Dec. 6, 2017 "Women divided by sexual misconduct's reckoning": Today I found this article by Nellie Bowles in the Globe and Mail. It was a short version. I found the full version from the New York Times website:
SAN FRANCISCO — In Boston, the leader of a businesswomen’s group said that some women were so angry about the wave of sexual harassment revelations that they no longer wanted to hire more men. In Kansas City, Mo., a women’s career center is urging women not to throw caution to the wind when making public allegations involving harassment.
And in Silicon Valley, one of the best-known female executives in the technology industry is celebrating the moment while advising that accusations must be followed by a fair process of punishment.
And in Silicon Valley, one of the best-known female executives in the technology industry is celebrating the moment while advising that accusations must be followed by a fair process of punishment.
The diversity of perspectives reflects an evolving debate over harassment among women across the country. In interviews with The New York Times, most women agreed that a reckoning for the sexual misdeeds of men in the workplace was a long time coming. But ask the question “What do we do about it?” and the answer has become as wide ranging, nuanced and intensely personal as the offenses themselves.
“We need to make sure the people accused believe there’s due process,” Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s chief operating officer and one of the most prominent female executives in Silicon Valley, said in an interview. “There will be claims that aren’t true, and if people feel there’s going to be no process for vetting, that’s where the backlash against women comes.”
But, Ms. Sandberg added, the opportunity to address what women commonly face cannot be allowed to slip away. Sexual harassment “has always been about power,” she said. “We cannot have a rash of people coming out and people getting fired and then back to business as usual.”
For many women, the revelations around high-profile predation by men like Harvey Weinstein began as a black-and-white issue that deserved zero tolerance. Yet as the movement has flowed into workplaces around the country and grown into a broader conversation about men’s behavior, it is getting more complicated. Women’s debates about sexual harassment are splitting.
Some women caution that men need to be encouraged to join the conversation; others argue that men will change only if women collectively demand it.
Some argue that making accusations on social media could become more dangerous for accusers, potentially exposing them to lawsuits; others see airing such accusations online as the only option.
Older women said they were stunned at how little tolerance those just graduating from college had for toxic gender dynamics that had long been considered pretty normal; college students asked why women had tolerated sexual harassment for so long.
Some argue that making accusations on social media could become more dangerous for accusers, potentially exposing them to lawsuits; others see airing such accusations online as the only option.
Older women said they were stunned at how little tolerance those just graduating from college had for toxic gender dynamics that had long been considered pretty normal; college students asked why women had tolerated sexual harassment for so long.
Most of all, many women are wrestling with how this reckoning will work in practice: Who is the judge, who is the jury and what evidence is admissible.
Sherry Turner, a women’s career counselor in Kansas City, said that she was thrilled by the movement but that there needed to be different punishments for different kinds of misconduct — from “somebody makes a bad joke versus someone being physical.” She said that nuance needed to be brought into the conversation.
A career center she founded, OneKC for Women, now plans to host a session in mid-December, called “What Women Want From Men in the Workplace,” to push the conversation toward men’s taking responsibility. The program had to be capped at 300 people, something that had never happened in the organization’s eight-year history. There is now a waiting list.
Ms. Turner said she also worried about her clients being swept up in the national rage — confronting bosses and co-workers — without a safety net. “I have to counsel them the right way to ensure they’re not flying off the handle,” she said. “For many of the clients we work with, there’s also a reality of needing income.”
The debate over what to do after outing a harasser on social media is just beginning, said Gloria Allred, the long time women’s rights lawyer, who has clients dealing with the ramifications of social media justice.
“In the court of public opinion, people can say whatever they want, and sometimes they don’t think and just hit the send button. And then they contact me and say, ‘What do I do?’” Ms. Allred said. “It’s all bets are off right now.”
Some women now worry that if men get too scared by the fallout from harassment revelations, they will be less likely to change. Rania Anderson, 56, an executive coach in Kansas City who will be the speaker at the OneKC for Women event, said it was important to add a positive spin and bring men into the conversation about what comes next for them.
“We also have to speak out about the good things men do,” she said.
Others argue that men will not join the movement willingly, so that shouldn’t be the focus.
“Men always think it’s too radical when women say, ‘You’re not in charge of me,’” said Sara Miles, 65, a faith-based community organizer in San Francisco. “This doesn’t end because men decide, ‘We’re going to behave better.’ It ends because women stop being afraid.”
Tiffany O’Donnell, 48, the chief executive of a professional women’s network in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, said the wave of scandals might be causing some men to be too careful around women and overly focused on little issues. One man, she said, recently apologized after calling her and a group of her friends “guys.”
“If that’s how this is going to go, if that’s the new line, we’re going to have a problem,” Ms. O’Donnell said.
And Kristina Tsipouras, 32, an entrepreneur who leads a 12,500-member Boston businesswomen’s group, said she had heard that some women said they might no longer hire men, which was “probably not the right approach.”
For Arianna Huffington, the founder of HuffPost and the wellness business Thrive Global, the blurring of the lines around sexual harassment hit home last month. That was when a photo shoot from 2000 featuring her with Senator Al Franken, who recently apologized for groping women, went viral as an example of his harassment, even though both parties agreed the images were meant to be funny.
Ms. Huffington said she celebrated the movement of speaking out, but also called for nuance in the judgments. “Failing to make distinctions between real instances of harassment and satirical playacting trivializes the pain and anguish of so many women who are actually being harassed,” she said.
Generational differences have also emerged in women’s discussions about harassment. Karen Hodson, 38, a vice president at an email marketing firm in Nashville, said she had noticed how women who had just graduated from college were appalled by the harassment that older women considered normal.
“That generation is coddled, and everything’s been handed to them, so they go into the real world and they’re surprised this is what we’ve all been dealing with,” Ms. Hodson said. “Welcome. It’s a battle.”
Pallavi Chadha, a 21-year-old student at the University of California, Berkeley, said that she had grown up “in a bubble” and that many young women she knew, convinced that the gender wars had ended years ago, did not identify as feminists.
“It wasn’t until recently that I realized how much sexism there was still and that I had already experienced it,” she said. “It’s not something I’m going to turn a blind eye to.”
Even amid all these debates, many women said the revelations about sexual harassment had not gone far enough. Ijeoma Opara, 51, a lawyer in Houston, said the top concern of a women’s group at her Catholic church was whether the movement would run out of steam before all the guilty men had been identified.
“My only worry is that some may get away with it, just because it’s coming out too late in the game,” she said.
In Fayetteville, N.C., Sylvia Ray, 76, said that for the last two months, her women’s group at church had also been dominated by a desire to see more harassers outed. She said the dozen women who meet each week were galvanized by President Trump, who previously bragged about grabbing women by their genital area.
“Having a man like Trump be so disrespectful of women, it pulled a scab off some ugliness in this country,” said Ms. Ray, who founded the local Center for Economic Empowerment and Development. “We’ve just had enough. Haven’t you had enough?”
Dec. 18, 2017 "Is corporate Canada really the last to know?": Today I found this article by Martha Hall Findlay in the Globe and Mail:
Martha Hall Findlay is president and CEO of the Canada West Foundation.
It's not just Harvey Weinstein, it's not just the entertainment business – it's in business everywhere. It's about power and sex and intimidation. And it needs to stop.
The first step is admitting there's a problem. Unfortunately, Corporate Canada doesn't want to go there.
More than nine in 10 Canadian corporate leaders say sexual harassment isn't a problem at their company. Are they kidding? (Of note, 95 per cent of the 153 Canadian executives interviewed for the most recent C-Suite survey were men.)
This level of ignorance is astounding. Apparently our corporate leaders are truly just unaware (shameful); willfully blind (and therefore complicit); or are aggressors themselves.
They clearly haven't bothered to ask their own staff about the issue. Three separate surveys of Canadian workers this year have found sexual harassment to be rampant in Canadian workplaces.
They clearly haven't bothered to ask their own staff about the issue. Three separate surveys of Canadian workers this year have found sexual harassment to be rampant in Canadian workplaces.
Surveys such as these illustrate what many Canadians – especially women – already know: sexism and sexual harassment are a problem in workplaces across the country.
I know this is true. I know many women who have endured it – and I also know because it has happened to me.
Let me say this before I go on – I have no regrets. Indeed, I am the person I am because of the combination of both the challenges I have had to deal with and the opportunities that I have been lucky enough to have. This is not a whine. This is just a description of a reality that others shouldn't have to deal with.
What happened to me is something I have never before made public. The difference now is partly that there's some safety in the numbers of people coming forward – but mostly it's because I no longer need the jobs I needed then. Many, many others still can't speak out.
I didn't encounter this problem until I was in my 30s. As a teenager, I had the good fortune of working on a construction site where the guys (I was the only female) treated me more with curiosity than anything, but were happy to teach a kid who was keen to learn the trades.
Later, as a law school graduate, I was lucky to be hired by a law firm that was very diverse – in terms of race, culture and gender – and I never felt that my being a woman would be a barrier to fulfilling any career aspirations.
Later, as a law school graduate, I was lucky to be hired by a law firm that was very diverse – in terms of race, culture and gender – and I never felt that my being a woman would be a barrier to fulfilling any career aspirations.
Unfortunately, I found myself being intolerant, critical even, of women who spoke of problems elsewhere. They were too sensitive, I thought; they needed to thicken their skins; they needed to know how to take a joke. After all, things were fine for me. Little did I know what was really happening out there.
Later in my career, I came to understand all too well.
I remember the day I met a new boss and was left physically shaken. He'd given me the once over – that gaze, from head to toe, appraising my appearance. I felt like a horse. Was he going to check my teeth, too? All this before he had even stood up from behind his desk to shake hands.
Shortly thereafter, this new boss walked by my office and slowed down, noticing that my administrative assistant was male. When he came back, I had moved to the admin desk to do something with the computer, while my assistant had moved into my office and was putting away books behind my desk.
In a voice loud enough for many colleagues to hear, the just-arrived new senior executive bellowed, "Now THIS is how it's supposed to be!"
This was humiliating for both me and my assistant, but, ultimately, not so serious – it was a 'get over it' moment.
However, within six months of his arrival, the three most senior women in the company, myself included, had departed. We left quietly. No one made any complaint. It was just clear we would have no future there. We were all good at our jobs – it was the company's loss as well as ours.
Later in my career, I joined an organization where (impressively, I thought) a number of the executive team were women. They seemed happy with their jobs, the company and the boss. Satisfied on that score, and the potential pay opportunities, I took the job.
I was offered two alternatives – a significant salary, with a small bonus, or a smaller salary but a much bigger bonus potential based on performance. Until then I had always performed well, and confidently chose the latter.
I was offered two alternatives – a significant salary, with a small bonus, or a smaller salary but a much bigger bonus potential based on performance. Until then I had always performed well, and confidently chose the latter.
Not long into my tenure, the boss made a pass at me. Then another. Then another.
I refused the several advances, and I worked hard. Yet after earning my full bonus, according to our agreed-upon criteria, he simply didn't pay it to me. None of it.
I was devastated – and with three kids at home, a lot poorer than I should have been. I could easily have taken him to court and won. But I did not say anything. I did not complain. I was afraid of the potential repercussions, being labelled in the business community as a whiner and limiting my chances of getting hired anywhere else.
I was devastated – and with three kids at home, a lot poorer than I should have been. I could easily have taken him to court and won. But I did not say anything. I did not complain. I was afraid of the potential repercussions, being labelled in the business community as a whiner and limiting my chances of getting hired anywhere else.
Like so many other business women who encounter this kind of thing, I just left, quietly, to start my own company. At least there I was able to succeed on my own merits. And at least I, unlike so many others, had the choice.
The glass ceiling is not just about discrimination; it's also about being denied success if you don't play the "power-sex game." That's one of the reasons we're seeing an increased number of women starting their own businesses.
The humiliations and career barriers tied to acquiescing to sex – or not – are so frustratingly common in the corporate environment that a lot of women simply go it alone, or if they can't, suffer in silence. But who wins?
The humiliations and career barriers tied to acquiescing to sex – or not – are so frustratingly common in the corporate environment that a lot of women simply go it alone, or if they can't, suffer in silence. But who wins?
For all those reading this who want their businesses to succeed: Don't wait for people to go through this kind of thing and leave your company. Despite the increased willingness of victims to speak up, far many more never will.
What can Canadian business leaders do? First and foremost, do not rely on those suffering from the problem to complain. It should be obvious by now that this is very difficult.
Ask your staff about these issues.
Hire someone from outside to conduct a staff survey to ensure that the responses are open and honest.
Once you have those survey results, do something about it. Don't expect the victims to do your work.
Establish a culture that makes it clear that power-sex behaviour will be cause for immediate termination. Put it in your HR policies and employment contracts. Make it zero-tolerance.
Ask your staff about these issues.
Hire someone from outside to conduct a staff survey to ensure that the responses are open and honest.
Once you have those survey results, do something about it. Don't expect the victims to do your work.
Establish a culture that makes it clear that power-sex behaviour will be cause for immediate termination. Put it in your HR policies and employment contracts. Make it zero-tolerance.
If any chief executive is reluctant to do so – because nine out of 10 apparently don't think it's a problem – the board of directors should insist.
We have to get to a place where corporate culture vilifies the villains, not the victims.
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/rob-commentary/corporate-canada-really-the-last-to-know/article37360322/
This week's theme is job articles about sexual harassment in the workplace:
http://badcb.blogspot.com/2020/07/when-hr-is-part-of-problem-metoo-moves.html
http://badcb.blogspot.com/2020/07/what-counts-as-workplace-harassment-in.html
Jul. 11, 2020 Trafficking Hub petition: This is disturbing and you may be offended reading the whole article. Please sign the petition:
https://traffickinghubpetition.com/?fbclid=IwAR2cqeJYN_zJRUxkhwiJZHRIONw53yv14brk5YE4vadEeDR-ytA9ctB5eGY
My opinion: Porn should be:
1. Everybody involved has to be at least 18 yrs old.
2. This has to be consensual. You can create a contract and put it in writing.
To the Executives and abusers: You guys should all be ashamed of yourselves.
Frank and Oak closing some stores: I was reading the Financial Post online and learned about stores closing:
Canadian clothing retailer Frank And Oak is looking for potential buyers or investors as part of a plan to restructure its business after filing for protection under Canada’s Bankruptcy and Insolvency Act in June.
Frank And Oak, which operates 20 stores across Canada, is looking to potentially close 17 locations. The reduction would leave Frank And Oak with one brick-and-mortar store in Ontario and two in Quebec.
https://betakit.com/frank-and-oak-set-to-close-stores-look-for-buyer-or-financing-as-existing-investors-unwilling-to-back/
Lucky Brand closing 13 stores: All the stores closing are in the US.
Here is an excerpt:
Tracy and S's argument at Wal-Mart: This reminds me of a flashback when I was 13 and S was 15 so around 1998/ 1999. I typed it up in a email to my friend Angela in 2007. By then I and Angela was 20 yrs old. Also Angela and S met each other once when Angela came over to my house in 2006, and she had dinner. So they got to know each other and got along.
I wrote this argument in script format with action and dialogue, and no comments. I wanted to make sure there was no bias.
I then asked Angela: Who is wrong or more wrong here? Me or my sister? It's totally fine if you side with my sister, I would not be hurt or offended.
Angela: In this case, your sister (is more wrong). However, it sounds more like 2 immature siblings arguing.
My opinion: I was not hurt and offended that she said I was immature. I did ask: "Who is wrong or more wrong here?" because I admitted I was wrong.
I was mentally and emotionally prepared for Angela to side with S and say: "You were more wrong because you were trying to get S angry."
Jul. 16, 2020: I may be projecting here, but the 17 yr old daughter and 25 yr old girlfriend in the Reddit article seemed like 2 siblings arguing.
I emailed Angela to ask for her permission to put her name and comment to this. It's been 2 days and she hasn't replied. I assume she won't have a problem because she didn't say anything bad and offensive.
If she has a problem, I will edit her name out.
https://www.amazon.ca/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322
This week's theme is job articles about sexual harassment in the workplace:
"When HR is part of the problem"/ "#MeToo moves the conversation into executive suites"
http://badcb.blogspot.com/2020/07/when-hr-is-part-of-problem-metoo-moves.html
"What counts as workplace harassment in Canada?"/ "How should we respond to sexual misconduct?"
My week:
Jul. 11, 2020 Trafficking Hub petition: This is disturbing and you may be offended reading the whole article. Please sign the petition:
Shut Down Pornhub and Hold Its Executives Accountable for Aiding Trafficking:
In the last few months, there have been several shocking cases of sex trafficking and child rape films that were hosted on Pornhub. A 15-year-old girl who had been missing for a year was finally found after her mother was tipped off that her daughter was being featured in videos on the site — 58 such videos of her rape and sexual abuse were discovered on Pornhub.
https://traffickinghubpetition.com/?fbclid=IwAR2cqeJYN_zJRUxkhwiJZHRIONw53yv14brk5YE4vadEeDR-ytA9ctB5eGY
My opinion: Porn should be:
1. Everybody involved has to be at least 18 yrs old.
2. This has to be consensual. You can create a contract and put it in writing.
To the Executives and abusers: You guys should all be ashamed of yourselves.
Frank and Oak closing some stores: I was reading the Financial Post online and learned about stores closing:
Canadian clothing retailer Frank And Oak is looking for potential buyers or investors as part of a plan to restructure its business after filing for protection under Canada’s Bankruptcy and Insolvency Act in June.
Frank And Oak, which operates 20 stores across Canada, is looking to potentially close 17 locations. The reduction would leave Frank And Oak with one brick-and-mortar store in Ontario and two in Quebec.
Lucky Brand closing 13 stores: All the stores closing are in the US.
Jul. 15, 2020 "Man sparks debate after breaking up with girlfriend over her ‘influencer’ career: ‘Get a day job’": I found this on Yahoo. This is from Reddit’s AITA [Am I The A******] forum seems like "Who is wrong here?" I have and I'm sure a lot of people have been in situations where it's kind of grey.
Here's the Cole's notes version. A man has a 17 yr old daughter and he's dating a 25 yr old woman. They all get along.
However his 25 yr old girlfriend seems kind of jealous of his 17 yr old daughter because she's making a lot of money off Instagram, and she isn't.
That largely amicable relationship changed one day though, when the man’s girlfriend asked him if he still planned to pay for his daughter’s tuition. According to the Redditor’s post, his daughter has now made enough through modeling to pay for her own tuition.
“Technically [my daugther] made enough to pay for college but I intend to pay for her education and she can use that money for her future,” the dad wrote. “This upset my girlfriend for some reason and she was whining about how no one paid for her school and she has so much debt and she needs her Instagram career to take off.”
That argument spiraled out of control, with the daughter and the girlfriend swapping some frustrated insults.
“My daughter said, ‘Maybe you should get a day job,’ which maybe was a little b****y but she’s not wrong,” the man wrote. “And my girlfriend said, ‘Maybe you should get some real parents.'”
The man said he “just saw red” after that, and immediately kicked out his girlfriend. They broke up shortly afterward.
My opinion: The Girlfriend saying "Maybe you should get some real parents" is a straight up diss to the Dad/ Boyfriend saying he is not a real or good parent. I know the Girlfriend is dissing the Daughter, but she did diss the Dad/ Boyfriend.
This is from the Dad's point of view, so it could be bias and through his lens. Even if the Girlfriend is jealous of the Dad paying for his Daughter's college tuition, and no one paid for her tuition, she has to deal with it.
This is the Girlfriend's anger over no one paying for her college tuition, and then she takes it out on someone who can afford her own tuition and have a parent pay for it too.
I was kind of "eh" with the Dad dating someone much younger than him. However, she's over 18 and this is consensual.
I was kind of "eh" with the Dad dating someone much younger than him. However, she's over 18 and this is consensual.
I would say the Girlfriend is at wrong here.
The other Reddit comments were like:
“Who says something like that to a child? And who acts like that because a father wants to pay for the education of his child? Teach that immature ‘influencer’ a lesson,” one commenter wrote.
Others placed some blame on the man himself, arguing that he had no business dating such a young and “immature” woman.
“Usually I don’t have an issue with age gaps, but in your case, your [girlfriend] is really close to your daughter’s age. To the point that they’re basically in the same age group, could actually be friends, and share the same hobby,” one user argued.
22 hours ago
This issue isn't Instagram or the girlfriend's attempts to make money. The issue is the girlfriend is trying compete with the daughter. This is common and it happens even when the girlfriend is close to the father's age. My brother got remarried. My niece would accuse my sister-in-law of stealing things and breaking things. No one believed her. My sister-in-law seemed so normal and nice, and my niece was crazy teenager. Years later, we found out it was true.
22 hours ago
Hard rule - if you have to make a choice between a boy/girl friend and your own child, choose your child. Every time.
Tracy and S's argument at Wal-Mart: This reminds me of a flashback when I was 13 and S was 15 so around 1998/ 1999. I typed it up in a email to my friend Angela in 2007. By then I and Angela was 20 yrs old. Also Angela and S met each other once when Angela came over to my house in 2006, and she had dinner. So they got to know each other and got along.
I wrote this argument in script format with action and dialogue, and no comments. I wanted to make sure there was no bias.
I then asked Angela: Who is wrong or more wrong here? Me or my sister? It's totally fine if you side with my sister, I would not be hurt or offended.
Angela: In this case, your sister (is more wrong). However, it sounds more like 2 immature siblings arguing.
My opinion: I was not hurt and offended that she said I was immature. I did ask: "Who is wrong or more wrong here?" because I admitted I was wrong.
I was mentally and emotionally prepared for Angela to side with S and say: "You were more wrong because you were trying to get S angry."
Jul. 16, 2020: I may be projecting here, but the 17 yr old daughter and 25 yr old girlfriend in the Reddit article seemed like 2 siblings arguing.
I emailed Angela to ask for her permission to put her name and comment to this. It's been 2 days and she hasn't replied. I assume she won't have a problem because she didn't say anything bad and offensive.
If she has a problem, I will edit her name out.
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success: I have also started reading this book by
https://www.amazon.ca/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322
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