Jan. 27, 2017 "Out with the Queen Bee": Today I found this article by Sallie Krawcheck in the Globe and Mail. I like this article because it's about women in the workplace and how women are not supporting each other in the workplace, and how to change that.
There is also some psychology involved, and I like psychology.
There is also some psychology involved, and I like psychology.
Why do women bully each other at work? In this excerpt from her new book, Own It, ex-Wall Street CEO Sallie Krawcheck discusses how to move away from competition in favour of mentoring and sponsorship
Have you ever been queen bee’d?
If you are a businesswoman of my generation, the answer is very often yes, meaning that you have come across a more senior woman in the course of your career who didn’t support you or, worse, undermined you. And it’s a killer. Now, to be fair, her actions were understandable in the context of the business world of her time. Still not cool, but understandable. (More on this in a bit.)
But that world is changing, so now it’s time to put a stop to that behaviour and break the vicious cycle.
We’re going to get to how in a minute. But let’s start with playing a little offence. Let’s look at some new takes on some old work strategies – on feedback, on mentors, and on sponsors – and how approaching each of these in some perhaps unexpected ways can position us well against the queen bees and others out there holding us back.
Now, we’re not naturally born knowing how to be leaders. Instead, leadership is a skill that is built as the result of thousands and thousands of micro-lessons over the course of a career.
We most often think of those lessons as provided by a combination of explicit feedback (such as the year-end review) and unspoken feedback (like when the audience talks over your presentation).
As we pay attention to this feedback – or better yet, actively seek it out – this helps us grow and improve. But the real leadership lessons don’t just come from official performance reviews and embarrassing setbacks. They also happen constantly in office hallways, around proverbial watercoolers, and, increasingly, online.
We most often think of those lessons as provided by a combination of explicit feedback (such as the year-end review) and unspoken feedback (like when the audience talks over your presentation).
As we pay attention to this feedback – or better yet, actively seek it out – this helps us grow and improve. But the real leadership lessons don’t just come from official performance reviews and embarrassing setbacks. They also happen constantly in office hallways, around proverbial watercoolers, and, increasingly, online.
Stand around a traditional workplace for a while and you can watch it in action: “Hey, Joe, good job on that presentation. Next time be sure to …” Or “Hey, Jim, you really stunk it up in there, huh? Next time try …”
The thing is, we women receive less of this casual but explicit micro-feedback at work than men do. A lot less. We get less of the “adjust this a tenth of a degree this way” or “try to change this slightly that way” and often more of the implicit feedback – like being left out of an important departmental decision, or not being tapped to participate in a critical project, or being passed over for a promotion or job. The problem is that this kind of feedback doesn’t give us much actionable information to work from.
» Why are we at this disadvantage?
It’s because men remain in the majority of leadership roles, and research shows that they are nervous about women’s responses to their explicit feedback.
Yes, you guessed it: they are scared we’re going to cry. So what should we do? Well, first of all, don’t cry (or, if you must, take it to the ladies’ room … fast). Feedback is a gift, even if it can sometimes be hard to hear.
Yes, you guessed it: they are scared we’re going to cry. So what should we do? Well, first of all, don’t cry (or, if you must, take it to the ladies’ room … fast). Feedback is a gift, even if it can sometimes be hard to hear.
Second, ask for feedback all the time. Then ask for more.
I learned the power of actively – and persistently – soliciting feedback early in my career as a new research analyst.
Speaking at the morning meetings, each time I would get up to speak, the most senior analyst, who would always sit right in the front row, would sigh – very loudly – and simultaneously place his head in his hands and shake it from side to side. It was not only demoralizing but also humiliating, because if you were a member of the sales force looking at me talking at the morning meeting, you also had a direct view of him, sighing and shaking his head. (Be assured, I am not exaggerating this in the least.) Yes, it got under my skin; my voice would shake and my saliva would disappear.
Speaking at the morning meetings, each time I would get up to speak, the most senior analyst, who would always sit right in the front row, would sigh – very loudly – and simultaneously place his head in his hands and shake it from side to side. It was not only demoralizing but also humiliating, because if you were a member of the sales force looking at me talking at the morning meeting, you also had a direct view of him, sighing and shaking his head. (Be assured, I am not exaggerating this in the least.) Yes, it got under my skin; my voice would shake and my saliva would disappear.
It might have been funny if it weren’t my career we were talking about.
After a few days of this, I gathered up my courage and went into this guy’s office and asked him for some feedback on my performance. As you might imagine, he declined to give any; he said it wasn’t his job. (I know, with someone like that, what did I really expect?)
But I felt like my career was on the line, so I didn’t let it die there; I started asking for feedback from everyone else.
How could I improve how I performed in the morning meeting?
Did I make a cogent case for my stock recommendation?
Did they see holes in my argument?
How could I improve how I performed in the morning meeting?
Did I make a cogent case for my stock recommendation?
Did they see holes in my argument?
I found that the first time I asked someone these questions, I generally got a “You’re doing great.” The second time I asked I would get a slightly less emphatic “Really, you’re fine.” But here’s the key: the third time, the person would generally start to recognize that I really wanted to improve and would finally say something I could use.
Eventually, one analyst came through with “Don’t let your voice lilt up at the end of a sentence. It makes you sound like a little kid, and you lose credibility.”
Oof. It stung a bit to hear that, but it was also incredibly helpful. Advice like this might sound insignificant (and no, it’s not right and it’s not fair that something like that could matter, but it did), but overnight I changed the way I spoke in meetings in such a way that I sounded more mature. I tried to convey as much of that all-important gravitas as I could muster …
Clearly not all feedback is created equal. So this raises the question of how to prioritize and parse through feedback. How should one decide what to take to heart and what to ignore?
My thoughts on this: listen to the critics and ignore the cynics.
First, let’s talk about the critics: yes, what they say may be tough to hear, but they’re worth listening to.
First, let’s talk about the critics: yes, what they say may be tough to hear, but they’re worth listening to.
These people may have been in your shoes before. They probably care about what you are trying to do. They likely operate from a place of trying to make you – and what you are building – better. Otherwise they would just tell you “you’re fine,” which is often a hell of a lot easier than telling you what you need to do to improve …
The cynics? You can recognize them because they’ve always got something negative to say, even, or sometimes especially, if you’re killing it (that goes double for the queen bee, but more on that in a minute).
They seem to revel in people failing. They seem to think your success might somehow detract from their own, and so they feel threatened.
I’ve also noticed they tend to be the ones making their comments into a computer keyboard as opposed to face-to-face. If you get a long snarky e-mail or tweet timestamped 1 a.m., odds are you’re dealing with a cynic.
They seem to revel in people failing. They seem to think your success might somehow detract from their own, and so they feel threatened.
I’ve also noticed they tend to be the ones making their comments into a computer keyboard as opposed to face-to-face. If you get a long snarky e-mail or tweet timestamped 1 a.m., odds are you’re dealing with a cynic.
Listen to the critics; invite feedback from the critics; thank the critics. Ignore the cynics.
This brings us to the worst kind of cynic women can face … the queen bee. She is one kind of cynic that can really knock us off our game.
She’s the woman who has been successful, but she seems allergic to doing anything to help other women reach the top. She’s the one who says, “If I had to do it the hard way, so should you.” She’s the one who knocks the ladder out from behind her.
Yes, mean girls do exist after high school. But sometimes they can be hard to spot. Male bullies tend to yell, but as the Harvard Business Review writes, women tend to sabotage one another more subtly. It’s called “relational aggression,” and it will feel very familiar to those of us who were blindsided by the dazzling viciousness of mean girls when we were younger.
There are countless scenarios for how bullying between women plays out, but in the workplace it often involves you being gossiped about or cut out of a project.
There are countless scenarios for how bullying between women plays out, but in the workplace it often involves you being gossiped about or cut out of a project.
Despite the fact that the Workplace Bullying Institute labels “woman-on-woman” bullying with a cheerful acronym – WOW! – they acknowledge it as a major problem for women at work, noting that, even though there are more male than female bullies, women are more likely to target other women than to target men.
Ironically, this is particularly true in macho workplaces where the few women there can be subtly encouraged to turn on one another …
Ironically, this is particularly true in macho workplaces where the few women there can be subtly encouraged to turn on one another …
I was queen bee’d once, bigtime, and it was one of the nastiest surprises of my professional life. A senior woman told me she would advise me in navigating a tricky professional … and that I could count on her. Then I began to hear through the grapevine that she was telling other people that she didn’t like it when I had done X and she didn’t like my presentation on Y and she had vetoed my speaking at the Z conference (to which I had been invited) because she wanted to speak at it instead.
I honestly felt like the sophomore in high school who had upset the head of the cheerleading squad. But because the vibes were coming to me through the grapevine, and because she continued to advise me and say she was my biggest supporter, I struggled with how to deal with it. Should I try to discuss this with her? Or take her at her word?
I honestly felt like the sophomore in high school who had upset the head of the cheerleading squad. But because the vibes were coming to me through the grapevine, and because she continued to advise me and say she was my biggest supporter, I struggled with how to deal with it. Should I try to discuss this with her? Or take her at her word?
I didn’t have that dilemma for long. Soon my supposed “biggest supporter” was one of the people on the other side of the table from me when I was reorganized out of the company.
Now why the heck do women do this to each other?
Often the queen bee acts this way because she feels threatened; she sees you as competition for one of the (woefully) few places for women at the top.
And to be brutally honest, as I was making my way up the ladder on Wall Street, the women there all sort of knew – without ever saying the words – that there would really only ever be one or two seats for a woman at the senior management table. So if you were there, and you weren’t ready to give yours up … well, you get the picture.
And to be brutally honest, as I was making my way up the ladder on Wall Street, the women there all sort of knew – without ever saying the words – that there would really only ever be one or two seats for a woman at the senior management table. So if you were there, and you weren’t ready to give yours up … well, you get the picture.
Other times she may just be replaying – consciously or not – how another queen bee treated her at some point in her career.
The psychotherapist Phyllis Chesler wrote a whole book, Women’s Inhumanity to Women, about how we sometimes reenact what’s been done to us by a sexist world.
The psychotherapist Phyllis Chesler wrote a whole book, Women’s Inhumanity to Women, about how we sometimes reenact what’s been done to us by a sexist world.
There may be another reason. Recent research shows that, in general, we tend to be compassionate to others when they go through difficult times. But if the difficult situation they are experiencing is something that we also have been through, we become less compassionate.
We are more “Buck up” than “Let me help you.” Many times I’ve heard, “Well, I had to fight my way up the corporate ladder the hard way; so should she.”
We are more “Buck up” than “Let me help you.” Many times I’ve heard, “Well, I had to fight my way up the corporate ladder the hard way; so should she.”
There may also be another, perhaps more disturbing reason. A University of Colorado study showed that women and people of colour who have advocated for women and people of colour, respectively, have historically been penalized for it.
(The slight good news is that, in contrast, Caucasian men receive a reputation bump from advocating for those same two groups.)
(The slight good news is that, in contrast, Caucasian men receive a reputation bump from advocating for those same two groups.)
Whatever the reason for queen beeing, it needs to stop. The first step is recognizing that the (business) pie can grow. And thus there can be more seats at the table … Our options have exploded, and it’s no longer winner-take-all, at all. And we need to recognize that women helping one another get ahead is good for each of us (and… good for the economy and society and our families).
Once this is understood, we can call out the queen bee when we see her. We can confront her face-to-face about her behaviour. It’s important to call her out if it’s happening to you.
And it’s even more important to call it out if we see it happening to others. Her negative energy is toxic for everyone in the workplace, and it shouldn’t be tolerated.
And it’s even more important to call it out if we see it happening to others. Her negative energy is toxic for everyone in the workplace, and it shouldn’t be tolerated.
To be brutally honest, as I was making my way up the ladder on Wall Street, the women there all sort of knew – without ever saying the words – that there would really only ever be one or two seats for a woman at the senior management table.
Excerpted from Own It: The Power of Women at Work. Copyright 2017 by Sallie Krawcheck. Published by Crown Publishing Group.
May 2, 2019 "Oprah speaks her truth about getting raises and why she left 60 Minutes": Today I found this article by Carly Mallenbaum in the Star Metro. She talks about her experience and co-workers experiencing sexism:
My week:
Sun. May 24, 2020 Telus tech work: Last week one of the TV's audio stopped working. My brother P tried to fix it and it didn't work.
Last month the other TV's audio didn't work because I accidentally pressed something on the remote. I unplugged the TV for a min. and plugged it back in, and it didn't work. P unplugged it for like 10 min. and plugged it back in, and then it worked.
However, this time it didn't. Dad called Telus and the tech guy came on a Sun. The tech guy was East Indian. He was wearing a face mask, and said he can't come in because it's physical distancing rule. At least he was able to talk to my dad through the window, where the TV was close by. It was fixed.
Tues. May 26, 2020 Nurses: I finally watched this Canadian TV show that came out in Jan. 2020. I watched this Telus on Demand. The pilot was average. I may watch more of it later on in the summer.
I do like the actor Donald MacLean Jr. He is good looking in the cute and handsome way.
Mainly I was alternating by watching these 2 shows:
FBI: Most Wanted: I'm halfway through the season and I find the show to be average. I like the original FBI a lot.
FBI got renewed for a 3rd season and FBI: Most Wanted got renewed for a 2nd season.
Manifest: I'm watching season 2. I'm halfway through the season and I find the show to be average. The 2nd season is as good as the 1st season.
"Shops are opening after COVID-19, and some are adding a new line to your bill to pay for it ":
As businesses take their first cautious steps toward reopening, Canadians should brace themselves for the possibility of seeing a new fee tacked on to their bill: a COVID-19 surcharge.
Retailers have been hit hard by the pandemic, as social distancing requirements forced many of them to shut down, and the ones that remained open could serve only a fraction of their previous clientele.
New numbers released Friday showed retailers had their biggest sales plunge on record in March, so many of those that have survived the pandemic are asking customers to help them cover the costs of COVID-19 while their businesses heal.
Jonathan Alward with the Canadian Federation of Independent Business says his group's members need to pass on some of those added costs at the moment.
"If you look at the cost of PPEs (personal protective equipment), all the sanitizer products [and] the extra staff hours it takes to make sure they're following all the protocols they need to, passing these costs on to customers in many cases is necessary.
Wed. May 27, 2020 Jimmy Fallon did blackface in 2000:
(CNN)Jimmy Fallon is addressing his impersonation of Chris Rock in a "Saturday Night Live" sketch from 20 years ago in which he appeared in blackface.
Fallon issued an apology on Tuesday after video and criticism of the sketch, which originally aired on "SNL" in 2000, resurfaced on social media.
"While on SNL, I made a terrible decision to do an impersonation of Chris Rock while in blackface. There is no excuse for this," "The Tonight Show" host wrote in a tweet. "I am very sorry for making this unquestionably offensive decision and thank all of you for holding me accountable."
Fallon was a cast member on "Saturday Night Live" from 1998 to 2004. Rock starred on "SNL" from 1990 to 1993.
My opinion: His apology seemed sincere so I will accept it.
A bear follows a 12 yr old boy: This was tense to watch.
Twelve-year-old Alessandro Franzoi and his family were picnicking in northern Italy when an uninvited guest decided to join them: a large brown bear. Alessandro was higher up on the Dolomites mountain range looking for stones when the curious bear approached him. A viral video captured the whole encounter.
Although bear attacks are rare, the NPS suggests keeping your distance and being conscious of areas with abundant sources of food like berry bushes. If you believe a brown bear has noticed you, the NPS recommends staying calm and picking up small children immediately. You’ll want to make yourself look as large as possible without making any sudden movements or high-pitched sounds.
Then, move away slowly and sideways if the bear is simply looking at you. This way, you can keep an eye on it and will be viewed as non-threatening to the animal. Avoid running or climbing a tree (bears are fast and can climb).
Thurs. May 28, 2020 Big Brother Canada ended: I was watching a FBI: Most Wanted ep that was recorded on Mar. 31, 2020. There was an ad that says the show is ending for season 8 because of the COVID- 19 pandemic.
I used to watch the American BB from 2001-2009, but stopped because I had made myself stop watching bad talk shows like Dr. Phil and Maury and bad reality shows that get me angry.
I saw the reactions of the remaining 12 contestants and they all look upset and cried. They will all be sent home. I'm sure they will all be invited back to resume the game show.
They donate their prize:
In an emotional farewell episode for Season 8 of Big Brother Canada, Global and Insight Productions revealed tonight that, in light of an early end to production with no winner crowned, this season’s $100,000 grand prize will be donated to charities responding to COVID-19 via canadahelps.org.
Fri. May 29, 2020 Black man in Central Park video speaks out:
NEW YORK — His binoculars around his neck, Christian Cooper, an avid birder, was back in his happy place on Wednesday: Central Park during migration season. He was trying to focus on the olive-sided flycatchers and red-bellied woodpeckers — not on what had happened there two days earlier.
That was when Cooper, who is black, asked a white woman to put her dog on a leash. When she did not, he began filming. In response, the woman said she would tell the police that “an African American man is threatening my life” before dialing 911.
On Tuesday, the video went viral on Twitter and garnered more than 40 million views, setting off a painful discourse about the history of dangerous false accusations against black people made to police.
The birds were a welcome distraction from thinking about what had happened next: By that day’s end, the woman, Amy Cooper (no relation) had surrendered her dog and had been fired from her high-level finance job. As he wandered the park’s North Woods on Wednesday shortly after dawn, Christian Cooper said he felt exhausted, exposed and profoundly conflicted, particularly about her fate.
“Any of us can make — not necessarily a racist mistake, but a mistake,” he said, “And to get that kind of tidal wave in such a compressed period of time, it’s got to hurt. It’s got to hurt.”
A gray catbird darted around his hiking boots.
“I’m not excusing the racism,” he said. “But I don’t know if her life needed to be torn apart.”
He opened his mouth to speak further and then stopped himself. He had been about to say the phrase, “that poor woman,” he later acknowledged, but he could not bring himself to complete the thought.
“She went racial. There are certain dark societal impulses that she, as a white woman facing in a conflict with a black man, that she thought she could marshal to her advantage,” he said.
“I don’t know if it was a conscious thing or not,” he added. “But she did it, and she went there.”
Cooper’s love of birding began at age 10, he said, when his parents, two Long Island schoolteachers, enrolled him in a 4-H program. There, in a woodworking class, he crafted a bird feeder that he set in his lawn.
The creatures that flocked to it set off a fascination that has endured for four decades, through his time at Harvard, where he graduated with a degree in political science, and into his years as an editor for Marvel Comics, where he is credited with creating one of the first gay characters in the Star Trek comic universe.
A northern rough-winged swallow alighted on a branch and Cooper, 57, trained his lenses on it for a while.
Then he resumed. “If we are going to make progress, we’ve got to address these things, and if this painful process is going to help us address this — there’s the yellow warbler!” Cooper said, cutting himself off to peer around with his binoculars.
At length, he turned his eyes away from the tops of the London plane trees and continued where he had left off:
“If this painful process — oh, a Baltimore oriole just flew across!— helps to correct, or takes us a step further toward addressing the underlying racial, horrible assumptions that we African Americans have to deal with, and have dealt with for centuries, that this woman tapped into, then it’s worth it,” he said, setting his binoculars down on his chest.
“Sadly, it has to come at her expense,” he added.
On Tuesday, Amy Cooper was fired by her employer, Franklin Templeton, where she had been a head of insurance portfolio management, according to her LinkedIn page.
Cooper, who graduated from the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, also surrendered her dog, Henry, to the rescue organization she had adopted him from, the same day, according to a Facebook post by the group.
She issued a public apology to Christian Cooper, whom she had encountered in a semi-wild part of the park called The Ramble, where dogs must be leashed.
After she refused to tether her dog on Memorial Day, Christian Cooper said, he attempted to lure the dog with treats, to induce her to restrain her pet. In a statement, Amy Cooper said she had misread his intent.
“I reacted emotionally and made false assumptions about his intentions when, in fact, I was the one who was acting inappropriately by not having my dog on a leash,” she said in the statement.
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