Thursday, April 23, 2015

“How to stop feeling like a fraud”/ “My boss’s pet can’t do her job”


Mar. 27 “How to stop feeling like a fraud”: I cut out this article by Harvey Schacter on Dec. 22, 2014.  It talks about the Imposter Syndrome.  Here’s the whole article:

Do you sometimes feel as if you don’t deserve the job you hold – as if, somehow, everybody around you doesn’t realize you sneaked through their defences and gained a position for which you are mildly or wildly inadequate? Or, if you feel competent, are you prone to micromanaging making decisions slowly, perfectionism, worrying excessively, and workaholism?

In either case, you might be suffering from the Imposter Syndrome.

First popularized in the late 1970s, the phenomenon refers to successful leaders who have received promotions and accolades but feel, deep down, that they are a fraud and will soon be found out. In some cases, they explicitly recognize these fears of inadequacy, while in others the impression is buried but expressed through their workplace behaviour.

Portia Mount, a senior vice-president of the Center for Creative Leadership in Greensboro, N.C., and Susan Tardanico, executive-in-residence at the organization, realized recently that many of the people they were coaching exhibited Imposter Syndrome behaviours. While statistics on the extent of the phenomenon vary widely, they estimated that out of 100 recent clients, about 50 to 60 per cent were in the grips of this malaise – with it seeming to strike women more often than men.

These were highly successful people, ranging in ages from their thirties to sixties, but they felt they had to prove every day that they belonged in the role they held. The actual data on their performance – comments in 360-degree appraisals – didn’t support their sense of inadequacy but in their heart or in their actions, they were imposters. Their own stress is transferred to others, as they act in overly aggressive ways to achieve the high standards that might keep them from being found out.

Interestingly, when the Imposter Phenomenon is explained to them, Ms. Mount says “it’s liberating. One, these are very successful individuals and very image conscious, so they want very badly to keep up the appearance of competence. To know others are like them is liberating. It’s also helpful to know it doesn’t have to be that way.”

On that latter point, the duo has published a book, Beating the Imposter Syndrome, which sets out a four-step process for liberation:

1. Focus on the facts

Individuals who suffer from Impostor Syndrome often pass off their successes to “dumb luck.” But the authors counter that smart people put themselves in a position to get lucky. And once the “lucky break” takes place, the diligent, resourceful, strategic person capitalizes on it.

Individuals need to objectively assess what they have accomplished and the challenges they have overcome, so they realize they aren’t lucky or riding the coattails of their team or mentor.
The authors ask you to create a Personal Success Inventory, listing the challenges you’ve had over your career, what was accomplished, and the success drivers – the skills, capabilities, and personal accomplishments that helped you to succeed.

Then study the chronology of your success – it’s probably more impressive than you have acknowledged – and in cases where you attribute the accomplishment to your team, clarify for yourself the role you actually played in leading the group. From the list, pick your three proudest achievements and describe the three specific things you did to achieve the goal.

2. Challenge limiting beliefs

Now you need to think about why you feel inadequate and check it against reality. Take Steve, a CEO who believed only people with advanced degrees from Ivy League universities, perfect diction and a proper accent, unlike his Brooklynese dialect, could succeed at that level. When he honestly looked around him, he realized such an elite pedigree wasn’t the norm and he was actually the model of a new type of leadership emerging in companies.

Write out what you believe you need to be, do, or have to be successful and why that disqualifies you from being successful. Then go on a fact hunt to see what the truth is. “Armed with the facts, consider that your own limiting beliefs may be your greatest barrier to success. What if these limitations aren’t limitations at all, or not as significant as you’ve assumed they are?” the pair write.

3. Understand your strengths

Set a timer for five minutes and write out 10 things you do well on a Strengths Inventory Worksheet. Sometimes, people are so self-critical and their standards so high they can only come up with five. In that case, Ms. Mount reads them the positive remarks in 360-degree appraisals that praise the person’s strengths, forcing them to reassess.
“They are often stunned by what people have said about them. It’s very affirming as they are so self-critical,” she said in an interview. Sure, you also have some weaknesses. But don’t let areas you must improve on prevent you from realizing your strengths.

4. Talk about it

Discuss these findings with a trusted friend, mentor, coach or peer in another organization (peers in your own organization may have sentiments of rivalry). Create a supportive environment to start operating with confidence instead of feelings of inadequacy.
 
 


Mar. 30 “My boss’s pet can’t do her job”: This was also in the Globe and Mail on Dec. 22, 2014:

THE QUESTION


I manage a small group of three people; they report to me, and I report to a manager above me.

My boss has a real favourite in my group. He put her into the job, even though she's short on qualifications. She struggles with the job and I spend a lot of time showing her things, doing her work for her, and giving some of her work to the others in my group.

The problem is, my boss won't hear a word against her, thinks she is great, sweet and loyal. She is, but not really up to the job.
There have already been misunderstandings between my boss and I because she communicates directly with him, and I am always seen in the wrong. This is frustrating given how much time and energy I put into her. It's so stressful that I am thinking of quitting.
Any advice?

THE FIRST ANSWER

Heather Faire

Human resources executive, Atlanta

So your boss thinks "Miss Favourite" is great and you don't. Why is that?

Perhaps you are the answer you are looking for. Stop doing "Miss Favourite's" job for her and hiding her poor performance.
Instead of giving her work to the other two employees, build their leadership skills by having them peer mentor Miss Favourite. Provide training so she can acquire the skills you believe she lacks.

Less work on your plate and a more reasonably distributed workload across your team will lead to less stress and a more pleasant environment.
Mentoring and training may improve Miss Favourite's performance and increase productivity. Or it may not. Either way, your boss will begin to see what you see and make more informed decisions.

THE SECOND ANSWER

Billy Anderson Founder of The Courage Crusade, Toronto

The best solution in any relationship is one that 1) keeps everyone looking good (people hate looking bad) and 2) presents the issue as an opportunity for something better. Bosses want you to bring them opportunities, not problems. It's the difference between sounding like a team player versus a Whiny Wendy.

So, ask yourself, "What is the opportunity with this challenge?" If this employee was better able to fulfill her responsibilities, how would you all benefit? Might you have more time for the bigger projects that can make your boss's job easier?

If she stopped communicating directly to your boss, would it provide you with a better chance to address your team's challenges? Would you be able to make more effective use of everyone's time? These are opportunities your boss may love to hear.

Separately, why do you feel the need to cover up for her? The simplest way to reveal her lack of performance is to stop doing her work. This may seem harsh - it kind of throws her under the bus - but maybe that would be a good thing for her long-term development.

Often, our challenges at work mirror our challenges outside of work. Do you find yourself "filling in" or "covering up" for people in your personal life too?
Kids, romance, friends? It's something to consider.

Lastly, try not to hold all this against the favoured employee, as it may not be her fault. She may be uncomfortable with it, too.


 

“Why the rat race is good for you”

Jan. 20 “Why the rat race is good for you”: I cut out this Globe and Mail article by Harvey Schachter on Aug. 24, 2011:

Rush By Todd Buchholz

(Hudson Street Press, 292 pages, $30)
 
In 1989, Todd Buchholz gave up his fat salary as an economic analyst in New York and moved to Washington at a huge pay cut to serve as director of economic policy for then President George H.W. Bush. On his second Monday in that exalted atmosphere, Mr. Buchholz found himself, of all things, depressed. It became clear that many of his colleagues had been in the office during the weekend, but his boss had not called upon him to work.

“Now I am not a compulsive fiend who needs to work seven days a week. Nonetheless, I wanted my weekend imposed upon. I wanted to be wanted,” he writes in Rush: Why You Need and Love the Rat Race.

“My happiness was not going to be a function of my White House salary; my happiness was going to be a function of how much respect and self-respect I would gain.”

You don’t have to work in the White House to share those feelings. While most of us complain about the busyness in our lives, we also, at many levels, crave the emotional gratification it provides. That thirst is hard-wired, Mr. Buchholz argues; it’s part of our genetic makeup, something that has sustained us over the millennia and will continue to.

His book is one long attack on those he calls “Edenists,” who view capitalism as original sin and believe we should return to that noble, leafy, peaceful place we left behind in Genesis. A place where we never wanted anything. A place without the pressures of today’s daily grind.

“Much of the common happiness advice is feckless, and sometimes dangerous. It starts with harmless prescriptions like meditation for adults and timeouts for children. If 15 minutes of meditation is good, 30 minutes must be better. Sitting cross-legged in a room trying to lose one’s sense of self strikes me as a reckless state of mind, if we give a darn about other people,” he states.

Interestingly, he started out with a different argument in mind, one the Edenists would have hailed. His book was originally to be called Tail Hunters: How Americans Are Chasing Success and Losing Their Soul. He was distressed to see so many people racing after money, shelling out for plastic surgery, and frantically urging their children into soccer, ballet and other activities. He saw that as chasing the “tail end” of the bell curve, everyone trying to be richer, skinnier, and more outstanding than their neighbours.

But he decided there was no proof that cutting out the frenzy would make us happier. He felt the happiness studies could be interpreted, correctly, in a different light than the Edenists present. He suggests we feel better chasing the tails, even if we never catch them – the hunt makes us happier.

“The spirit of competition and the rush of life is mighty. It is integral to our beings. Blame it on evolution, blame it on God, blame it on Dan Brown and The Da Vinci Code conspiracy. But the twisted strands of DNA that make us human cannot be unfurled and examined without finding competition. And the happiness we seek cannot be found if we foolishly try to run away from who we are,” he says.

Rush delves into disparate research that supports Mr. Buchholz’s argument. He calls dopamine, for example, the molecule of urge, transmitting expectations. We seek dopamine in activities, and he argues it is not the reward for winning, for conquering or for finishing a race, but for trying. “This is the key to human life, the key to successful social and economic systems, and the great flaw in the thinking of happiness gurus and egalitarian political regimes. Our bodies evolved to crave and to compete,” he writes.

He says work charges our brains with dopamine when we start anticipating a new success. But we need a sense of control for that to happen: We are all control freaks, with work helping us to recreate ourselves and create a new tomorrow. In a Stalinist regime, facing an assembly-line operation, with no sense of control, we would lack the energy.

Mr. Buchholz believes a competitive system prods us to treat strangers like neighbours and kin. We build trust because we need each other to be successful, whether that’s working with a colleague on a company project or being a potential customer for a merchant who needs your business.

These musings on the competitive system are a long way from the frantic nature of our daily life, which, with the lure of the title, attracted me to the book. What I found, instead, was a deeply researched, contrarian approach to happiness, woven together by an economist and former hedge-fund operator determined to show how our competitive, capitalist system meets our instinctive needs for gratification. It’s an enjoyable book, although at times the many twists and turns (a section titled “Willie Mays and your brain,” for example, shows how ball players with nicknames live longer) did drain me and reduce my happiness level.

POSTSCRIPT
 
Winning the War for Talent in Emerging Markets: Why Women are the Solution (Harvard Business Review Press, 275 pages, $35), by economist Sylvia Ann Hewlett and Ripa Rashid of the New York-based Center for Work-Life Policy, looks at how the talent wars are heating up in emerging countries and suggests that reaching out to untapped hidden talent could be your secret weapon.

In Rainmaking Conversations (John Wiley, 271 pages, $29.95), sales consultants Mike Schultz and John Doerr frame their system for sales success around the acronym RAIN – for rapport, aspirations and afflictions, impact, and new reality.

The Art of Uncertainty (Tarcher, 277 pages, $17.50) by Dennis Merritt Jones, founder of the California-based Center for Spiritual Living, promises to help you embrace the notion that the future is uncertain and learn to live in the moment.


Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Jazz Loungebar - Selection #15, 16, 17

Jazz Loungebar - Selection #15 Easy Listening, HD, 2015, Lounge Music

A blonde woman in a gold dress is laying on a couch.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpbhfhRYed0

Jazz Loungebar - Selection #16 Cool And Smooth, HD, 2015, Lounge Music

A woman with brown and curly hair, and wearing a silver and black dress is laying on a bar.  There are 5 disco balls hanging above her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZErPnP02Ec

Jazz Loungebar - Selection #17 Welcome 2 The Jazz House, HD, 2015, Lounge Music

A blonde woman in a pink dress with diamonds on it is laying on a couch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc07fSgyzh0

Jazz Loungebar - Selection #13, 14

Jazz Loungebar - Selection #13 Enjoy The Night, HD, 2015, Lounge Music

There is a brunette woman laying on a bar.  She is wearing a bikini made of white pearls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IK49VX59G4

Jazz Loungebar - Selection #14 The Jazz Hotel, HD, 2015, Lounge Music

A woman with blonde and curly hair, wearing a black dress and long black gloves is sitting in an armchair and looking at the camera.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1Efa6vphGc

Jazz Loungebar - Selection #11, 12

Jazz Loungebar - Selection #11 The Smoother Things In Life, HD, 2015, Lounge Music

A blonde woman in a black dress is sitting on a couch with striped pillows.  She is looking at you.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pGPSX61_vQ

Jazz Loungebar - Selection #12 A Delightful Night, HD, 2015, Lounge Music

A blonde woman standing in front of a brick wall.  There is a glass bowl of four champagne bottles.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6Rp1pMvT6A

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Raif's case: What you need to know now

The latest on my
husband Raif's case
 
   
Dear Tracy,

You have played an important role in helping my husband, Raif Badawi. You have continued to echo the call for Raif's release, and I'd like to share an insider's update on his case.

On January 9, Raif was publicly flogged by the Saudi government - lashed 50 times - for starting a blog that encouraged social and political debate.

I believe that the ensuing global outcry from people like you has been key to sparing Raif from ongoing weekly floggings mandated by his sentence.

12 weeks and no lashings is a positive development, but until Raif is unconditionally freed from imprisonment, our work is far from over.

I fear that the Saudi government may be delaying Raif's floggings in an effort to wait until the international spotlight fades. I've also heard rumors that Raif may be tried for apostasy, which carries the death sentence. I can't fully express my horror in imagining that.

I'm thankful to you for continuing to take action for my husband's freedom. In addition to ongoing campaigning efforts, Amnesty and other global partners are planning a mass mobilization effort outside Saudi embassies around the world on May 7, which marks the first anniversary of Raif's sentencing to 1,000 lashes and 10 years.

I have been able to speak with Raif fairly regularly since his arrest. I've shared the solidarity messages, and I update him on the activism taking place on his behalf - more than one million actions taken, public demonstrations held in over 10 countries, and hundreds of phone calls and letters flooding Saudi embassies calling for his release. It's amazing.

With your help, I believe we can free Raif. I'll be in touch soon about the May 7 demonstration. In the meantime, you can continue to make a difference by taking action today.

In solidarity,

Ensaf Haidar
Wife of imprisoned Saudi Arabian activist Raif Badawi

Your historic human rights impact

Your historic
human rights impact
 
Dear Tracy,

In truly momentous news, we watched yesterday as Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel publicly supported reparations for the men and women who were tortured under former Police Commander Jon Burge.

For years, Chicago police torture survivors have been struggling for the rehabilitation, compensation, and restitution they need to heal. For years, many didn't even believe their claims. But with your activism and your voice echoing their calls, their stories will be inscribed in the history of the city.

This historic step forward was only made possible with the support of activists like you.

This is what reparations will look like for police torture survivors who suffered under Jon Burge:
  • Education on police torture in public schools
  • Formal apology from the Chicago City Council
  • Free college education or vocational training for survivors and their families
  • $5.5 million in financial compensation
  • Public memorial to torture survivors
  • A counseling center for survivors of Burge and their families - the U.S.'s first center for survivors of domestic police torture
This sends an important message in the U.S. -- where no reparations process like this one formerly existed. Torture cannot and will not be tolerated. This is a significant step toward closing the door to torture.

As torture survivor Darrell Cannon said to the finance committee yesterday: "I am grateful that I've lived to see today... we are making history today."

Thank you for your activism and for demanding justice.

In hope,

Jasmine Heiss
Senior Campaigner
Amnesty International USA