This is from We Bare Bears.
Feb. 13, 2018 "If that's not love, what is?": Today I found this marriage advice column in the Globe and Mail:
The question
My husband is not a particularly romantic guy. Me? I like to do it up for Valentine's Day. Every year, I get him something special, and kind of make a big deal about the whole thing. I have dropped many hints over the years that I think it would be nice if he rose to the occasion as well. We've been married 20 years.
I know he loves me, and it's not that he doesn't acknowledge it at all: I usually cook and he will make me dinner on Valentine's Day, so it's hard for me to express any dissatisfaction. But, in my heart of hearts, I wish that he would be more demonstrative – not just on Valentine's but in general. Really show me he loves me rather than just saying so. Should I just come out and say something to him this year, or should I stay the course and say to myself "That's just the way he is"?
I know he loves me, and it's not that he doesn't acknowledge it at all: I usually cook and he will make me dinner on Valentine's Day, so it's hard for me to express any dissatisfaction. But, in my heart of hearts, I wish that he would be more demonstrative – not just on Valentine's but in general. Really show me he loves me rather than just saying so. Should I just come out and say something to him this year, or should I stay the course and say to myself "That's just the way he is"?
The answer
You've come to the right place if you want to talk about husbands who crap out on Valentine's Day.
My wife, Pam, and I had a whole romantic getaway for two to an "all-inclusive" resort in Cuba planned this week – but then an unavoidable work commitment came up for me and I had to bail!
So she's going by herself (the tickets were non-refundable and non-transferrable, both of which are policies that suck and should change, I feel). On Valentine's Day, she'll be there, in Cuba, by herself, in a reclining chair, in a bikini, wearing her new "naughty librarian" reading glasses and reading War and Peace.
(Literally, not figuratively: She decided to tackle this massive tome on her holiday and ordered it online. Good luck, darling! The thing is like a foot thick, with tiny print.)
It's killing me I can't be by her side. And: What kind of husband am I, on Valentine's Day?
Friends attempting to console me have said: "Ah, it's just a made up holiday" and/or "Hallmark holiday."
(But that appears to be a bit of a canard: In fact, Valentine's Day may have its roots in ancient Roman times and people may have exchanged cards as early as the Middle Ages. Hallmark just capitalized on the situation and started mass-producing them around the beginning of the 20th century.)
More waggish friends have said, in effect: "She gets a) a break from you, b) a seaside holiday, while you stay home and labour to earn extra shekels and look after the kids? Best Valentine's present ever!"
In any case, it doesn't matter. To me, it's not grandiose gestures, but the day-to-day stuff that matters. You say you know your husband loves you, but don't provide details, so allow me:
My wife doesn't like me putting ice cube trays back in the fridge with only one or two cubes, so I make an effort not to.
She likes the kitchen clean when she gets home, so I make an effort to ensure that it is.
She snores. It can be like a rusty buzzsaw cutting through sheet metal. The windows practically rattle in their frames. But I love her, so I make an effort to deal with it (I've bought earplugs, among other strategies).
See the common thread here? The phrase "make an effort." I think as long as your husband makes an effort on a day-to-day basis, I don't think you need the big gestures on calendar holidays, whether recently made up or with ancient roots.
I guess it's sort of the Fiddler on the Roof approach to love:
"Do I love him? For 25 years I've lived with him, fought him, starved with him. Twenty-five years my bed is his. If that's not love what is?"
You've only been with your husband 20 years (Punk! Newbie! Greenhorn! Like Fiddler on the Roof's Tevye and Golde, Pam and I have been together 25). But the principle is the same:
Does he respect you on a day-to-day basis?
Does he try to make peace when you fight?
Does he do little things for you, like bring you a cup of coffee in the morning?
Does he respect you on a day-to-day basis?
Does he try to make peace when you fight?
Does he do little things for you, like bring you a cup of coffee in the morning?
(Which, ladies, I do for Pam every morning: columnist smiles, light twinkling off one of his bicuspids.)
Little stuff like that. The everyday stuff. Because, IMHO, if that's not love, what is? And everyone who has love, especially around this time of year, should thank their lucky stars for that blessing.
Feb. 14, 2018 "Reality of engagements": Today I found this article by Mekita Rivas in the Edmonton Journal:
Your amicable media feeds have substantially been flooded with happy couples in new weeks. We’re in a center of rendezvous season, that runs from Thanksgiving to Valentine’s Day. According to WeddingWire, scarcely 1 in 5 engagements occurs in December, including my own.
My now-fiance popped a doubt a week before Christmas Eve, that is offer primary time. And while it was a smashing and memorable moment, it didn’t occur accurately as I’d hoped.
Like many women, we had unequivocally specific ideas about what a large impulse would demeanour like. Or, some-more accurately, we had unequivocally specific ideas about what we would demeanour like: hair ideally coifed, makeup tastefully practical and nails expertly lacquered for a all-important ring reveal. Call it vain, egotistical or usually plain superficial. But I’m not ashamed to acknowledge that we wanted to demeanour my comprehensive best during such a pivotal moment.
I’m not a usually one who feels this way. “I envisioned looking regretful in a dress and wearing good makeup,” pronounced Lian Parsons, a 22-year-old publisher who got intent in Jan while roving in Edinburgh, Scotland.
While Parsons’ offer was “definitely a surprise,” it was utterly casual. “We climbed adult a mountain,” Parsons said. “By a time we got to a top, my shoes, cloak and jeans were flattering muddy. My makeup was starting to wear off from all a walking, exercise, cold and rain.”
Meg Jorgensen, a 28-year-old selling consultant, had a likewise not-so-tidy experience. “I was a mess,” Jorgensen said. “We had swept and mopped his outrageous work depot. By a time we got home, we was dirty with mud and sweat. My nails even had mud underneath them.”
That wasn’t how Jorgensen had dreamed of her offer going down. “I illusory my hair and makeup being finished though not overdone, wearing jeans and boots with a lovable coat,” Jorgensen said. “I wanted to during slightest demeanour put-together and cute, so we could snap a few cinema right away.”
I, too, had prolonged fantasized about those essential post-proposal pictures, a ones that would strictly announce a large news to a world. In those fantasies, we looked impossibly chic, maybe barefoot on a beach in a sensuous maxi dress or station high in front of a Eiffel Tower in four-inch heels and a ideally on-trend jumpsuit. My face is splendid and luminous, we have 0 flyaways, and my manicure is chip-free.
Reality was a lot different. My hair was a tangled disaster that hadn’t been cleared in days. we wasn’t wearing an unit of makeup, and my nails were au naturale – not accurately a discriminating coming we had dreamed of. Perhaps I’d spent too many hours stalking a offer photos of finish strangers on Instagram, though we always felt that we had to demeanour like a runway-ready enchantress for a Big Moment.
Of course, vital in a epoch of a performative offer doesn’t make it any easier. Whether it’s inscribing “Marry Me” onto a solidified lake or enlisting a assistance of Tom Hanks, each other week some absurdly over-the-top offer goes viral, serve exacerbating a vigour on couples everywhere.
“When we took a requisite ‘We’re engaged!’ picture, we wished we looked better,” pronounced Mara Andersen, a 31-year-old nonprofit classification director. “I was wearing gray sweatpants and a zip-up that had my corporate trademark on it. I’m certain we also had on friendly hosiery that were expected mismatched.”
Andersen’s now-husband had picked a “regular Tuesday” to get down on one knee in their kitchen while she installed a dishwasher and ate leftover cookies.
“I separate crumbs,” Andersen said. “He pronounced ‘Will we marry me?’ Through a final few bites of a sunflower cookie, we said, ‘Yes!’ we didn’t cry. we didn’t scream. There weren’t any crowds cheering. No family popped out. It was usually he and we together.”
And looking back, that’s precisely what done a offer so special.
“I adore that he suspicion on his possess that he wanted, on that day, to make me his mother and him my husband,” Andersen said. “He gathering to a initial valuables store he suspicion of and bought a ring. It’s pleasing and symbolizes it all perfectly.”
Similar to Andersen, I’ve come to conclude what done my fiance’s offer meaningful. He after suggested snippets of his formulation process: how final summer he’d asked a photographer friends to constraint a moment; how he’d wanted to do it progressing though had to get a new ring designed when a initial one didn’t accommodate his standards; how he’d flown to and from Miami in one day (without my knowing) to collect adult a ring since he was so disturbed I’d come opposite it; how he’d called my father a few days progressing to ask for his blessing; and how he’d been obsessively checking a continue foresee that week to make certain Mother Nature didn’t sleet on a parade.
So no, we wasn’t dolled adult like we had always imagined. But that was totally irrelevant to my partner. He’d left by such good lengths to pledge that a impulse itself was usually right. Nothing else – slightest of all my coming – fazed him. He didn’t caring that we was wearing a drab, pompous winter coat, that my nails weren’t creatively painted, or that we had bags underneath my eyes from a miss of sleep.
I fast satisfied a stress of that fact. I’m mostly dressed accidentally and not even remotely well-rested. As it turns out, he due to a many authentic chronicle of me – not a many idealized version. And while that might go opposite a idea of a picture-perfect, rarely stylized offer we’ve come to design in a digital age, it shifted a concentration to what unequivocally mattered: We were committing to spend a rest of a lives together, messiness and all.
Feb. 10, 2020 Baccarat Casino being demolished: I was riding the bus and I see that the place is being demolished. It was sitting there for a few years.
https://edmontonjournal.com/business/local-business/the-house-busts-demolition-of-baccarat-casino-begins-in-downtown-edmonton
Feb. 12, 2020 Rebecca Black gives emotional advice to her younger self:
Nearly a decade after Rebecca Black released her song “Friday,” she is opening up about what she’d tell her teenage self.
“9 years ago today a music video for a song called ‘friday’ was uploaded to the internet,” Black, now 22, wrote in a message on Twitter. “Above all things, I just wish I could go back and talk to my 13-year-old self who was terribly ashamed of herself and afraid of the world. To my 15-year-old self who felt like she had nobody to talk to about the depression she faced. To my 17-year-old self who would get to school only to get food thrown at her and her friends.”
“To my 19-year-old self who had almost every producer/songwriter tell me that they’d never work with me,” she continued. “Hell, to myself a few days ago who felt disgusting when she looked in the mirror!”
“I’m trying to remind myself more and more that every day is a new opportunity to shift your reality and lift your spirit,” she went on. “You are not defined by any one choice or thing. Time heals and nothing is finite. It’s a process that’s never too late to begin.”
https://ca.style.yahoo.com/rebecca-black-emotional-advice-she-043049516.html- 23 hours agothere's nothing wrong with making a song and music video, sounds like her classmates were jealous the song was popular.
- 20 hours ago
- 23 hours ago
School is a place where people hold others back. I remember being in grade school and a girl loved performing. She actually had talent, but the majority of kids berated her. You'll never make it if you listen to others' negativity, because they don't want others to succeed because they probably won't. - 22 hours ago
It really is sad to see how low some people are willing to go just to make others feel as horrible as they do in life.
My opinion: The last part that she said is something I will put in my inspirational quotes.
Jr. high talent show flashbacks: I was in the talent show in gr. 7 and in gr. 9 where I was dancing by myself in front of 700 people. For the most part, there were positive comments. A lot of people who I have never talked to before came up to me afterwards and most conversations went like this:
Person: Hey, weren't you in the talent show?
Tracy: Yeah.
Tracy: Yeah.
Person: Oh, you were good.
Tracy: Thanks.
Or:
My gr. 9 science teacher Miss. Skinner and my gr. 9 Mandarin teacher (I forgot her name) said this to me:
Person: You always seem so shy and quiet, and then I see you dancing in the talent show.
Or:
Person: Do you take dance lessons?
Tracy: No.
Or:
In gr. 7, Robyn and Spyroula from my homeroom asked me this:
Person: Did you make up all those dance moves?
Tracy: Yes.
Songs:
In gr. 7: "Baby" by Brandy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJzMlOXwOto
In gr. 9: "Vacation" by Vitamin C:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXSdXD-V3mc
Or:
My gr. 9 science teacher Miss. Skinner and my gr. 9 Mandarin teacher (I forgot her name) said this to me:
Person: You always seem so shy and quiet, and then I see you dancing in the talent show.
Or:
Person: Do you take dance lessons?
Tracy: No.
Or:
In gr. 7, Robyn and Spyroula from my homeroom asked me this:
Person: Did you make up all those dance moves?
Tracy: Yes.
Songs:
In gr. 7: "Baby" by Brandy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJzMlOXwOto
In gr. 9: "Vacation" by Vitamin C:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXSdXD-V3mc
However in gr. 7, there was one guy who I have never talked to before and he didn't like my performance and then didn't like me.
After the gr. 9 performance, it was lunch time. I was to go to the student council meeting and Angela was standing outside of the art room where it was held. She wasn't in the student council, but she was there. She smiled and applauded when she saw me.
Michelle was in the student council and she said: "You rock."
It was like 99% positive or the very least neutral comments and questions like: "Do you take dance lessons?"
After the gr. 9 performance, it was lunch time. I was to go to the student council meeting and Angela was standing outside of the art room where it was held. She wasn't in the student council, but she was there. She smiled and applauded when she saw me.
Michelle was in the student council and she said: "You rock."
It was like 99% positive or the very least neutral comments and questions like: "Do you take dance lessons?"
This reminds me of an old email my friend Angela sent me: Something about "why are you writing about these petty problems from the past?"
It was a few months ago, but my mom was complaining to my grandma about about this employee's rude behaviour from years ago. That has no relevance to her life right now.
Adult life: This article triggered my anger. When you're an adult, you do get jealous of other people. You may not express it. You may not try to bring the other person down.
You can focus on you and if there is something that someone else has, you don't go and sabotage them. You go and achieve the goal that you want.
Example: You see someone has that job that you want, so you go and get one that's like that job.
Gr. 8 bullying: I guess I never told anyone this, but there was this girl in my homeroom who always yells at me if I laugh too long and hard at something. She always says: "It's not that funny Tracy." I continue laughing and she repeats herself.
She can say that multiple times in one class. I could have moved and sat away from her.
I have one time asked a teacher to sit away from this other guy in gr. 8.
However:
1. I don't look at her.
2. I don't listen to her.
3. I pretend I didn't hear her.
4. I don't say anything to her.
She will always yell at me, and I will never listen.
I already wrote about my Counselor #1 who says: "Whenever you get angry about something, think about what the lesson is."
The lesson for her is: "Don't try to control people. Especially if you're not a parent, teacher, or boss to this person. "
We didn't like each other. I even remember 2 girls in my class going up to me and asking if I like her. They were doing a poll and it seems like people didn't like her.
The lesson was, and I have quoted this before:
Britney Spears: If you don't like me, then don't look at me.
Black woman checks shamers who criticized her for having large family: 'I am a married, ADULT!':
https://ca.style.yahoo.com/black-woman-checks-shamers-who-critized-for-large-family-020216783.html
My opinion: I only saw a little bit of those TLC shows. I have never noticed that it is mainly white families.
Feb. 14, 2020: 'Valuable life lesson:' Woman arrested for anti-Indigenous comments apologizes:
Darieth Chisolm: Dr. Shannon Tran interviews her about she is a victim of revenge porn. Darieth was sleeping in the nude and her ex-boyfriend was taking pictures of her:
https://masteryourmoneymindsetevent.com/day-11/
Adult life: This article triggered my anger. When you're an adult, you do get jealous of other people. You may not express it. You may not try to bring the other person down.
You can focus on you and if there is something that someone else has, you don't go and sabotage them. You go and achieve the goal that you want.
Example: You see someone has that job that you want, so you go and get one that's like that job.
Gr. 8 bullying: I guess I never told anyone this, but there was this girl in my homeroom who always yells at me if I laugh too long and hard at something. She always says: "It's not that funny Tracy." I continue laughing and she repeats herself.
She can say that multiple times in one class. I could have moved and sat away from her.
I have one time asked a teacher to sit away from this other guy in gr. 8.
However:
1. I don't look at her.
2. I don't listen to her.
3. I pretend I didn't hear her.
4. I don't say anything to her.
She will always yell at me, and I will never listen.
I already wrote about my Counselor #1 who says: "Whenever you get angry about something, think about what the lesson is."
The lesson for her is: "Don't try to control people. Especially if you're not a parent, teacher, or boss to this person. "
We didn't like each other. I even remember 2 girls in my class going up to me and asking if I like her. They were doing a poll and it seems like people didn't like her.
The lesson was, and I have quoted this before:
Britney Spears: If you don't like me, then don't look at me.
Black woman checks shamers who criticized her for having large family: 'I am a married, ADULT!':
With networks like TLC making millions from shows portraying large, predominately white families in a positive way, Lewis called out a double standard where large black and brown families are portrayed as broken and unable to care for their children.
“It is... common practice, even in this day, for the media to portray families of color as incapable of raising large families positively,” Lewis explains. “In reality, working families of color have historically been large in size, usually with more than 3 children.”
https://ca.style.yahoo.com/black-woman-checks-shamers-who-critized-for-large-family-020216783.html
My opinion: I only saw a little bit of those TLC shows. I have never noticed that it is mainly white families.
Feb. 14, 2020: 'Valuable life lesson:' Woman arrested for anti-Indigenous comments apologizes:
THE PAS, Man. — A woman arrested in northern Manitoba for online comments threatening violence against Indigenous people has asked for forgiveness and says she has learned valuable lessons.
Destine Spiller wrote an apology at her final mediation circle Thursday in The Pas before reading it to elders and First Nations leaders. The group held hands, cried and prayed together.
"I uttered the statements out of anger and realized too late that these comments were hurtful," said Spiller. "I have over and over wished I could take the statements back."
Spiller and another woman were arrested on suspicion of uttering threats and on public incitement of hatred after the Facebook comments apeared in the summer of 2018.
"(It was) through a First Nations lens as opposed to the European justice system that's about punitive approaches," he explained.
"It becomes an opportunity of doing justice in a new way where it truly is restorative. Nobody came out of there feeling punished or ashamed. It was about making everybody a better person going forward."
The first mediation circle a year ago began with Spiller reading out the Facebook posts to community members.
She also had a year to meet seven conditions based on Cree laws, values and traditions, including writing the apology and an essay on Indigenous issues.
She performed 80 hours of community service at a friendship centre and took an anger management program. She was also required to learn about the history of First Nations in Canada, residential schools, the '60s Scoop and ongoing issues faced by Indigenous people.
Darieth Chisolm: Dr. Shannon Tran interviews her about she is a victim of revenge porn. Darieth was sleeping in the nude and her ex-boyfriend was taking pictures of her:
https://masteryourmoneymindsetevent.com/day-11/
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