Apr. 11 Jokes: I got these from Daily Silly:
Desert: Two guys met in the
middle of
the desert. One was carrying a car door, the other an umbrella. The one
with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you
carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the desert?" To
which the guy with the umbrella replies, "Yeah", but it keeps me out of
the sun! By the way, why are you carrying around that car door, you
don't even have a car to go with it!" The guy with the car door says,
"Yeah, well at least if I get too hot from the sun I can just roll down
the window!"
Me: lol. Stupid and funny.
Diet: Mr. Johnson was
overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. He said; "I want you to eat
regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for
two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least five
pounds." When Mr. Johnson returned, he shocked the doctor by having
dropped almost twenty pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor told
him. "You did this just by following my instructions?" The slimmed down
Mr. Johnson nodded. "I'll tell you, though, I though I was going to drop
dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No," replied Mr.
Johnson, "from skipping."
Family: Due to inherit a fortune when
his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to
enjoy it with. Going to a singles bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty
took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to
her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20
million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day
she became his stepmother.
Me: It was funny, but I kind of cringed at it. That reminds me of 2003, there was a TV show called Method and Red. It was about the 2 rappers named Method Man and Red Man and they move into this rich upper class white neighborhood. Cue the "black people are different from white people" jokes.
I remember reading a comment on Fametracker Forums about that show. Someone said: "I laugh as much as I cringe."
Marriage: Mo and Jo are sitting in
boat fishing, drinking beer and chewing tobacco when out of the blue Mo
says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife she ain't spoke to me in over a
month" Jo sips his beer and says, "Better think it over, women like
that are hard to find."
Me: Okay, that joke was kind of sexist against women.
Here's one against the men:
Wife hit her husband
with frying pan. Husband: "What was that for?" Wife: "I found a paper in
your pocket with the name Jenny on it" Husband: "I took part in a race
last week and Jenny was the name of my horse" Wife: "Sorry!" Next day
wife hit him with the frying pan again Husband: "What now?" Wife: "Your
horse is on the Phone."
Airplane: Four people are in an
airplane, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in
the world, and a punk teenager. The airplane experiences some
difficulties, and the pilot informs the three passengers that the plane
is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes on the plane.
The
richest man in the world takes one, because he says that his lawyers
will sue everyone else on the plane if he doesn't survive. The smartest
man in the world takes a parachute, because he thinks that the world
would be a worse place without him. The pilot says to the punk "There's
only one parachute left, I'll fight you for it." "That won't be
necessary," said the punk, "The smartest man in the world took my
backpack."
Me: That starts my writer's imagination. The punk then jumps out of the plane. The smartest man then clings onto the richest guy for dear life as they jump off the plane.
My friend Sam emailed me back about this. I asked her if I can quote her on it, and she says yes.
Teacher joke: I got this from Daily Silly.
"If
there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the
sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
Me: It was kind of a mean joke. I bet the teacher in real life would yell at the student and send him to the office for talking
back.
Sam: or maybe just maybe the teacher would realize that her own words gad
come back to her, and learn and work with the class on it "oh darn! i
was hoping no one would notice!"
i
remember teaching my first class to tell fellow classmates 'you are
being a silly twit' when they were acting out, to try and defuse it. one
day a student said it to me. i am proud to say i stopped, thought about
it, and admitted that yes, she was right, i WAS being a silly twit. he
and i were able to laugh about it.
Apr. 12 Hotel: Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a
convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a
75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to
hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have
to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights,
and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell
sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling
jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and
Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first,"
he said. "I left the room key in the car!"
Me: I'm sure all of you guys are groaning. But when I think about it, I think they should have gotten a refund on their room. I wouldn't walk 75 flights of stairs. That's like an 1hr of walking. I don't know, could be 30-45min. I would check into another hotel or maybe a motel 6 to sleep in.
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