"Attracted to someone already attached? Run the other way"/ "Go-getter finance guy sends email survey to women after dates"

Feb. 19, 2022: This is from my old physical news articles:

Apr. 17, 2012 "Attracted to someone already attached? Run the other way": Today I found this article by Josey Vogels in the Edmonton Journal:

Dear Dating Girl: What is it with me constantly being attracted to guys who are already in relationships or, worse, married? 

I don’t know if it’s because I can’t have them that I want them more 

or maybe I somehow think I can win them over and they’ll love me so much they’ll leave their partner for me (they never do, of course).

Or maybe I’ve got some weird issue with not wanting to be in a relationship so I go after guys who ultimately aren’t available and this keeps me safe from getting hurt.

Except I end up getting hurt. Clearly, I need help. Any advice? — Attached To Attached Guys

Dear Attached: Advice? Next time you’re attracted to a guy who is already in a relationship or married, run in the opposite direction.

I know, that may be easier said than done, but what other choice do you have? Keep going after attached guys and getting hurt and then twisting your brain into knots trying to figure out why you can’t keep away from the flame that keeps burning you?

Even if you could figure out why you do this (I suspect it’s some combination of the reasons you cite above along with some other lingering psychological baggage you’re carrying around just like the rest of us), it’s just not healthy to keep putting yourself through all this pain. 

Yes, there’s something to be said for learning from your mistakes, but I don’t necessarily think you learn more each time you make the same mistake. Instead, it just becomes harder to break the habit.

So go cold turkey. Give up the attached guys. And save the psychoanalysis for the doctor’s couch or a few evenings with some good girlfriends and a bottle of wine.

Dear Dating Girl: I am a single guy who will be 34 in three weeks. I am very lonely, but I am also shy and my dating life is non-existent. I have never gone out on date or had a girlfriend. 

I have had crushes but I never let them know because I’m afraid of getting rejected or having my heart broken. I’d prefer it if a woman approached me and let me know she was interested.

My biological clock is ticking and it pains me to see people younger than me falling in love, getting married and having kids. Why can’t that be me? — Lonely Boy

Dear Lonely: It pains me to hear a guy who is so clear about what he wants but so utterly unable to even attempt to go after it. 

Dating and relationships are like our work life; the only way you can get experience is to try different things, 

fail a bunch of times, 

figure out what you like and don’t like,

 and hope that eventually you end up in a job or career that is relatively satisfying.

If you have never even had a date, much less a girlfriend, how are you going to even get started on your relationship learning path? Rejection and getting your heart broken are how one learns “the ropes” when it comes to love.

We’d all love it if someone walked up to us and offered us a job, but most of us have to go out and look for work, and, yes, have job interviews, interact with bosses, coworkers, clients, etc. It’s how we gain experience. 

I’m not sure what you do for a living but maybe if you try and look at your relationship path the way you think about a career path, 

you’ll realize how futile it is to do nothing and expect something great to happen.

Josey Vogels is one of Canada’s leading sex and relationship experts. Send questions to letters@ joseyvogels.com

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My opinion: The first letter, I would agree with Josey's advice to either talk to a counselor or a dating coach.

The second letter, the guy should go to the online dating sites, speed dating events, Meetups, and ask friends to set him up.  He should also study dating by reading articles about dating and relationships.

May 16, 2012 "Go-getter finance guy sends email survey to women after dates": Today I found this article in the Metro:

We all remember ye olde tale of the online dater who organized his potential matches using a spreadsheet rankings of the women on a scale of 1 to 10.

Now, brace yourself for the latest star of the awkward dating techniques show. Meet Mike. Mike is a 24-year-old finance worker based in Philly who is just looking for a little feedback.

Unfortunately for him, his former dating partner seized the opportunity to humiliate him after she was sent a survey about her interaction with Mike once they agreed to stop seeing each other.

He struck me as a little socially inept hence why I was starting to doubt the ‘non-physical’ attraction,” she told Deadspin. He wasn’t too creepy, just the type of guy who overanalyzes every detail and feels completely awkward in the majority of social situations. It didn’t seem like he got out much.”

And that’s when Mike sent the survey …. in an email… with a subject line including a “Romeo & Juliet” passage. “Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow,” if you must know.

So what is that Mike wants to know? Basically, all of the questions everyone wonders after a date, but never ever asks because it would be super weird and socially inappropriate to do so. 

For example, “Mike is very masculine. At any point; did you feel he was compensating for anything?” Here’s another perfectly reasonable question: “Are you a feminist? – your answer is for informational purposes only.”

Also, in case she wanted to leave Mike any final thoughts, he included an area where she could “feel free to use the space below to draw Mike a picture.”

Go-getter finance guy sends email survey to women after dates - Metro US