May 4, 2018 "Divorced from the truth": Today I found this article by Jaclyn Law in the Edmonton Journal. I learned a lot about divorce and ending common-law relationships by reading this article:
If you’re at the point in your marriage where you’re considering ending it once and for all, you may already be making decisions based on misconceptions about how divorce works.
We asked Laura Paris, an associate with Shulman Law Firm in Toronto, and Sarah Dargatz, a partner at Latitude Family Law in Edmonton, to bust common divorce myths.
Note: The information provided applies to people living in Canada, and it may not be accurate for other countries.
1. MYTH: “My spouse cheated, so the court will be on my side.”
“Once upon a time, courts may have considered if one party was at fault, but that hasn’t been the case for quite some time,” says Paris. “There is no sympathy from the courts as to why a relationship broke down. It’s a no-fault divorce system, and the fact that a spouse was unfaithful has no bearing on how things are ultimately divided or how childcare responsibilities are arranged.”
This is true across Canada, adds Dargatz, because the Divorce Act is a federal statute. However, laws dealing with property division after a marriage breakdown differ from province to province.
And if you’re in a common-law relationship, the Divorce Act and matrimonial property laws don’t apply to you. Each province and territory has its own laws for common-law couples — consult a lawyer to get the facts straight.
2. MYTH: “My spouse says they won’t sign, so I can’t get divorced.”
We often see this scenario on television shows, but the truth is you don’t need agreement from your spouse to get divorced. You also don’t need to wait endlessly for a response after the divorce papers are served — another made-for-TV situation.
If you’ve satisfied the grounds for divorce or lived apart from your spouse for a full year, you can file a court application to resolve a contested divorce, explains Dargatz.
“If you follow the proper process, a judge can give you relief and grant you the divorce based on evidence they’re presented with. No one’s going to force you to be in an unhappy marriage.”
3. MYTH: “We’re just common-law, so we won’t have to worry about dividing assets and paying spousal support.”
If you’ve lived together for a certain amount of time but you’re not legally married, you’re in a common-law relationship. Exactly how long depends on where you live — in the provinces of Ontario and Alberta, for example, it’s three years, but the amount of time varies across Canada.
What many people don’t realize is that when common-law partners call it quits, their assets might be divided and one party might have to pay spousal support.
“Once you have that common-law status, the legislation begins to apply to you — in a different manner than for married couples, but it still does apply,” says Paris. “The main thing people should be aware of is the potential for spousal support, [especially if] there’s any reliance by one spouse on the other.
If you share children with your common-law spouse, that usually means a longer duration of support, especially if the person being paid the support is the primary caregiver.”
Again, the rules vary from province to province. Alberta has legislation for common-law couples regarding child support and partner support but not property, says Dargatz.
Who gets what depends on several factors, including the nature of the relationship, the nature of the property and contributions made by each partner.
“A court will look at the circumstances, and a partner may be entitled to some property even if they’re not married,” says Dargatz. “There’s really no black and white.”
4. MYTH: “I bought the house before I was married, so I get to keep it.”
Not necessarily. Even if only one person’s name is on the property title, and/or the owner purchased the home before the other party moved in, the non-owner is likely entitled to a portion of it.
Unless you’ve both signed a domestic or marriage contract (for married couples), a cohabitation agreement (for non-married couples) or another legal agreement that spells out who keeps what if you break up, here’s what happens: for married couples, property is typically divided 50-50; for common-law couples, the courts consider how much each partner contributed.
“People are usually due what they put into the relationship, such as domestic duties: looking after children, cooking and cleaning, general maintenance and upkeep of property, mortgage payments, bill payments — things of that nature that people have invested into a property, and at the end of the day, it’s unfair if they leave that relationship without getting what’s due back to them just because of ownership,” says Paris.
(If your name isn’t on the property title, she suggests keeping track of your contributions to the household—for example, if you pay bills or provided part of the down payment, find and save the documentation.)
Talk to a lawyer for the specifics in your province or territory. For example, in Alberta, says Dargatz, each partner in a marriage keeps property they owned before the marriage, but you’ll likely split any increases in value that occurred while you were together.
For example, if you bought a house while you were single and it went up in value during your marriage, you and your spouse would likely split that increase. There are other exceptions, and the courts consider several factors, so it’s best to seek guidance from a lawyer.
5. MYTH: “If I move out of our house, I’ll lose the house in the divorce.”
Many people think they need to keep living in the home — even staying in abusive or high-conflict situations — because they fear they will lose their stake in the home if they leave. “That’s not the case,” says Paris. “If you’re a titled owner to the property, or even if you’re not, you don’t need to physically remain there — it won’t influence how assets are divided.”
Dargatz agrees: “You have a claim either because your name is on the title, or as part of [your province’s] matrimonial property act, you have rights whether you live in the home or not.”
When considering how to divide property, the courts look at factors such as who’s making payments on it and how much equity it has — not who’s living there. “If someone is in a relationship they don’t want to be in, the courts won’t force you to live in the house just for property rights,” says Dargatz. “If you need to move out of your house, move out, you won’t lose your rights.”
6. MYTH: “If we get divorced, I’ll keep my pension and my ex will keep theirs.”
Nope. Pensions and CPP credits are divided like other assets, but just the portion earned while you and your spouse are married. For common-law couples, it’s less clear — you may have to argue in court. Again, consult a lawyer to find out what’s common in your province or territory.
Jul. 21, 2018 "A different perspective on divorce": Today I found this article by David Frenkel in the Globe and Mail. I read the article and I thought it was good. However, I then read the comments on it and they're funny and making fun of it:
David Frenkel is a lawyer at Gelman and Associates practicing exclusively in the area of family law for the past 10 years.
The waiting room in our family law firm is an interesting place. The men and women that come in for the first time often have this aura of embarrassment about them. They divert their eyes.
They shift in their chairs. It is almost as if they are hoping that we, the lawyers and staff, do not realize that they will soon be talking with a complete stranger about their failed relationship. They fill out their intake forms, wondering “How did I become just another statistic?”
And then the potential client starts to have other thoughts: “I have young kids. I may no longer spend the time with them as I did before. Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are no longer going to be celebrated with my spouse at my side during brunch. I won’t be celebrating my children’s birthdays in one loving household. I will be a single parent wondering where it all went wrong.”
Well that’s one way to look at it, but divorce lawyers see it a bit differently.
Divorce does not break up families, although it often requires the removal of pictures of smiling and happy people from Facebook and Instagram: pictures that include people who can no longer bear the anguish and turmoil, who live in loveless marriages and who have slept in separate bedrooms for years on end for the “sake of the family.”
A relationship in which a child grows up witnessing parental conflict or sees one parent degrading the other is not one to hold on to. It is a situation to run away from – as fast and as far as you need to until reaching some sort of help.
But people continue to suffer and agonize. They remain in the marriage. The couple think they may get better. However, once it reaches a certain point, it rarely does. They think they can hold on until the kids get older before breaking up. But children are smarter than parents think.
They know something is wrong when it starts going wrong. It just becomes the elephant in the room that no one is talking about but everyone wants to. The children want the parents to separate but are just too scared to tell them. Both feel helpless.
So what does divorce offer instead?
Divorce can be viewed as the legal manifestation of natural selection for marriages. It is a way of removing toxicity from the home. It is a way of expelling dangerous influences.
It is a way of protecting children from poor role models and examples that would otherwise continue if not for the divorce.
Divorce also stops extramarital affairs. Affairs occurring as a way of avoiding the bigger problems. As an escape. As a way of not facing reality.
It is not easy to pack up and jump without a financial safety net and enter into the abyss of single life again, but the choice to cheat is often a difficult one filled with regret and remorse.
Instead, divorce allows for personal evolution.
It allows one to become stronger and more courageous.
It permits an individual to reconnect with oneself and to find out what are the obstacles to their happiness.
The key is not to wait. Avoidance will generally makes things worse.
Every day that one delays in addressing the underlying reasons of sadness is a day that could have been utilized in reaching one’s goals and potential.
What couples fear are loneliness and more rejection. But often that fear is not real and is simply a psychological barrier to happiness.
If therapy or counseling is not an option, then divorce may be the next step. The initial consultation in our family law firm provides information about divorce law and how it affects children and finances.
However, the information that we offer is not just about the law, but also about resources in dealing with abuse, neglect and psychological issues that are oftentimes found in marriages.
The first meeting can be pivotal as it allows a person to rethink how he or she has been dealing with inner turmoil, but in a more practical and proactive way.
Historically, divorce has been viewed negatively and with connotations of guilt. However, it may be time to more closely examine the individuals or institutions that promoted such viewpoints and question the underlying assumptions of those opinions.
I propose a different perspective: Namely, that divorce provides a new opportunity to no longer be a passive observer in a relationship that has fallen apart.
Divorce, in the right circumstances, permits an individual to let go of the shame and not just survive, but to live, evolve and flourish.
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/article-a-different-perspective-on-divorce-how-it-can-help-the-individuals/
Jul. 5, 2021 My opinion: I reread this article and I really like this part because it's about self-development:
Instead, divorce allows for personal evolution.
It allows one to become stronger and more courageous.
It permits an individual to reconnect with oneself and to find out what are the obstacles to their happiness.
The key is not to wait. Avoidance will generally makes things worse.
Every day that one delays in addressing the underlying reasons of sadness is a day that could have been utilized in reaching one’s goals and potential.
What couples fear are loneliness and more rejection. But often that fear is not real and is simply a psychological barrier to happiness.
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