S: Haven't you seen those old Chinese movies? You sit on a carriage, and you're pulled from it.
Me: Oh yeah.
Here's dictionary.com: "A small two-wheeled passenger vehicle drawn by one or two men, used in parts of Asia."
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