"Picking pictures of yourself for online dating sites"/ "Success is in the profile details"

Feb. 14, 2022: I found this in my old physical news articles.  However, they are still relevant and helpful.

Aug. 17, 2015 "Picking pictures of yourself for online dating sites": Today I found this article by Yanan Wang in the Edmonton Journal:

When it comes to online dating, deciding how to present yourself may be more of a science than an art. One strike — such as a mirror shot or airbrushed selfie — and you’re out.

So we asked some online dating experts for help on making the best first impression. Follow these tips, and you might get more right swipes.

The ab shot has an expiration date: “The premium of the six pack decreases over time,” Ok-Cupid’s chief product officer Jimena Almendares says, citing research done by the dating site’s data scientists.

So if you’re an 18-year-old male with great pecs, don’t be shy about adding a shirtless photo to the mix: You’ll be twice as likely to be contacted than an 18-year-old who isn’t showing off his abs.

But that positive effect declines as you age, so a shirtless 40-year-old isn’t going to fly in most cases, no matter how ripped he is. And remember: The combination of ab shot-plus-mirror selfie never wins.

Skip the “Where’s Waldo?” photos: There are other ways to show you have a social life than including a photo of you with all your friends, especially if you look less attractive in comparison.

According to a study by the dating app Zoosk, having someone else in your photo decreases your chances of being contacted by 42 per cent.

If you must show yourself in a social setting, do it with a photo where your companions are cropped out. As online dating coach Erika Ettin puts it: “The more information you give, the more people assume. They will assume that the person you’re with is a current boyfriend or ex.”

Leave Fido out of the frame: Everybody loves animals, right? Not quite. The same Zoosk study found that furry buddies are even worse than human ones: Including a pet pic in your profile lowers your contact rate by 53 per cent.

Non-traditional animals might be even worse, as the folks of Tinder Guys with Tigers reveal.

You might think that you’re pretty special for having hung out with this wild feline, but if the blog is any indication, tiger guys are a dime a dozen.

Which brings us to our next point ...

Be interesting, but not too interesting: “The best photos are really ones where you are living your life,” says Laurie Davis, founder of the online dating consultancy eFlirt Expert.

Whether that’s skiing, cooking or public speaking, having at least one activity-driven photo is a must.

If that activity is going to Machu Picchu or seeing the Eiffel Tower, however, you might want to think again. Like the tigers, some travel destinations are so common among millennials that they’ve lost their glamour, making you only just as interesting as the next guy or gal. 

“Those are the cliché pictures because they’re so overdone,” said a 34-year old Washingtonian who has been online dating for eight years.

But it’s a tough line to walk, because, she added, a London telephone booth photo could prompt a match to say: “Oh, I’ve been there, too!”

What’s the difference? Well, think about how esthetically similar those Machu Picchu pictures are: Everyone who has been there has the same photo from the adventure.

While a shot that says London but doesn’t say “I’m exactly like everyone else” allows you to be well-travelled but not pretentious about it.

Be beautiful, but not too beautiful: According to Ok-Cupid, if users disagree about whether a woman is attractive — that is, if there are people who find her both beautiful and ugly at equal rates — it works in her favour. 

A woman who gets mixed attractiveness reviews on Ok-Cupid receives more messages than a woman who is generally considered to be attractive. Almendares says this is because “highly polarizing women” may be regarded as “diamonds in the rough.”

But since you can’t control whether your look is classic or controversial, there are other ways to apply the “beautiful, but not too beautiful” philosophy: 

Avoid selfies, because most people know they can distort a face to make it look more attractive than it truly is. None of these are hard and fast rules, of course.

Some daters would argue that you should just be yourself, even if that means putting your best duck-face forward.

Just don’t say we never warned you.

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Feb. 10, 2014 "Success is in the profile details": Today I found this article by Jodie Sinnema in the Edmonton Journal:

ONLINE ROMANCE STARTS WITH A WINNING PROFILE

The profiles are witty, quirky, lovable:

“I live by myself, I pay my own rent, I wear socks that match and I love my mom.”

“I am addicted to rock, ’cause I am a climber.”

“I sometimes ‘fast’ accidentally, because I forget to eat. Then I get real hungry. And I eat. A lot.”

Real men, talking about themselves through interesting online dating profiles. Radio Wright, a self described eDating Doctor in Miami, found and posted them to inspire wannabe lovers and teach them how to dish about themselves on dating sites.

But then the good went sideways. Thousands — yes, thousands — of other men copied and pasted those good profiles verbatim and passed themselves off as the self-deprecating, adventurous, masculine men so attractive on the interweb.

Women caught on and Wright got emails from the fraudsters, angry they weren’t getting dates.

That’s obviously not the way to sell yourself online, says Wright, who runs a dating academy and does one- on-one coaching to helps guys jazz up their dating profiles and find someone special.

“Copying profiles, even a profile you think is good, doesn’t pay off,” says Wright, 36, and a 10-year online-dating veteran. “It’s better just to be original. … There is no reason not to be yourself.”

Unless, of course, that true self is a shirtless dude taking an overexposed selfie in the bathroom mirror.

But what makes a perfect online profile? While there is no magic recipe — a profile that’s boring to one person might intrigue the next — experts in the burgeoning industry of eDating advice say there are some basics to consider.

Photos are huge — and post lots of them. Men, stay away from bathroom selfies, and ones capturing your bromance with your truck. Women, you’re among hundreds of pretties who post photos of yourselves petting tigers, so keep those private, Wright said. Same with the photo of you jumping in the air.

And the ones of you posing with five of your besties, whether male or female?

“If your friends look like a bunch of scrubs, you will be judged by who you associate with,” Wright said. Don’t get lost in a sea of other faces. And if you have to clarify that the lovely woman on your elbow is your cousin or sister? Maybe nix it.

Men should also take care about what’s in the background of their smiling faces: women will notice that Labatt light in the bar’s background or your 50-inch TV and decor choices, Wright says. Make sure those details align with your values.

Women certainly noticed the huge-ass sandwich Mike Drouillard was eating in one of his photos in Hawaii, and were intrigued. Drouillard is now married to one of the sandwich gawkers and together, they’ve launched the Vancouver-based business Perfect My Profile.

The message to that story? A photo of you shearing a sheep or eating haggis just might spark discussion. The generic “I like going for dinner with friends” becomes more interesting when you say, “I’m partial to spicy Thai food” or “I love hosting potlucks in my condo.” 

The more specific the detail, the easier it is for would-be suitors to break the ice.

“Bait someone with details,” says Sam Duggal, who offers online dating advice through his Edmonton company, Promotion Dating. “Online dating is competitive.”

Some women get 50 messages from men in one hour, Duggal said. Generic information, akin to the cheesy in-person pickup line, just might make the woman roll her eyes and gloss over you, he said.

But while the aim is to sell yourself online, Drouillard and Wright both caution people to not oversell themselves. Listing all your accomplishments — you cook organic every night, run 30 kilometres every weekend, volunteer with a soccer club and work as a lawyer, for example — can be overwhelming.

“It can come off as bragging,” Wright said.

“Some of our clients have had problems where they talk about themselves so much in that they seem kind of intimidating,” Drouillard said. “It’s an easy trap to fall into.” Finding a balance can come down to gut instinct.

“A lot of it comes down to writing style. It’s not what you’ve done per se, there’s no formula to that,” Drouillard said. “It’s having a good writing style that conveys the message of someone who’s serious but not desperate, approachable but not desperate and who’s doing something with their life but isn’t this A triple-plus overachiever that will have no time for you.”

Also be wary of being self-deprecating, since tone is key. “It often comes off as low self-esteem and low (self) value,” Wright said. And that’s not what you or others are likely to find attractive.

But while the profile matters, Wright says: “It is a small, ridiculous snapshot, really.”

Erinne Sevigny, 28, can vouch for that. The profile of Paul Adachi didn’t impress her.

“It didn’t stand out in any way,” Sevigny said. Even his photos were rather unflattering and the fact he was in car sales at the time — he became a massage therapist and Reiki practitioner — didn’t thrill her.

But Adachi liked what he saw in username Soleil31 (soleil means sun in French).

“She knew what she wanted,” Adachi, 27, said. Sevigny’s Plenty of Fish profile was simple but genuine, and included photos of her glacier climbing and with her Belgian Shepherd dog named Nyx. Her adventurous and strong-willed nature was obvious in the details: she lived and taught in France for one year. She had future business plans that didn’t involve a 9-to-5 desk job.

“The ones that stood out for me were the profiles that were written well,” Adachi said. “From my perspective, (the profile) could be the most important (thing) because it’s the first domino that initiated the rest of the process. 

If something doesn’t connect from there, nothing ends up happening.”

After the first date in June 2012 — drinks on Whyte Avenue during which Adachi only knew his date as “E,” then a kiss to end the evening — every other online feeler stopped, Sevigny says. “I knew by mid-August this is the guy.”

Her advice for anyone diving into the online dating world? 

No truck or bar photos, please. Keep it short, because no one has time for an epic. If you aren’t quirky, don’t be quirky, just straight you. And clean up the sentences.

“I wasn’t going to hate on a comma splice, but spelling errors were an issue,” Sevigny says.

Most importantly? Don’t try too hard.

“Put the profile up for yourself that you think is best — and maybe that’s with at on of pictures at the bar or of your truck — and you’ll attract the kind of person who suits you,” Sevigny says. 

“Whatever you put out there will have your energy in it and will attract those type of people.”

Trying hard, however, isn’t a crime if you want success, say those in the business of advising.

“It’s like helping somebody dress up, look their best, give their best online presentation of themselves,” says Drouillard to people who are concerned their profiles won’t reflect their true selves if someone else writes them.

“Not everyone is a writer. When you don’t communicate in a well-written way, it doesn’t mean you’re not a great person. 

It may just be that you need some assistance in putting on your best clothes, so to speak. … This is you. These are your interests. It’s fundamentally, in substance, you.”

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Feb. 14, 2022 My opinion: This stood out to me.  I have been listening to those self- development videos about your energy and who and what you attract.

"Energy flows where attention goes."

“Whatever you put out there will have your energy in it and will attract those type of people.”