Jul. 16, 2018 "Beating the Trump card: How to stand up to a bully in negotiations": Today I found this article by Harvey Schachter in the Globe and Mail. This is a really good article about bullying and negotiating to get what you want. There is psychology.
Negotiations, we are frequently told, must be win-win. But for Donald Trump, they are solely about him winning. The U.S. President is a classic, competitive negotiator with a brash New York flair.
Most Canadians dislike him, particularly given his threats and tantrums against us during NAFTA negotiations. We watched as he wildly attacked North Korea and then, turning from lion to lamb, negotiated a deal that seemed a piffle, certainly not a big win.
But let us set aside our feelings for a moment. Is there something we should be learning from him? Perhaps as importantly: How might we stand up to a Trump-like bully in our own negotiations?
Negotiation specialist Martin Latz extensively studied Mr. Trump’s record before becoming President, learning he consistently used the same strategies and tactics for nearly 50 years in the real estate and TV worlds:
- Bring to the table an instinctive win-lose mentality – he intends to win and you must therefore lose.
- Set extremely aggressive goals and passionately expect to succeed.
- Use over-the-top exaggeration.
- Offer carrots to satisfy his counterparts’ interest, as with North Korea, which fits with the “getting to yes” advice of Harvard negotiations experts Robert Fisher and William Ury.
- Bluff or walk when “enough is enough.”
- Threaten a lot.
- Business bullying, which is not just threats but actions – in his case, often legal.
- Identify aggressive standards, when he can, rather than objective criteria both parties can agree is correct to help settle negotiation issues.
- Make outrageous demands and moves.
- Overtly control the agenda with aggressive tactics.
“Some of these strategies and tactics have worked. Others have failed. But he believes all of these worked. Otherwise he wouldn’t keep using them,” Mr. Latz writes in his new book, The Real Trump Deal.
At the same time, he has not exhibited some of the skills associated with top negotiators.
And his ethics are even poorer; he repeatedly failed to demonstrate even a minimum level of ethics in his negotiations, Mr. Latz says, to the point people steered away from him in real estate deals.
That speaks to leverage, which he aggressively uses when he has it – any lever at his disposal. “Bullies pick on those less powerful than them. They rarely pick on bigger, more powerful foes,” Mr. Latz notes.
Mr. Latz’s own five Golden Rules for negotiations are tough-minded but not as one-sided as the President’s.
Information is power, so get it.
Maximize your leverage.
Employ “fair” objective criteria.
Design an offer-concession strategy, preparing for the dance ahead.
Control the agenda.
Information is power, so get it.
Maximize your leverage.
Employ “fair” objective criteria.
Design an offer-concession strategy, preparing for the dance ahead.
Control the agenda.
Those who kept away from Mr. Trump probably have the best strategy for handling a negotiation bully.
In Negotiating with a Bully, negotiations specialist Greg Williams warns against putting yourself in a position where you really need the business that will result from the negotiations with a bully.
“Don’t put yourself in a position where you really want the business.
Don’t have the mindset that if you don’t get the business the world ends,” he says.
Sometimes, a person who is not normally a bully can become one in negotiations. Mr. Williams suggests putting that on the table:
“Something has changed. You seem to be a little more aggressive. What is going on?”
Mr. Trump is a reminder that negotiation bullies exist. You may not want to be one,
or evacuate if you can, when you meet one.
Improve negotiations with an imaginary friend
Negotiation experts stress the importance of finding an attractive alternative, to increase your leverage.
Recent research reported on the Insead website suggests that can help you bargain, as you reap some of the benefits of the alternative.
But what if your alternative was an imaginary friend – an attractive option that you conjured up?
In one of the seven studies, for example, online participants were trying to sell a second-hand CD to a potential buyer and instructed to make a first offer.
One group was told that another buyer was offering US$8 for the CD, which gave them a strong alternative.
Another group lacked an alternative offer.
The third group also lacked an alternative but was instructed to imagine what it would feel like to have one,
what this alternative would look like
and how it would affect their upcoming negotiation.
One group was told that another buyer was offering US$8 for the CD, which gave them a strong alternative.
The third group also lacked an alternative but was instructed to imagine what it would feel like to have one,
what this alternative would look like
and how it would affect their upcoming negotiation.
The researchers – Michael Schaerer, a professor at Singapore Management University; Martin Schweinsberg, a professor at ESMT Berlin business school; and Robert Swaab, a professor at Insead – say “those who mentally simulated an alternative made a more ambitious first offer than those with no alternative.”
However, they also found there were times when mental simulation didn’t work.
First, they found the type of alternative you simulate matters.
When they asked negotiators to imagine an unattractive alternative rather than an attractive one, the performance was much worse because the unattractive alternative lowered their aspirations.
Second, the benefits of mental simulation didn’t come when the participants did not make their first offer (or the other party also used mental simulation).
Finally, mental simulation backfired when the negotiators’ bottom lines were not overlapping and so positions were extremely difficult to reconcile.
In fact, the ambitious offers from mental simulation made negotiators less likely to declare an impasse.
When they asked negotiators to imagine an unattractive alternative rather than an attractive one, the performance was much worse because the unattractive alternative lowered their aspirations.
Second, the benefits of mental simulation didn’t come when the participants did not make their first offer (or the other party also used mental simulation).
Finally, mental simulation backfired when the negotiators’ bottom lines were not overlapping and so positions were extremely difficult to reconcile.
In fact, the ambitious offers from mental simulation made negotiators less likely to declare an impasse.
Meeting behaviour: Ground rules for you to follow
Here are 11 ground rules for proper behaviour in meetings, from C. Elliot Haverlack’s book, Unbundle It:
- Arrive on time.
- Be respectful of other attendees.
- No phones or computers if at all possible.
- No leaving the meeting or getting up to walk around until scheduled breaks.
- No eating unless during working meal meetings. Consuming beverages is acceptable when appropriate.
- No side conversations.
- Good posture.
- Listen intently (even if you don’t want to).
- Ask questions at the appropriate time.
- No filibustering.
- Take notes.
Where can you improve?
Quick hits
- Neurosurgeon Mark McLaughlin has a personal file system labelled for each day of the month and every time something pops up that’s not urgent it gets consigned to that file. First thing every morning, after meditating, he checks that day’s task, which, for example, might be to write a thank-you note.
- Entrepreneur Seth Godin says it’s essential that we differentiate between things that remind us of fear and those that are actually risky.
- The most valuable activities are inconvenient, fraught with the fear of failure and apparently un-do-able, but we should allocate our time to them.
- Protect your high-energy times if you want to be successful, says Sallie Krawcheck, founder and CEO of Ellevest, an investing platform for women.
- Psychologist Carol Dweck’s ground-breaking insights on fixed and growth mindsets also applies to following your career passion, new research suggests. It will be helpful if you are open to new ideas beyond your typical interests to find a passion you might be effective at rather than limited yourself to existing areas.
- Don’t make solo decisions involving people, warns leadership blogger Ron Edmondson.
Trump haters everywhere . Leftist Socialists everywhere ! Say NO to Nato - no need for it . Let Germany defend itself … The USA is finished paying the worlds bills !
Trump is out to hit the world, which unfortunately for him, includes USA. The rest of the world has to unite and boycott USA .
Knuckling under to a bully just invites more bullying. Canada must stand up to Trump’s shameful tactics, but thankfully we are not alone.
We have many other nations, also being bullied by Trump, who stand united against a man immune to facts or reason.
Canadian consumers are also helping in these very trying times, by buying Canadian and avoiding travel to the United States until the bullying tactics stop.
We have many other nations, also being bullied by Trump, who stand united against a man immune to facts or reason.
Canadian consumers are also helping in these very trying times, by buying Canadian and avoiding travel to the United States until the bullying tactics stop.
Most of the 'quick hits' had nothing to do with the headline?? An old article repurposed with a Trumpian headline?
So the point is, if you have leverage use it but be prepared when using it to be called a bully.
Point 2. Would being nice to the bully to their face & then going on TV after they leave to call them out be a fail? Could it affect your negotiations negatively? If they had 22 Tv's on their plane would they see it?
Aug. 4, 2019 "Hubris can be the downfall of leaders": Today I found by Harvey Schachter in the Globe and Mail:
Leaders need confidence. Too much confidence, however, can lead to problems. Indeed, there’s probably a continuum we can trace, from confidence through egotism and arrogance to hubris. Somewhere along that continuum, leaders can fail.
David Dotlich and Peter Cairo listed 11 derailers for managers in their book Why CEOs Fail, with arrogance topping the list. Leaders must be confident, but if you have a blinding belief in your own opinions – you’re always right and everybody else is wrong – arrogance could lead to your fall. Studies at various universities have backed this point.
Perhaps the continuum is even longer, starting from lack of self-esteem and running through to hubris. People with poor self-esteem can overcompensate, to the point where they seem arrogant.
It’s hard to place ourselves accurately on this continuum. But as a leader, you must. I have wrestled with it. It’s difficult to tell because to reach a leadership position, you have usually developed knowledge, confidence in your abilities and an ability to nudge ahead ideas.
When is that okay? When is it not?
When is that okay? When is it not?
You need to guard against hubris in others as well. “If an organization has just one or two people whose power has gone to their head, it can demoralize subordinates, cause valuable talent to flee, disempower teams, and lead to foolhardy strategies.
Whether you are a board member, a CEO, a senior executive, a high-potential employee on the rise, or an HR leader concerned about culture, you need to understand how such hubris works so you can head off its destructive effects on careers and on your company,”
Jonathan Mackey, the managing partner in Heidrick & Struggles’s Toronto office, and Sharon Toye, of the London office, wrote earlier this year in strategy+business magazine.
Hubris is particularly risky in chief executives. A 2013 study of a representative sample of Fortune 500 CEOs over a six-year period found that overconfident ones tend to make risky decisions about mergers and acquisitions. And we know Jim Collins found the best CEOs in his Good to Great study were humble (but determined).
The two consultants note that overweening self-confidence can be surprisingly hard to detect, at least initially. But it’s an acquired trait, not a deeply rooted personality disorder. “It comes on gradually, growing as a leader’s power grows – and it can be managed and even nipped in the bud,” they urge.
The cause can simply be rising through the ranks. Promotions breed confidence – and potentially, arrogance. Recognize expressions of hubris in yourself and your colleagues, including:
- Blaming others or forces beyond your control when things go wrong;
- Micromanaging, since only you can do it right;
- Failing to seek feedback or discounting the feedback you get;
- Viewing disagreement as a personal slight;
- Flouting rules because you don’t believe the rules apply to you;
- Indulging in frequent self-glorification;
- Treating colleagues or customers arrogantly;
- Violating company values.
The two consultants recommend building a culture that reduces the possibility of hubris.
collegiality,
diversity of thought
and other values that run counter to hubris.
Establish mechanisms for speaking truth to power.
Admit to doubt in decision-making.
The notion of a growth mindset – being open to learning – has been celebrated since psychologist Carol Dweck popularized it in her 2006 book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Your arrogance or hubris can stunt your all-important growth.
Jul. 17, 2020 My opinion: I'm reading Carol Dweck's book right now. Her book was mentioned in the 1st article of this post.
Consultant Steve Keating stresses that no one can be right all the time. “As a leader it is imperative that you never forget what it feels like to be wrong. When you lose that feeling it can lead to sloppy decision-making,” he writes on his blog.
Trainer Dan Rockwell recommends on his blog pushing back against hubris by exploring “disconfirming feedback,"
writing a thank-you note to someone who contributed to your success,
listing three positive qualities of each team member in a meeting,
letting those team members talk
and confining yourself to questions and asking yourself, “What if they are right?”
He also urges you to monitor your use of “I” and “me.”
“Think of humility as a practice,” he says. Think of arrogance and hubris as a trap, I’d add, that is more likely to strike as you attain greater leadership positions. It can sneak up on you and hurt you badly.
Cannonballs
- Are you addicted to power? Manfred Kets de Vries, a professor at INSEAD, says you might be if you answer yes to the following questions.
- Do you like telling people what to do?
- Do you define yourself very much by your title and net worth?
- Do you always need to win?
- Do you enjoy the special treatment that comes with your position?
- Do you like to impress people?
- New research shows that celebrity CEOs have poor performance in the long run because they tend to be cast into one of four archetypes – creator, transformer, rebel or saviour – and then try to live up to that billing, consequently with poor decision-making.
- Some successful leaders lack humility. To explore when humble leadership works and when it doesn’t, researchers studied IT teams in China and found that when teams expected egalitarianism, having a humble leader increased knowledge and information-sharing and helped teams be more creative.
- But on teams where members expected leaders to be dominant and powerful, humble leaders were met with doubt and team members felt unsafe to speak up and take risks. Their recommendation: Match your level of humility to what team members expect.
Sept. 17, 2020 "A former model has accused Trump of groping and forcibly kissing her in his private box at the 1997 US Open":
A former model has accused President Donald Trump of sexually assaulting her inside his private box at the US Open tennis tournament in 1997.
Amy Dorris told The Guardian that Trump grabbed her after she left a bathroom, touched her, stuck his tongue down her throat, and gripped her so she could not escape.
Lawyers for Trump strongly contested the claim and suggested it could be politically motivated.
The Guardian reported that friends, family members, and a therapist said Dorris described a similar experience to them previously. Photos show her with Trump that weekend.
More than two dozen women have publicly accused Trump of sexual misconduct.
Another woman has accused President Donald Trump of sexual misconduct, saying he assaulted her in his VIP box at the US Open tennis tournament in 1997.
Amy Dorris, a former model, told The Guardian in an interview published Thursday that Trump stuck his tongue down her throat, touched her all over, and held her so tightly that she could not escape.
Lawyers for Trump strongly denied the allegations, suggesting they were implausible and politically motivated.
Dorris told The Guardian: "He just shoved his tongue down my throat and I was pushing him off. And then that's when his grip became tighter and his hands were very gropey and all over my butt, my breasts, my back, everything.
"I was in his grip, and I couldn't get out of it," she said, adding: "I don't know what you call that when you're sticking your tongue just down someone's throat. But I pushed it out with my teeth. I was pushing it. And I think I might have hurt his tongue."
Dorris said Trump assaulted her outside a bathroom in his VIP box at the tournament on September 5, 1997. She was 24 at the time and is now 48.
A corroborated account
She also provided The Guardian with photos showing her with Trump at the time. The Guardian said her account was corroborated by other people, including her mother and a friend who she reportedly told immediately afterward.
Trump, through his lawyers, denied in what The Guardian described as "the strongest possible terms" having "ever harassed, abused, or behaved improperly toward Dorris."
The lawyers suggested there would have been witnesses had such an event taken place outside the VIP box bathroom.
Dorris showed The Guardian six photographs of her with Trump over several days in New York as well as her ticket to the US Open.
She said she spent multiple days in New York with Trump that year with her then-boyfriend, Jason Binn, who was friends with Trump.
Of her timing, Dorris said: "I'm tired of being quiet. It's kind of cathartic. I just want to get this out. And I want people to know that this is the man, this is our president. This is the kind of thing he does and it's unacceptable."https://ca.yahoo.com/news/former-model-accused-trump-groping-113958846.html
My opinion: Do you still want to vote for Donald Trump? You should vote for Joe Biden.
Sept. 6, 2020 Post Secret:
This week's theme is about bullying in the workplace:
"The six types of 'mean men' you meet at work"/ "The gender pay gap and Harvey Weinstein"
"A loss of civility goes straight to the bottom line"/ "My boss harasses me, but his wife heads HR"
My week:
Sept. 11, 2020 "Kielburgers 'devastated' by We Charity closure but say 'there's no one to blame'":
TORONTO -- WE Charity is selling off its assets, eliminating staff and winding down operations in Canada months after becoming embroiled in a political scandal that has triggered investigations by the federal ethics watchdog.
The charity announced Wednesday that, due to financial pressure and loss of sponsors, it plans to sell off tens of millions of dollars’ worth of assets, including real estate in Toronto, in hopes of keeping its international humanitarian programs afloat.
Co-founder Craig Kielburger, who started the charity when he was 12 years old, said he’s devastated by the decision and admitted he never expected the political firestorm after WE Charity accepted a now-cancelled deal to deliver a student grants program for the Liberal government.
The contract for up to $43.5 million faced intense scrutiny after it was revealed that the families of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and former finance minister Bill Morneau both had ties to the charity.
My opinion: I'm kind of sad that this charity ended. However, Marc and Craig Kielburger could get jobs at other charities to work at. Here are some other good charities to donate to:
Unicef:
Women for Women International:
Food Banks Canada:
Sept. 12, 2020 West Ed mall: I Facebook message my friend Cham so I can give her some free samples that she can pick up. She then came by and said that she and a friend Rochelle are going to West Ed mall, so I decided to come along. I haven't really went out for fun in a long time. I went to an appointment last month.
First they went and had lunch.
1. Microsoft Store closed down.
2. The Loft store close down.
Does anyone remember the news that the store was closing down?
3. Miniso- this Japanese store sold a lot of We Bare Bears and Marvel products.
4. Uniqlo- this Japanese store was average.
5. Co Co (Bubble tea)- R was nice and bought us drinks. I declined at first. I went with the chocolate milk tea with pearls. It tasted like chocolate milk or Ovaltine with milk. I wouldn't buy this. I thought it would be thicker like a smoothie. I will say it was filling.
Sept. 14, 2020 "David'sTea only reopening 18 stores as it shuts down 166 Canadian locations":
TORONTO -- Canadian retailer DavidsTea is closing the vast majority of its stores in Canada and all of its U.S. locations following months of financial troubles and a renewed focus on online shopping.
Only 18 DavidsTea locations in Canada will reopen as 166 stores permanently shut their doors. In the U.S., all 42 locations will be shuttered.
My opinion: The one in West Ed mall is open.
"Retailer behind Garage, Dynamite latest company hit by pandemic":
TORONTO -- Montreal-based Groupe Dynamite, Inc. filed for creditor protection this week under the Companies’ Creditors Arrangement Act (CCAA) and will restructure its business, becoming the latest retailer crippled by the economic fallout of the pandemic.
The company behind the Garage and Dynamite store brands said COVID-19 caused an “unsustainable strain” on the business, which includes more than 300 North American stores -- 85 of them located in the United States. It said it was also filing for Chapter 15 bankruptcy in the U.S. The company indicated it would close some stores, but did not specify how many.
The Sinner: I recorded this show on my DVR when I had free preview of Showcase. The show has 8 episodes each season.
Season 1: I saw the last 2 eps.
Season 2: I saw the last 4 eps.
I then watched the first 6 eps of season 1 this week on Netflix.
I had watched the first 4 eps of season 2 at my friend Cham's place because she has Netflix.
Both seasons are very well-written and acted. I kind of like season 1 more. There are twists and surprises on both seasons. If you like mystery/ crime drama, then you should check out the pilot.
Sept. 15, 2020 You: Today I finally saw the pilot. I thought this was average. I don't know if I will continue watching this.
"A dangerously charming, intensely obsessive young man goes to extreme measures to insert himself into the lives of those he is transfixed by."
"Vanessa Helsing, distant relative of famous vampire hunter Abraham Van Helsing, is resurrected only to find that vampires have taken over the world."
"Vampire death dealer, Selene (Kate Beckinsale) fights to end the eternal war between the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her."
Sept. 17, 2020 Daredevil: I finally saw the pilot. It was created by Drew Goddard and he wrote for Buffy, Angel, and Alias. The pilot was good. The fight scenes were good. The show was dark. I don't know if I will watch more than the pilot.
I have watched all of Arrow (7 seasons). I watched the pilots to:
1. The Flash
2. DC's Legends of Tomorrow
3. Supergirl
There's more.
No fall TV season: Due to COVID-19, there really aren't any new shows airing. I did see on my DVR that there will be a new season of The Simpsons airing. By getting Netflix, I created my own fall TV season.
"Money can buy happiness, if you spend it on the right things": I may have heard this or I may have thought this on my own. I could have bought a bus pass and went out all around town and shopping (mainly browsing).
Or I could spend money on Netflix and be entertained by TV and movies.
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