Jan. 29 John Kerr: He's this TV producer I met up with. I found out that he actually has a blog:
http://crowsnestfilms.blogspot.com/search?q=The+Emperor
It says he's an "award-winning writer, producer, and director." He went to Simon Fraser University and SAIT. He founded Crowsnest Films in 1999. It goes on to list all his credits and everything he's done. Damn, I am impressed. He is so good. It kind of inspires me that this guy actually shows interest in my script The Fighter.
Sadness: I feel sadness at the beginning of the week. I reconnected with an old friend from high school Real. He confirmed as his friend on Facebook. I sent him two emails. I was happy to see him and reconnect with him. Then today I see his Facebook status that he lost his dad today.
Saying: I created this saying today: "Admit weakness to address it."
Reflecting: I've been reflecting on the past and about lessons I've learned. In gr.10, I didn't really have to study and I got good grades. Then in gr.11, I wanted it to be the same, but I couldn't. Ignoring a problem isn't going to solve it. Hiding it isn't going to solve it. I'm going to admit I was optimistic to a fault. You think not doing anything like studying, and everything is going to work out just by winging it? It may work in one situation like gr.10, but not in gr.11.
You need a reality check. I've said it before "The truth sets you free." Sometimes the s---- has to hit the fan and things have to get really bad before they can get good again. The thing is, don't wait until things are really bad before you start fixing it. You need to address the problem before it gets really bad and you may not be able to solve it.
I didn't start really addressing my school problem until April. Thank God I did because I still have 3 months to bust my ass going to math tutors every weekend, have my sister tutor me everyday in math, redo the physics unit in Science 10 in order to pass those two classes.
I might as well throw in the fact that it's a good thing there was a teacher's strike and we lost a month of school. The Science 10 final exam wasn't 3 units, it was only the physics exam. I was then able to pass it.
Life: I feel like that was a really tough year for me. It's a good thing I did go through it, because I was then able to learn if I can get through that, I can get through anything.
After wards in my life, there has been a series of disappointments and rejection. I just keep getting knocked down, but getting back up.I got rejected from NAIT's TV program for fall 2004, but then I applied again for fall 2005. I got rejected. I got them to transfer it to winter 2006, but got rejected. I applied to the Radio program, but got rejected for fall 2005. I got rejected in winter 2006.
I did go to NAIT's Graphic Communications program for 1 year, but didn't graduate. That could deter me from going to college again, but it didn't. Getting laid off from my favorite job at a call centre was very disappointing. At the age of 20, I learned the lesson of job security.
Throw in the past two years of getting rejected from TV production companies.
Stay positive: I have to stay positive. I have made a lot of progress over the years. I graduated with a college diploma in Professional Writing. I can get jobs by myself. The first job I ever got was one that my mom gave me at her job.
I can get a career by myself. I got a job at a bank, and worked there for 1 month. I wasn't good at it, and was told to shape up or ship out. I'm still going to apply to work at a bank.
I have thought up this saying on my own a few years ago: "Don't compete with others, compete with yourself."
In high school, I had finally revealed to my parents that I feel like an underachiever. I had a big sister who was in university studying business. I had a little brother who was in jr. high and he got better grades than I did back then. I just hated the fact that I can work hard and study, and barely pass or even fail. I feel like not trying at all. By passing gr.11 math and science, I know that hard work does pay off.
Deal with it: Sometimes you have to learn to deal with some things that you can't change. My sister is now a lawyer, and my little brother is in 4th year university studying business. All my cousins went to university and studied business, except one studied science, but still went to university. They work hard and study, and are successful.
They apply once to university, they don't have to upgrade courses like I do. They get things right the first time. I have to do some things multiple times and I don't always get what I want.
I don't want to be different. I am the way I am. I'm just not good in school. I have to work hard and study, and not be able to achieve as much as my siblings. It's just not my family that I'm different from. I feel like I'm Asian, and I'm not an overachiever. I'm different from my race, or at least the majority of them.
I don't put obstacles in front of myself. Getting rejected from colleges, TV production companies, and people. They reject me. I didn't reject them. They're the ones who put obstacles in front of me.
Michael Phelps: I've been thinking about Michael Phelps. There was that old interview where he was on Jay Leno back in 2008 before the whole pot smoking scandal. I really like him because I can relate to him and identify with him. He mentioned how he had ADD and that there were teachers that didn't believe in him. Now look at him, a Olympic champion.
The funniest and best part of the interview was this:
M: I used to get picked on a lot when I was in school. Actually it's kind of funny, when I go out to dinner with my mom, the people I used to go to school with are now servers there.
The entire audience laughs.
M (laughs): No, that's not the funny part. The funny part is that they say to me: "Oh hey, we used to go to school together." I'm like: "Yeah, and you used to pick on me. Now we're like friends? That's weird."
The servers part got way more laughs than the actual joke about people being nice to him now that he's famous.
Jan. 30: I'm looking for meaning in life. Live an open life and strive to get what you want.
Going through my old weekly email/ blog posts, and sure it's fun to read about TV shows and movies and how they inspire me to write. It's funny to read some jokes.
Coincidence: I emailed Real and told him about how it's a weird coincidence that I was thinking about death earlier this week, and what I would regret not doing. That's why I reconnected with him. Then his dad dies at the end of week.
It makes you really think. I was thinking about death because I was depressed and upset.I was thinking about my family and how supportive they were and still are. They've been supportive when I really needed them when I was in high school and paid for my college tuition. If I had to pay to go college, I don't know if I would. Or if I did, I don't know if I can make it.
I know that I can't juggle a job and school at the same time. They gave me a lot of financial support. They did give me emotional support when I was suffering depression in gr.11. So with the time when I was going to drop out of NAIT mid-year, but my dad convinced me stay. I didn't graduate, but it's good to say you did a year at NAIT instead of dropping out.It's not just about achieving my goal of getting my TV script The Fighter produced. I have mentioned before that if I should die before the script get produced, I want my family and friends to fulfill it for me.
Don't waste your time hating. I could rant about my jobs, and I could do something about it.
With my writing I want to make people laugh, happy, entertain them, and inspire them.
Jan. 31: The Fighter makes people laugh with the jokes, and I think people would be happy when watching it. It's entertaining with the action, and I hope it inspires the audience. The lead Shawn overcomes obstacles and grows up and takes responsibility for his actions.
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