jokes/ news/ funny

Sept. 20 Jokes: I look at the drafts of emails I saved. Here's one from Sept. 2005. It's from Ed magazine, Edmonton Journal:

Lars Callieou's top 10 similatrities between being a comedian and being homeless:

10. The pay and health benefits are the same.
9. They're both known for nonsensical ramblings.
8. They envy people who can afford to ride the bus.
7. They are equally respected by society.
6. Prone to first of delusion and fantasy.
5. They're afraid someone will ask, "So, what do you do?"
4. Most will work for beer.
3. People don't care to remember their names.
2. Both endure frequent public ridicule.
1. Neither will be taken home to met her parents.

I was watching Dane Cook on Jay Leno the other night.

DC: I always had long hair. When I was four I got bitten in the head by a dog and got 80 stitches.
Jl: 80, that's a zipper.
DC: Everytime my mom saw it, she would cry. Even when I ran my fingers through my hair, she would say (impersonates mom crying), "Dane, don't do that." I thought if I could find a kid with the same name as the dog, become friends with him, then introduce him to my mom, she would be able to get over it. When she met the kid Derek, she (impersonates mom crying), "Dane, I don't like that kid with the D-name."
lol.

Job: I went to work from 10am-6pm. Yesterday I met the new workers like Beatrice, and Ray's brother Cam. Cam and Ray have the same hair, and skin tone. C and I talked about the teachers at Ottewell. Mr. Woodward, Mr. Mack, Mrs. Mackenzie, Mrs. Soliski are still there. C says he's going to McNally because all his friends and lots of people from Ottewell go there. Well looks like C and I have a lot in common.

Analyze: After working at the big company, I added that to my list of jobs I've had since I started working in 2003 at age of 18. I've had 15 jobs. I usually have 2 or 3 jobs a year, but last summer I had 6.

I realized something. Call Centre #1 was the 4th job I had, 11 jobs later, I realized Call Centre #1 is still the best job I ever had. The pay wasn't the best, it was starting wage $8.50/hr, then after 3 months I got a raise to $8.75/hr. Call Centre #2 couldn't beat out my love for Call Centre #1 even when they paid $9.50/hr.

Will I ever find a job that I love more than Call Centre #1? I think I did at the Soup place. Even when I got a higher paying job at the big company, $15/hr which is the highest I ever got paid, I still worked at the Soup place. This is my 4th month there. I worked at Call Centre #1 for 7 months. I can see myself working at the Soup place for that time and longer. I worked as a teacher's assistant for 2 yrs at my mom's job. I worked once a week there and disliked it.

I will also say I like working at Café #2 because of the manager Aziz. It was laid back, and I got free food. I get free food sometimes and a discount at the Soup place.

Clean: The other day I threw out the hand outs from the big company. I did keep the paper so I could use it as scrap paper.

Blog: I want someone to discover my blog and produce my script through it, like the Juno screenwriter did. I then looked through the other blogs at www.blogger.com The only way to do that is that I should go and complete another script. I'm waiting for replies from producers that I sent over 100 emails to. I pitched one script The Fighter to them. Now I must complete another script, and go pitch that one. I'm off to writing now.

Sept. 21 Writing: I did work on my comedy Garret and Julie. I had written some pages on it. I think I started writing it back in 2006. I then didn't work on it for months. I then looked at all the pages, and formatted to a solid five pages as a beginning. Prior to it, it was all jumbled.

Disk: Oh look, me talking about old school 3.5 floppy disks again. I talked to Leslie about if one document on a disk is corrupted, will the other documents be too? She said yes. I am reminded of that happening to 2 of my other disks some years ago. One document stopped working, then all the others did too.

Sept. 22: I worked from 9am-5pm today. I also applied to Claire's, and the Gap. I applied to HMV, they said they were looking for people to work during the holiday season so I filled out that application. Will I finally get to work HMV? And end up putting this on my resume or not?

Sept. 23 News: Today Clay Aiken has finally come out of the closet and say he is gay. A lot of people thought he was anyway so it's not a total surprise. He decided to come out because he has a son with his friend/ record producer and he doesn't want to raise his son without being honest. That reminds me of this old Madtv skit about Celebrity Survivor. Ron Pederson plays Aiken and Nicole Sullivan plays Meg Ryan as they compete on the show.

The real Survivor host Jeff Probst guest stars. Aiken lost the competition.
Jeff Probst: That's it, Clay's out.
Aiken: No, I just haven't found the right girl yet.
lol. But really, good for Aiken.

Sept. 24: There was a new guy who worked here yesterday, but then he quit after one day. He said his English wasn't really good, and he didn't feel comfortable working there interacting with the customers. However today we hired a new girl, and she will be working here tomorrow. We'll see if she actually shows up for work.

Funny:

It reminded me of the SNL skit where Peter Sarsguaard was on. PS was in the movie Shattered Glass. The movie was based on a true story about a writer Stephen Glass who wrote 27 out of the 41 stories he wrote were either partially or entirely fictional.

PS plays the editor in the movie and in the skit, where he catches his writer making up stories. In the skit:

Cut to PS in his office for Cat Fancy magazine and Seth Meyers enters.

SM: You said you wanted to see me?
PS: Yeah, have a seat. You know that story you wrote about that cat graduating out of Charlestown University? Yeah well I called the school yesterday, and they laughed at me! Saying no cat has ever attended the university, let alone graduated from there. I'm going to need that Purrlitzer award back.

Sept. 24: I saw that new Law and Order: SVU ep the other day. As soon as I saw Luke Perry, I knew he was the guy who committed the crime and I was right. Well of course, the most well-known actor is always the criminal. Darlene from the TV show Roseanne guest starred too, and she was a good guy.